Relapsed on everything

TOP DEFINITION by Urban Dictionary
Relapse
To go back in a former state and/or conditon.

I did that on every bad... habit.. ok, addiction I could've relapsed on.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she was abusive and I got a psychotic episode because of her abusiveness and I yelled at her that I am better off alone.
She.. would probably laugh at me if she was that kind of a person now.
I started self harming again.
I started drinking till I am for a hospital again.
I started doing hard drugs again.
I am miserable.
I am 16 and I just ruined my life, again.
Everything I do is a disappointment. So here is my story. I am horrible.

You aren't horrible for relapsing. It happens but don't let that be a crux for you. You need to take it one day at a time sometimes even one hour at a time. I use to abuse drugs a lot. However I am 5+ years sober. It takes time, it takes A LOT of work. I can assure you that I have stood in the pharmacy area of my store looking at what I use to abuse but I have to find the strength in me to walk away. It's tough. I know that all to well but it gets easier.

You're very young. I'm glad you are safe. You can start fresh. Today is a new day. Are you getting psych treatment and help to stop using?

Uhm no, I'm scared that if I say something about it, every session will be about it and not about my psychosis for which I need a lot more help. I kinda can work around my addictions alone but oh what do I know, last time I fell this low I ended myself in the hospital on a dead bed.. so we will see how this goes.

I'm very concerned for you as you're going through so much and sooo young. I'm freshly and painfully sober and I'll tell you that the mind set of "I'll do this alone" is not going to go so well. What you're describing is very dangerous and I'm sorry but I think you should reach out. If your T talks about it and it gets overbearing just tell them and say you want to work at your own pace and talk about a different subject. However I do think it needs to be addressed. I wish you the best of luck.

I'm much much better now. 7 days sober, 9 days clean. All I needed was a strong person next to me and everything went along with it. I still self-harm time from time but it's not like before. Thanks for your support. Hopefully I wouldn't need to go back to my T with the words "I need help" soon. But I definitely feel much more better.

True dat. Even if there are issues w higher powers, AA is a great place for allys in the struggle.