I'm ruined from it

Today would have been day four. I've fought so much the past three days, through the stomach aches and the other stuff. But that damn storm in the gulf drove me to it. I cant escape it and i broke down and got a daiquiri with tw o extra shots. I cant belive i did it. i cant believe im drinking it. but i cant put it down. i just wanna forget. life just sucks so bad.

(((( Chalm ))))

Back on the horse if you want to.....I hope you can find some help. I don't know what its like to drink again after a period of not drinking. I wish I could say more to help.

(((chalm))) I've fallen off the wagon so many times I've lost count, but the thing to do is not let it stop you. If you want sobriety stop drinking, dust yourself off, and start over. But don't be too hard on yourself. This is a disease, you're not a bad person because you slipped. I've got a friend in 'aa who says I remind her of one of those plastic punching clowns, you know the ones with the big red noses that you punch over and they bounce right back up, because after my last 3 relapses, including the really stupid one where I called every member of my home group to tell them I was drinking, I dragged my *** back to detox and tried again. This time thanks to my HP I've stayed stopped. You can too as long as you don't let a slip become a full blown drinking binge.

Take care of yourself. The first few days are the hardest.

--splitimage

man im just hating myself so much right now. im trying to see clearly but i cant throw my wet eyes. i gotta start stopping again. why is it so freaking hard. i wanna say so much , but i know ill get kicked outta here. so i keep my mouth sorta shut

(((((((((((((chalm))))))))))))

What do you mean you will get kicked outta here?

Hey...you know life sucked for me too, but the only way for it to get better was for me to get sober. Its hard--one of the hardest things I have done, but it was the only way to make the misery go away.

There is no shame in having a relapse...today is a new day.

(((muffy))))))) thank you

(((rayna))))) i dont know what i mean. i get so much anger in me at one time and i just blow. i don't want to be here when i do that. but i seem to get feelings out better that way.

((((depresseme)))))))) thank you


i want to let you all know that today is another third day sober. i'm hoping to keep going this way.

thank you all,
chalmette

(((((chalm))))))))))))
I am always willing to listen. You are a good person.

thank you Muffy. Your a good person too and i know you are there for me.

sunday and monday are the wrost days for me. every sunday i wake up and relive the drive away and all the horrible news i found out. On monday i do the same. but i usually dont sleep sunday night. Sunday continues on into monday while i live it all over again. I can hear, see and taste those two days, like it just happened.

Late last night, after the horrible day sunday was.i broke down again and went and got a strong daiquiri. i came back online and listened to others talk. i took only a few sips of it then started to feel that hate against me for doing what i was doing. i couldnt throw it away, so i just put it in the freezer. I guess it will sit there and tempt me. I need to find it in me to throw it away.

i don't hate you!!..i love you

love u chal take care hun. i am sure u can do this. i have fallen off many times. and yah just have to play punching clown and bounce back. keep at it i will lisrwn anytime.
take care
self