I can't stand being sober. Bored. Sad. Ruminating.

It's important to be connected to your sober self because this is your true essence - the only essence that is best for someone to adhere forthright for a healthy life. In order to revert to the 'old' self, that is, the one that didn't have a compulsion for inebriation, you must ask questions only for yourself to answer.

The truth is, people who battle their days with coping mechanisms such as self-medicating, numbing strategies, substance abuse and constant distraction are in major need to tend to inner wounds that must be replaced with holistic and mindful alternatives. There is really no way around this besides funding your health with the right tools and offering your mind a better approach for living.

Take this from me. I have an addictive personality, I've been through many, many habits - most I have overcame, some I must address and one or two financially destabilises me.

If you would like to change, delve into the core; your very essence and question - 'why do I constantly want to forget about myself?'. Anyone who cannot stand sobriety simply want to forget about themselves for a short while, but it never seems to work because ourselves will always catch up wholeheartedly.

What worked for me was this,

Will I, rather the suffering of remaining where I am with my struggles or endure the mourning in growth and get rid of everything that doesn't nourish my soul. The choice was mine, and to be honest - I love sobriety more than anything. I'm straight minded and not crooked everyday by the need to hide my inner wounds with measly bandaid solutions.

No judgement here, Queenie. I am glad you still post and still try. I think it would be a bad indicator if you were to isolate and give up on at least trying to post about getting sober.

Hang in there.

moogs

Rx,
Don't ever give up. I've been in your position more times than I can count in the last 11 years. It's horrible. But it can get better. I've kept trying and tomorrow will be one year sober. And yes some days are really crappy still where I can't stand being in my own skin, but overall it's better, and most of the time I'm pretty content with sobriety, and it's definitely better than being sick or in withdrawals all the time.
splitimage

Wow, this is really helpful. Thanks for posting this.

Thanks everyone for understanding and not being hard on me. I'm having a particularly bad bipolar day, probably triggered by drinking last night. I had to take my klonopin for anxiety and slept for a few hours to just not feel the sadness. I just woke up and I want to cry. I know I could use a good cry. I can't even bring myself to do the pile of laundry that is forever growing (if it's anything in life that must be done, laundry and dishes are the culprit). I guess I'm just going to relax and try to keep calm.

Glad ur ok, Queenie!

Yeah dishes n laundry never end - even in sobriety!

hope you are feeling better !

I hear ya. It is painfully hard to "be yourself" after you find a way to cover it all up.

I know....it's hard to sit at home and see all the things you should be doing, but you have NO ambition to even do it. I never used to watch TV, but do often now. If you ever need someone to talk to who understands what you're going through, I'm here.

My therapist says that too much idle time is bad for anyone. Do you not work? I agree that it's boring to be home all day. Can you work part time at least? That would keep you busy plus bring income.

I agree totally. I'm trying for SSI now because I can't hold down a job because of my MI. Every job, the stress would make me have an episode. I did see a friend post something for volunteer work for hospice patients if they don't have family with them in there last hours. I'd be there to hold their hand, chat, and make them comfortable. I'm in the medical field too and I really want to look into this. That would make me feel so much better about myself.

Haven't posted here In awhile cuz I have no good news. Last week the cops were called again after a BP episode from drinking. They laughed at me and left after asking why my house was ransacked. I laughed right back and said "cuz it's my house and I'll do what I want". [trigger]... that night after my bf left for me being a mess, I self harmed. The cops looked at it and I signed papers refusing help. It wasn't anything life threatening but as a officer and seeing a girl damage herself with alcohol and razors I don't see how the eff they just walked out. Usually I'd be hauled off, strapped down, and left in IP.

I'm still drinking. I told my T that I don't want to abstain but I just want to learn to moderate myself and not get so self destructive. She explained to me that addicts can't have "just a few". And she's right. But I don't know my life without it. Sorry this was more of a rant.

I felt the same way.....till I thought about how much worse i feel after a fun-filled drinking binge.....

I've been sober a little over a year now. At first I absolutely hated it. Sometimes I still do. But then I think about the downside - puking my guts out, sometimes in bed, going through withdrawals, showing up at the hospital for detox help only to be treated like crap. What's so fun about that.

Being sober is hard - no lying about that, you have to deal with your feelings. And honestly I think my MI has gotten worse since I stopped drinking. Just got fired from my no-brainer minimum wage job for missing too much time due to depression, so I'm applying for disability. I hate the thought of that, but the reality is I can't work right now.

But I know if I'd kept drinking instead of stopping when I did, I'd be dead now. And much as it sucks sometimes, I'd rather be alive.

splitimage

[QUOTE=splitimage;5698561]I've been sober a little over a year now. At first I absolutely hated it. Sometimes I still do. But then I think about the downside - puking my guts out, sometimes in bed, going through withdrawals, showing up at the hospital for detox help only to be treated like crap. What's so fun about that.

Being sober is hard - no lying about that, you have to deal with your feelings. And honestly I think my MI has gotten worse since I stopped drinking. Just got fired from my no-brainer minimum wage job for missing too much time due to depression, so I'm applying for disability. I hate the thought of that, but the reality is I can't work right now.

But I know if I'd kept drinking instead of stopping when I did, I'd be dead now. And much as it sucks sometimes, I'd rather be alive.

splitimage
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/promo/ho...4737_201724350 that's exactly what I'm going through.

[QUOTE=RxQueen875;5735234][QUOTE=splitimage;5698561]I've been sober a little over a year now. At first I absolutely hated it. Sometimes I still do. But then I think about the downside - puking my guts out, sometimes in bed, going through withdrawals, showing up at the hospital for detox help only to be treated like crap. What's so fun about that.

Being sober is hard - no lying about that, you have to deal with your feelings. And honestly I think my MI has gotten worse since I stopped drinking. Just got fired from my no-brainer minimum wage job for missing too much time due to depression, so I'm applying for disability. I hate the thought of that, but the reality is I can't work right now.

But I know if I'd kept drinking instead of stopping when I did, I'd be dead now. And much as it sucks sometimes, I'd rather be alive.

Exactly how I feel... for the past year.

rx..are you not drinking?
That would be good...I feel so much "anger" in your posts...I have a lot of anger too and that is the main reason I usually turn to alcohol.

Hey all sorry I haven't been around. Mood wise I'm doing good on new meds so I took a break from here.

Well I didn't quit drinking completely but I'm not drinking till I black out anymore. And while I'm drinking I say in my head "don't say something stupid or start **** tonight" lol. Mindfulness I guess.