[bizi]

Thank you, have drank ever since my pdoc/psych doctor appointment.
She has given up on my quitting.


I have decided that I will drink this week and then next monday start a new diet with my hubby called the military diet. lose 10 pounds in one week. which I can't fathom really believing that that will happen but it was hubbys idea so I will do it with him.
bizi

[bizi]

it is only 76 degrees this morning but 100% humidity. Hubby has been walking in the mornings, very proud of him. He comes in soaked from his walk.
High today is only 93. Better than 95 and 97!
bizi
__

[bizi]

I took a shower tonight instead of in the morning because I have to get up earlier for the next 2 weeks. My feet hurt in the shower from standing on those quarter size suction bumps....
So, I asked jeff to rub my feet and he did. It felt so good. I think I have arthritis in my feet too. I am (my feet) very stiff in the mornings when I first get out of bed. I am thinking that I need new shoes, maybe that was why my feet were aching tonight. He used aveda foot cream with peppermint. I thanked him several times. And reminded him that he used to rub my feet all the time when we were first dating. After we got married that all stopped.

I used stress fix cream on my hands and fingers. Had some hang nails that needed attention, must keep some lotion on them or I will pick at them if they get dried and rough. I have 4 fingers that have hang nails that I have picked at.
sigh
watched 2 episodes of jerry seinfeld. It was so funny, we laughed together.
AM gettting ready for bed. I let my hair dry naturally when I wash it at night. Will fix it in the morning. It never looks as good but styling it before bed seems like a waste of time and energy....

bizi

[bizi]

this is the song that james taylor and bonnie raitt did for an encore it was great, I love this song so much!!!!!!
Hope you do too.
bizi

[bizi]

It is official,
I am depressed.
I have not been taking care of myself.
Wednesday, For lunch we went to burger king and I had a delicious Whopper that I had not had in 10 years. I drank too much at the fourth of july festivities, ate fair food, fake cheese chili hot dog,They must have been mild drinks because I did not get buzzed from the drinks/ jello shots so i kept drinking them. I have developed a high alcohol tolerance. I need to quit drinking.
I have not taken my vitamins for 2 days. Got up today and did not wash my face was running late.
My girl friend canceled lunch...have not seen her in ages...I miss her. none of my lunch bunch freinds want to do lunch with me. I hope there is somebody at sandras who I can eat lunch with.
I need to get some more friends.
Today I came home from work early and washed my face filled up my supplies, filled up my pill box with my vitamins and put them into my pocket. Spoke with jeff, he gave me a smooch.
I am not motivated to plan our trip. Last night I met with a friend who is moving away.
We had dinner together to talk about prague she just came back and gave me a map to have and a book to borrow. IT was difficult to look at the map. I am overwhelmed.
Maybe planning/ buying this trip was impulsive like a manic thing?????WE paid for it out of our line of credit. so we are financing it. So we are in debt, I also put my car repairs on the line of credit. So far we are in debt$20k. REpairs on the house and the bed. We also have 2 car payments. I don't like having debt.
It started off last year when we spent $4-5k on a new bed.

Buyers remorse.

We have that financed over 2 years. a $250 a month.


I don't know.
I just know that I feel down.
Need to go sandras for lunch right now, hoping someone will be there to talk to.
I need to get a life....
my addictions are getting to me. I have not lost any weight though I have not been trying. Jeff and I are starting the military diet on monday.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

I forgot to tell you that I ate at mcdonalds yesterday and had a big mac and fries and a diet coke.
all of which I don't eat....fast food 2 days in a row. Had not had a big mac in 35 years!@!!!!

Today I Ate lunch alone. at least I ate a healthy lunch:
salmon, collard greens, fruit salad and avocado salad and a tasty muffin.

sigh
bizi ____

[ArchieAus]

Trips away can unbalance your routine . I'm sure you will get a couple of stable weeks in soon and be feeling much better and positive and on track .
After the once in a lifetime experience of going to Prague and filling your soul with a different culture , there will also be time to knuckle down and bring down your credit debt . From your words , your partner ( Jeff ? ) sounds like a very solid , stable man . There will be time to work your way back onto the green side of the financial ledger soon enough .
You have done well with your drinking , your weight , your life . You'll keep doing that , have belief in yourself to keep achieving ..and to also traverse the streets of Prague and understand that map .

[bizi]

thank you archie aussie.
hubby and I eat out daily for lunch. spend about $10 a day so that is $20, $100 a week and $400 a month. just on lunch.

Eat out dinner on friday nights just spent 65$ for trivia whole foods. Entertainment and dinner.
Then we eat out sat noon at chris po boys and then sunday brunch at hub city diner. Then we will split a pizza from a local pizza place that is very good and inexpensive.
jeff and I start this new diet on monday.
bizi

[bizi]

want to go to the gym and walk on the tred mill but have had too much to drink to safely go there 1 mile away.
don't want to take a chance and get a DWI, that would ruin my life.
I have not been on the computer that much since I am some what depressed.
bizi

[bizi]

well so much for not being on the computer much. I have been on here 4 straight hours. the last 30minutes have chatted with a man who is sober for 15 months. I am going to start posting again on the HAMS sight again. harm reduction.
They promote abstaining or moderating to prevent harm to others and self.
I used to frequent there in 2016 quite a bit. I went there tonight and found 2 of the posters from that time recently start back up again. So that is support right there.
bizi

[bizi]

I am better tonight.
I have taken my vitamins consistently for a few days.

Have been eating at my health food store for lunch at sandras.

Ate with bill and mike today. Had a leisurely lunch, it was nice to have small talk with people more my age and not just 80-90's. Don't get me wrong, I love my job but really hated eating alone for lunch. Bill and mike eat at the singles area there are 4 seats open for grab. I will sit at one of them when I am not eating with my lunch bunch. I have not had lunch with paula in weeks. something always comes up.
I wish I could be better friends with her but that is not happening sorry to say.
My weight is 180.5....jeff is fasting the next 2 days. I should fast with him...except I need to eat 350 calories to take my geodon/meds at noon.
I am going to shoot for 500 calories for the days.
I finally had an alcohol free day today. Decided that my tolerance was so high that I did not need all of those extra calories.

In the evening after dinner I went to the shoe station and bought 2 pairs of shoes on sale. Then went to planet fitness and walked on the tred mill for 34 minutes. Used the hydro bed for 10 minutes.
I feel more in control.
I feel better, not depressed.

Need to get up early in the morning to take a shower. I have been busy with work seeing 5 clients every day starting at 8;30am and working every saturday till I get caught up from our vacation.
Thank you for your support.
bizi

[bizi]

up at 6;30am

took shower

I had 2 cups of coffee with stevia, 0 cals

12 oz of diet stevia sweetened cream soda 0 cals

3 cups of water
1 serving of maple oatmeal 160 cals

one diet chocolate shake 50 cals
so far: 220 calories for the day.

Saw 2 clients this morning, hopefully see 3 this afternoon.

dinner will be poached chicken 3 oz equals 120 calories
maybe pick up some spinach which is low calorie and wilt it.
I need a veggie. I missed eating at sandras, jeff is here so that was good. He did not eat anything for lunch.
He can always have a piece of cheese and some cottage cheese if he gets grouchy he said.

I am saving calories for 100 calorie bag of pop corn.
counting calories eating out would be so hard to do.
I can't imagine eating at sandras and trying to count calories.


bizi

[bizi]

I so admire those who count calories.
It is not easy at all.
210 for lunch then 135 calories chicken and mustard, 100 calories of almonds mid afternoon, pop corn for snack tonight100 cals for a total of 545 calories for the day. veggies have calories I hardly ate anything ! double this and that is my goal calories to lose one pound per week.
I would go crazy with this. and staaarve!!!!!
It just showed me how much I truly eat and this is why I am over weight. plus my beers had 200 calories in them. so no drinks for me!
bizi

[bizi]

1200calories is what is recommended to lose weight.
not much food when I am used to eating a lot of food.
Perhaps this 2 days of restricted foods/calories will shrink my stomach.
getting ready to pop corn.
yeah!
hubby has made it all day fasting and doesn't want to break it. He is trying to go 2 days fasting. I could not do that.
bizi

[bizi]

Up at 6;30 again.
177.1 this morning, water weight but I will take it.
up again at 6:30 getting ready for morning coffee.
I love coffee in the mornings but in the afternoon I take a caffeine pill it helps with fatigue.
Last night we started watching rick steves travel you-tube videos about prague. It looks beautiful.
I bought a book called the top 10 thing in prague.
Most things are not in english, that makes me nervous..
I was good to do this as we had not been planning., not talking about our trip.
he wants to talk about going to pensicola for our anniversary weekend trip, last hurrah before the semester starts again.
sounds good.
have a good day yall!
bizi

[splitimage]

I'm trying to follow a 1200 calorie / day diet too. although most days, I actually eat closer to 1050. I do have a splurge day every couple of days where I go totally over, and go out for a cheeseburger or wings, but so far it's working for me. I've lost over 20 lbs.

Alcohol is just empty calories, another good reason to avoid it.

splitimage

[bizi]

congratulations on your weight loss.

Went to whole foods and made myself a huge kale salad with small amounts of other veggies and a 3 oz piece of fish just with balsamic vinegar, I microwaved it to add some moisture to it.
no oil. It was tasty for 200 calories.
Then went back to WF for another salad but this time had added artichoke hearts and some mushrooms. I added chicken broth to it. It was a lot of food. I then had 3 oz of chicken with mustard, grand total for day so far: I will call it 500 calories.maybe that will tied me over until tomorrow. I can see going to whole foods alot.. I am very full.
Drank a diet cream soda and it was very good!
may not be snacky at 9;30 (while we watch seinfeld) for some pop corn.
hubby is doing strong. He is thinking that he will fast on wednesdays and thursdays.
I am going to a meditation tonight with a guide using Tibetan singing bowls. Have wanted to hear Fran the guide for our meditation. She is getting ready to move out of the country. so I want to hear her bowls at least one time before she leaves.
I need to get ready to leave it starts at 6pm. As I want to get there early.

bizi

[bizi]

Let me preface by saying that I have seen fran in the past, both as an individual therapist and a group leader. If you recall I went thru a heroines journey where 6 women met monthly with fran guiding us thru our issues using art, music, movement meditation etc...the sessions lasted 3 hours. We met for 14 months. It was a powerful experience. The group helped me.
That was years ago.
I ran into a friend at one of the assisted living facilities that we had clients. She is the one who told me about the session with Fran last night. It was meant to be our timing. the class had been post pond for some reason and this was going to be the last one for a while so I want to experience the power of sound with her.

This experience was new to me and I was curious about these bowls.
The session last night was called "a sound bath".
About 15 people on yoga mats got as comfortable as we could lieing on the floor. The mat that I was using was paper thin so I got a blanket to lie on as well. There was a bolster to support my head. I laid there with my knees bent because I can't just lay flat due to my diaphragm issues. Have to say I was uncomfortable.

She instructed us to the let the sounds heal us..thru meditation.
She started with the bowls which were beautiful. She had about 10 of them in different sizes.

Then she went to the gongs.

They were amazing!!!
One of the gongs was quite musical and when she used it I was mesmerized.

I had to open my eyes and watch her to see what exactly she was doing. I loved it as she crescendo with a storm of sounds like a storm. Just lovely!
after an hour we were called up to sit and share if we wished. Some people had lost a loved one recently and were brought to tears. After it was over I went up to Fran and hugged her and thanked her for the session and gave her a big hug. She is up and leaving to move to Portugal.

I glanced thru the endless books that she was selling and picked out 3 cd's and 2 books.
Even though I was uncomfortable the quality of the music/sounds distracted me. I could feel the vibrations of the drums and tuning folks as they came around each person. It was very powerful.
What I learned was that I am not taking care of myself.
My body specifically.
I am so out of shape...want to start the home exercises again. My balance is so off/poor, I can barely stand on one foot to put my pants on in the mornings.
Right now I am a high risk for falls.
Up early again, 175.4 so am happy to see the numbers come down.
Hubby just left for his walk. He is looking forward to eating something today. He fasted with out eating any thing for 2 days.(except for a little butter milk to take his vitamins with.)
That was the second day of not drinking for me.
When I diet, I don't usually drink, because it has so many calories...and I can't seem to just drink one drink and I like fattening beers and sweet drinks.
It is a salmon friday at Sandras. So I will go there and see what is on the menu for sides. I will ask for smaller portions.
My hair appointment is for 9:30am so I have plenty of time to do some stretches on the bed like I did last year. I even have the exercise sheets still on the night stand next to the spare bed in the guest room.
My hips are so frozen it will hurt to do them. I need to go slowly to not hurt myself. At this point I don't even think I can cross my legs.
I have 3 clients this after noon.
We are going to a movie tonight, have to work tomorrow but will have time to go for gumbo at noon like usual, then art walk down town.
I hope the weather cooperates. We have been having daily showers in the afternoons, good for our grass.
Have a lovely day my friends!
bizi

[bizi]

My hair turned out great!
Wish I could have this student for ever I still get to have her for 2 more months!
I have to work in the morning, then art walk tomorrow night.
Still trying to diet.
Had a bowl of hearty veggie soup with a side of salad at jasons deli it was very good.
I had salmon and veggies(bok choy, smoothered cabbage and kale) for lunch. Ate with my pals paula and niko,
good to finally see them, especially paula.
Am still AF (alcohol free) My tummy hurts for some odd reason,
just took some tums so hoping that will help...I think I have some gas -x.
Hope I can sleep.
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

The singing bowls thing sounds amazing. I've had limited exposure to them, with meditation guides who used them to start or end the meditation, but have never listened to them for more than a few minutes.


Good luck with starting the stretching and exercising. That's something I struggle with as well. I'm so out of shape, I can't even walk 15 min, without getting out of breath. And it's so hot outside I don't want to go out.

Beer is definitely fattening. That's one of my problems also, so good luck with staying AF - you'll definitely see results on the scale.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you so much! I have yet to search google/you tube for other videos of sound baths. I will try that this morning.

I got up early this morning turned off the alarm at 6;30 so I have plenty of time for cups of coffee and stretching exercises.
my sacrum left side of my back was sore/hurt last night at the movie and walking back to our car. Wonder if I injured it doing the stretches. One of them was a twisting of my back/spine. It definitely was stiff, I could do those exercises so well a year ago. Last year I stopped doing them because I thought I had injured my back plus I no longer wanted to do them. Lazy or lack of motivation. Maybe both. I did them faithfully twice a day for a month...It took me 25 minutes each set.

Wonder if I have sciatica?
I forgot to do the pigeon pose sitting yesterday...I should be able do this with my left leg but not my right leg. Will try this morning.
175.3 this morning, I will take it.
Hubby is driving to new orleans today to pick up his best friends daughter.
And I will be working, hoping to see my girl friend at noon as I will be on the north side of town. I will call her, have not chatted in quite a while. Doris is the friend that I traveled with last Oct to north carolina for a blue grass festival, and visited a few other areas during our 8 day rode trip.
I hope that you have a lovely day. Waking up clear headed is great!

3 nights Alcohol free.
bizi

[bizi]

I did my stretching exercises with out pain to my back and even did a plank...now that was no fun! 20 seconds.
bizi

[bizi]

It was a light day at work. was supposed to see 4 clients but ended up seeing only 2 but was happy about that because it allowed me to see my friend Doris. She had a lot going on in her life so I was glad that I called. She is seriously going to leave her husband. They are living separate lives in the same house, she is not cooking for him nor doing his laundry. She just needs to figure out where to go live, she doesn't want to stay here. She has put up with so much abuse it is not funny. I believe she is 72 years old. She says I am the only person she can talk to about important stuff. She does see a psychologist once a month. I told her she needed to see her more often.
Another worry is that her mother just got diagnosed with uterine cancer, they are doing a pet scan next week to see if it has spread. She is 90 years old and refuses to have surgery.
Unfortunately, Doris has a strained relationship with almost all of her family.
It was good to talk with her, am glad that I can be a support person to her.

I had a grilled chicken salad from mcdonalds for lunch.
saw another client and came back home. Decided we needed some salad makings and diet salad dressings.I cooked up some left overs(alfredo pasta and macaroni and cheese) with squash spiral noodles and mushrooms and a bit of pesto.
It turned out very good but was very fattening.I didn't eat that much maybe a cup.
I have no idea how many calories was in that.
After dinner we went to art walk downtown. went to the main gallery and they were having a performance art with 15 people all dressed differently and eccentrically. They kind of did a fashion show. It was odd really.
We walked thru the Acadiana center for the arts, and went thru the vault...the building used to be a bank. They had interesting quilts that I love.
One of the things that I bought at the store, is a box of 40calorie fudge bars. yum I had one then had a 100 calorie bag of pop corn, hubby had some of mine.
I had a light lunch a very heavy dinner and then some snacks which were reasonable.
And this is the 4th night not drinking., so that is good.
My back is sore again, just walking downtown in the heat was tiring and my back ached, then my foot started hurting me. I need new shoes. I ordered some new boat shoes but they came in today and were too big.
Now I have to return them, and have to go shoe shopping which I hate to shop.
I need to do some of my exercises before bed.
bizi
I forgot, I threw out so many bottles of old condiments and sauces, apple butters bbq sauces jellies and fattening salad dressings ...It weighed a ton. I cleaned off a few of the shelves.
and organized it better and there was so much more room!!!!! yay!

[splitimage]

Sounds like overall you've had a few good days. Glad you could see your friend Doris.

Well done on the 3 nights AF.

Hope your back pain clears up, with continued stretching.
splitimage

[bizi]

split, thanks for the reminder, I forgot to do my stretches today.
I will go do them right now!
bizi