I can't stand being sober. Bored. Sad. Ruminating.

RxQueen--
I really hope you can beat this. I don't think I was an alcoholic but was headed down that road. One of my grandmother's was a true alcoholic (slurred her words by NLT early afternoon daily)--I think everyone can become one but genetics can make us more vulnerable.
I am never drinking again. What happened? First, I truly humbled myself by an attempt that was shocking. It made me become more self reflective. I began to realize and accept that emotional pain and sadness is a part of life. I don't run away from it anymore. I ask for help accepting my life and what I am through prayer so sometimes I do lean on God when I am really down. Not everyday is perfect. I try to have things in my life that I look forward to--good coffee, walks in the sunshine everyday, sex with my H, etc. When your bf is at work and nothing joyful is available for you to do--perhaps plan for something to look forward to the next day or week? We cannot be happy every minute but we can take steps (make plans) to make happy moments happen.
Lastly, many things in this article applied to my drinking. I don't know if some of these messages in our culture about alcohol have effected you as well but there are additions reasons for not drinking stated in the article. Check it out:

https://bewitchingkitchen.com/2016/1...cy-of-alcohol/

It is never to late to stop. We probably both had times during our lives where we enjoyed drinking but we are at the point where alcohol is no longer enhancing our lives. Keep trying to stop. When you mess up, be kind and accepting to yourself and just pick yourself up and try again.....

Thanks guys. And yea I'm bipolar with borderline personality. It's made me live a reckless life. Well my bf is home for three days from work so I'm hoping we won't drink. I never tell him how bad I've been while he's been at work so I hope he doesn't buy beer thinking I haven't drank in a week.

How are you doing RX????
thinking of you

What can you find to occupy your time while he's working? This doesn't sound like a viable plan, long term.

I really don't know . I just have to deal with being sober until I find something or learn to be able to cope on my own without substances.

Not drinking yet not sober. Well at least I'm not drinking... step one

glad you are not drinking!!!
by not sober do you mean you are using something else?

Hang in there sweety....wanting to be sober today....but time is so boring. We need to go to do groceries- hard to stay away from the beer aisle...then we say tomorrow...

Yes. Got an upper which was way overpriced and ended up having a bad buzz. I don't think I'll do those again.

You might have a different "step one" in mind, but Step One in recovery is not about not drinking. Step One is where we admit we are just as powerless over alcohol while sober as we are while drinking...

S.O.B.E.R. = Son Of a Buck, Everything is Real

...and that is why A.A. never suggests "Don't drink!" Recovery is for people who *want* to stop but cannot:

"For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether...assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop...has already lost the power to choose...
"Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish." ("A.A.", page 34)

I crave uppers sometimes but since I could probably get addicted to a sack of potatoes if I stared at it long enough (just how I was made) I try to stay away. it s
aint easy girl but somehow we gotta learn to love reality

Yea some idiot pdoc put me on a phetamine last year. I ended up manic, addicted, and lost my job so quit those. Then I played around with another script a few months ago and abused them right away and once the high wore off I would be too depressed to even shower or get out of bed. So yea I don't mind once in awhile but I don't think I'll be asking for a script ever again.

So I'm drinking now after balling my eyes out because I can't pay a certain bill. My bf told me to take my klonopin but yea, I've been eating those too so now I have to ration myself. And I read that alcohol and benzos work on the same brain receptors so helI, I went and bought beer to save my anxiety meds. Or maybe I'm making excuses? Probably.

It's only 6pm and I'm half way through 3 25oz beers. I just want to pass out and wake up and have a re-do of my day because today ****ing sucks. I cried all day... and I do not cry. Can't even remember the last time. Depression is starting to win here.

Sorry, queenie.

Would you consider 6 weeks IP? I did 6 weeks PHP in 2011. Still struggled but eventually found much redemption. Let me know how to help.

moogs

That would be a drug/alcohol rehab and its 28 days. I thought of it yes but I'm worried they wouldn't give me my psych meds in there. Especially my klonopin.

They took my Xanax and yes. The focus is a lifelong abstenience from ALL scheduled drugs and alcohol. Stims, bezos, opiates, and reefer.

I relapsed at 100 days. Went "back out" for 13 months, but got fully clean and sober and now have a brand new life.

I am hopeful for you that you will one day find similar relief. Treatment is actually pretty cool.

Woke up with the sweats. It was so uncomfortable. I really hope I'm not physically dependent now because that's what used to happen. I know in my head I THINK I don't drink a lot but when I really think about it... **** I've been blacking out every night for weeks. My bf said I was up till 4am having a convo with him. I do not remember this at all.

(((hugs))) It sounds dreadful. Hang in there!

I work at a drug detox now (ironic) but if anything it has helped me. forget the opiate users. the ones I see near death are the alcoholics. and as you age it just gets worse.
you mentioned the shakes in another thread. this is a huge red flag rx. you are still young and have brain cells left. once we get a certain age we can't turn back the damage. what about a 4-6 day detox at least?
I'm here for you!

getting help in out patient changed my life and going to NA and AA helps a lot too. It does get better!

The problem with crawling inside a bottle is crawl in there enough and you won't come out. Choose life. Choose to change. Make it happen. You can do it! How much more are you willing to lose?

I'm having a hard day. I'm feeling pretty damn sober and pretty damn depressed. The world seems different through these eyes. It's a weird and sad feeling. I've been sleeping all day.

One could say you are in mourning over the loss of your best friend. Sleeping is relief.

it WILL get better!

But what is the disease? I'm trying to work out what's wrong with me. Sober 3 months and still feel like my life is on a downward spiral.

Totally effed up tonight. But what did I hear on tv the other day... something like "relapse is a part of recovery." **** who am I kidding... I'm making excuses. But for the record, my first step was quitting drinking ALONE and getting screwed up to the point of blackout and making a idiot of myself. Well I know one doesn't go with the other but tonight I worked out... (I was working towards being a personal trainer before I got sick) ...but while drinking. Yea pretty pointless right? No high fives here. But on a lighter note, with the add on of a few meds I can say that (sober) I'm actually stable for once. No moods. No self harm. For once I'm just boring lol.

So take that as you want. Yell at me all you want. Baby steps. I don't do well with big change. It triggers me. So I apologize if I let anyone down. namaste.