I can't stand being sober. Bored. Sad. Ruminating.

Being sober absolutely kills me. I can only watch so much Netflix for real. I fell off the wagon. Pdoc put me back on benzos after an attack put me in the ER. It was a free for all at first but now I see I need it to be normal. I didn't drink for maybe 3-4 days last week and holy **** I was so bored I went on bed at 9pm only to wake up at 4am for the day. So that's a whole day sober and feeling emotions. Honestly nothing feels better than an Ice cold brew, a bowl, and some good music. Without I'm a mess. A nervous wreck. And I already got a tolerance to my klonopin cuz I was taking a lot at a time. The boredom kills me. And yea my T considered adult coloring books, reading, walking etc but none of those things gives me a rush like being buzzed.

How do I stop this cycle?? When I'm sober I think too much. I get depressed. And bored to absolute death. I've even abused my psych meds. Taking two pills instead of one to either make me pass out or make me up and happy. I'm not psychically addicted (I think) so if I could get the balls then I'd quit. But sobriety is torturing. And yes I live with my bf but he works third shift so between 3pm-5am I'm alone to paint the town messed up. I don't practice any religion but god ****ing help me!

Whatever happened to going to IOP? Having someplace to go daily where you work on changing your past coping methods for better coping skills can help give you the tools to change this.

my dad had has been sober over 30 years . He quit when I was 6. He had a heavily ****ed up childhood and was a raging alcoholic and a destructive one at that. I thank God he quit when he did and became the remarkable man he is today
staying sober for him has involved doing things like pushing his body to the limits with snowboarding running biking hiking. He tricks that little reward center in his brain into producing natural endorphins. He he also feels accomplished when he sets goals and reaches them

me his daughter with bipolar sweetly handed down from mostly his side of the family and who developed an addictive personality as well is also in search for a natural high. I'm even considering skydiving and I'm on an exercise plan now to see if I can start pushing my body to go into beast mode.
Also it helps to have a purpose in life. you just need to find yours. you are very empathetic and perhaps you could become a peer support person or something
I'm rooting for ya!

I talked about my brother going to IOP but maybe I thought about it here. What would be the point if I'm actively using? Wouldn't they kick you out? Because I'm pretty sure the place here that has it does drug tests every visit.

Maybe what I'm getting at is if I'm ready. It's the sheer boredom that kills me. And I have no want in gardening or Knitting blankets. I do have pets though and they do help. I often feel alone but they do help. Thing is I can't get them to talk to me

yeah isolation and lonliness are huge triggers for drinking.
I'm not saying you gotta start running marathons but interests and hobbies and anything that brings us out of our own head helps.
but we don't even know what we could potentially like or want or do when actively using because our brains are murky and we are sick half the time. then we are drunk again.

Yes. You mentioned isolation. That is exactly where I'm at. I've become an introvert. My friends will knock on my door and I hide in the back room so they won't hear me. I know. That's messed up. I just want to be alone and drink. That's sick right?? It was different when I was getting off suboxone. I didn't get the depression during it (but after I did). But it made me normal. And numb. But now I quit the subs and I'm back to the bottle and want nothing to do with humanity at all. Ughhhhh. I kid myself by saying "yay I'm off this drug!" Then I go back to drinking. I just can't ****ing cope.

I haven't drank in a while but when I did drink alone it was to try to numb unpleasant feelings. It doesn't work for long and instead increases the tendency to be depressed. Having taken benzos myself--the feeling I get from them reminds me a little bit of the intoxicating effects of alcohol and because of this, they can make you think of alcohol more.

I am sorry you are struggling. You mentioned boredom. I think it is easier to "quit" things when you develop other activities/habits to "fill the gap". It is hard at first to quit things but once you have quit for a while, it gets easier with time. Keep searching for motivation. Movies, sex, holidays, etc--they are all just as enjoyable sober as they were intoxicated. In certain situations, you give up a lot of power when you are drunk. Please don't give up on your quest to quit.....

I used to go to IOP and two AA or NA meetings a day bc of the boredom. AA is not religious, it's spiritual but you can even be atheist or agnostic. It's a good place to meet other bored new people trying to stay sober, hang out with them at coffee shops for hours. Early sobriety is super hard if isolated, gotta get some sober friends, makes it easier, gotta get phone numbers to call BEFORE you pick up the drink or bong. It works.

Sorry you are struggling, Queenie. I am glad you are reaching out to us. There is good wisdom here.

Early recovery is ultra-challenging - that's why addiction kills so many.

Hang in there,

moogs

S.O.B.E.R. = Son Of a Buck, Everything is Real

Sobriety stops out-of-control drinking, but sobriety does not make being sober bearable. The original A.A. is about substituting the effect of alcohol with the effect of spiritual fellowship and then showing others how they can recover also. Here is a synopsis:

sobriety for me is how i like to feel. when i was in my 20s and also a teenager i thnk i was drunk 24/7 for 5 years. i actually felt my body dying and decided i couldn;t drink anymore and didn't. now i am dealing with a son that drinks and my heart is aching from it. i hope he wakes up to the fact it will kill him.

rxqueen..you and I are soul sisters.
I feel the same exact way as you do..completely bored..but I am not drinking now because I drank 4 days ago and I have felt like crap since...but I was thinking about drinking today (this morning up at 4am like you)...crying...feeling things I dont want to feel..thinking about things I don't want to think about..avoiding invitations for the day...not feeling like showering...my stomach is growling but I don't even want to take care of myself and feed it...

Its just a deep dark lonely depression..that alcohol fills the void for the day...but I'm not going to drink today..I don't know what the **** I AM going to do...but I'm not going to drink.

Where did Queenie go? I hope you and Missy2 are doing well today.

moogs

I got some quotes from my sober app:

"stregnth of mind rests in sobriety; this keeps reason unloaded by passion" - pythogoras

"rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebilt my life" - JK Rowling

I have been sober from alcohol for nearly 21 months and 14 days...one day at a time don't go to far too fast you can do it, I believe in you!!!

Still here everyone. And still drinking except I'm paying attention to my level of "buzz" and stay self aware. In other words... not blacking out and making a huge scene like my usual self. So yes I'm still off that wagon but starting less fires.

Well I totally ****ed up last night. I don't remember much but first I was drinking and somehow my friend ended up coming over In the middle of the nigh... with a drug I swore I'd never ever touch. Well I effed that promise up. And for some reason I got in the shower fully clothed?? Wtf did I do last night?? I HAVE to quit drinking NOW. I spent all night and all morning throwing up into a trash bin next to my bed. I feel horrible physically and mentally. My bf was mad. I don't blame him. If I were him I'd of dumped my sorry ***.

Ego, fear, pride and ignorance (not knowing the relevant facts) are our enemies, and those had been killing me also. The things you have just experienced are quite normal for some of us until we come to terms with our powerlessness to do anything about them and then find the kind of help that can set our feet on a path that truly goes somewhere else.

what are your plans to aid you in quitting? I know your not into AA . What do you think will help you. you sound worried and urgent. you can do this.

I have to just find coping skills instead of drinking out of boredom or being lonely. I'm going to try will power for now and discuss it with my T.

Hang in there. We're here and we care.

I feel sad for you. I am your polar opposite. If I am going to drink, it is only a little, and there is a time set aside for just that. I get sick if I go overboard and that is not what I call "fun". To be honest, I only go to the bar because a close friend of ours owns it, and I go to give him business. If he sells it, I will never go back. Most of the time I am going 90 miles an hour with, well, everything: Job, pets, house, yard, etc. I am never "bored" sober, and I LOVE to think and love being alone. I guess I should be thankful for that......

For me it came down to a binary choice. Continue down the awful painful pathway to death OR accept that I had to have some sort of spiritual growth. I'm not a bible or big book thumper at all. Very far from it. I just got my *** kicked to the point of having enough humility to make changes to my belief system.

My priorities and my values, which led to the choices of picking up and continuing to drink and use, had to change at a fundamental level for me to find the sobriety and recovery that I enjoy today. That fundamental change is just a teeny tiny little bit of spiritual growth. And I've experienced much joy and redemption over the last few years. I hope a similar peace is available for you and your struggles. Thanks for letting me share.

Message me anytime you need someone to talk to. Thanks again.

moogs

Well I'm having a crappy night. Drank two 25oz full body beers and just bought two more light beers. I know I'll be hungover. But the next few days my bf will be home from work and I know he won't drink so I won't. I confessed to him the other night that I've been drinking every night while he's at work.

I have found ever since I have been on the right combination of meds. Plus doing CBT with a therapist the compulsion to drink has left. I know I am an alcoholic but understanding my mental illness I know realize my alcoholism is a symptom of the disease. 12 step programs are a great thing for many people and the steps are a great way to live your life it just wasn't for me. Sometimes people in recovery just believe going to meetings is enough and that just isn't true for everybody. Just my two cents take it for what its worth.