[downandlonely]

My low back has started bothering me since I started gaining weight in the belly area. I think if I can lose the weight, the pain will stop.

[bizi]

I gained weight in my belly as well. I look pregnant. not a pretty sight.
I would like to lose all of this weight gain.
I am shooting for low carb when I have finished this delicious dish that I made: an alfredo, pesto, mac and cheese, mushroom delight. There are probably 2 servings left.
I am not drinking right now so that should help me to lose.
bizi

[bizi]

So, I just want to cut back on my portions.
I split my lunch today. Half a hamburger steak with squash, beets and kale.
so had that for dinner plus left over chicken and salad so ended up eating more than I should. There are still left overs from 2 nights ago the mushroom alfredo which I thought jeff was going to eat tonight but did not. sigh
I have 2 pork chops talapia, and chicken all thawed and forgot that jeff is fasting wed and thur.
rats, guess I will cook up this food and it will keep in the refrigerator. I can't refreeze it like I thought about.

bizi

[bizi]

I need new nite gowns.
6th day today AF.
Will go to the mall to look.
bizi

[bizi]

For me,
vacations are really hard to moderate, yes feeling like we deserve to drink and be happy.
I drank heavily in june while in IN for 2 weeks. I did not drink for 4 days in march this year in florida
when the rest of my family did.
why can't we not drink and be happy?
I want to moderate while we are on a 2 day vacation
to florida in august and then a week in europe in sept/oct then home for
christmas in december for 2 weeks.
Since I am dieting I am not drinking. the scale is slowly moving down.
bizi

[bizi]

I almost stopped for a beer after work but instead drank a big glass of sweetened water on the drive home. no room for beer so I just went home. It worked..until i got home and looked in the refrigerator and hubby had beer that I like I was this close to asking him for one of his beers but then I got busy cooking up a new dish that the urge went away.
whew!
Fish stew:
It turned out great and hubby loved it.

Talapia, italian diced tomatoes, thyme, garlic powder, parsley
carrots and onions. It took more time chopping than cooking.
If any one wants the recipe I will post it.

Had it with an avocado and some blueberries. yum!
So it was a great meal, and healthy.
and easy to cook taking only 10 minutes to cook.

I need to find more recipes like this.
bizi

[bizi]

lunch :
I had beef and squash and fruit salad and swiss chard. Everything was healthy,
organic and grass fed beef. I eat at sandras health food store.
I just heard of a new place that has plate lunches with organic foods.
I am so excited to try it out.
bizi

[bizi]

Got up early today due to restlessness, before 6am.
I was looking forward to sleeping in....sigh
so much for that!
Grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to peruse the forums.
Unfortunately I sat in some cat throw up....yuck!@
Had to get undressed and spot treat my new nite shirt.
I cleaned myself and the chair.
Put my freshly cleaned uniform on and got ready for work.
My first client of the day is at 10 am.
I am doing a load of laundry, something useful during this extra time not sleeping.
I finally went to the bathroom as that had been a problem for days.
I weighed 174.9 this morning...I know that it is water weight especially since I had some loose stools this morning(sorry if TMI).
The reason that I weigh myself every day is because I hate how I look. I have gained weight everywhere, I can't even see my collar bone. And I have back fat and shoulder fat and rolls under/at my bra line. I look pregnant, hate it. HATE IT!!!!!
I was denied acceptance to the Aspen Clinic (medical weight loss clinic)because I am bipolar and take klonipin. That was disappointing. They counted calories which I found to be deplorable. So now I am just eating healthy and watching portion sizes. and loosing weight slowly.
Not drinking has helped take off a couple of pounds.
I will take it.
On to my 3rd cup of coffee.
bizi

[bizi]

Came home early and sat in my car contemplated going to fat pats for a couple of beers. hubby came out. So I went in. cleaned up some more cat puke on the carpet we have a sick kitty.She has thrown up a lot today. put the food up so she can't eat it.Told hubby that I was going to go get a beer. and he frowned because he is doing a 2 day fast again.so I looked up how fattening the beers are....280 calories for 2- 10oz beers. I have talked myself out of going.
There are left overs for me to eat from the other night, mushroom alfredo. I will eat that and throw the rest away.
So I dodged a bullet.
whew!
bizi
coming here has helped me be accountable.

[bizi]

did not make it home...went to fat pats for beer. 60 oz by the time I was through. 5-12 oz beers is a binge.

jeff is trying to give hattie her pill by hiding into her new wet food.
we shall see if she eats it or not.
bizi

he popped the pill into her mouth.
I also ate a big basket of fries.
sigh

[bizi]

WE won trivia tonight, although I really couldnot answer any questions. The other members of our team won.
We gave them the $20 gift card to whole foods.
We had a cheese tray and split a pizza for dinner. I had a few drinks.
nice evening. So much for my diet.


I work tomorrow, going out of town, little town called Iota, LA.

Jeff has his big band concert/dance. The sky liners play at a club tomorrow night. It is a 20 piece jazz band, big band with a singer.
they have dances every other month thru out the year.
The players do it for the ove of music as it doesn't pay much.
I have seen them play several times before. The music all sounds the same so I won't go again unless I go with some one else.

my new shoes came in...not crazy about them.
they are boat shoes and I guess I am just going to have to break them in


bizi

[bizi]

when I drink I make poor food choices.....
I don't have enough will power to stop. Jeff doesn't think I have a problem.
he surprised me last night by going to Brazillion rodizio grill.
They slice meat off at your table. meat meat meat!!!!! buffet food table. We won't go back there. I thought the food had a weird taste, like msg or something.
expensive and never going back.
sigh
bizi
For lunch at sandras, jeff joined me at sandras.
I had grilled sea bass and chard and spinach red lentil soup. It was delicious!

Going to have chicken/asparagus for dinner tonight.
We were going to have that last night but the chicken had spoiled rotten. yuck.

I stopped off at a meat market to buy some more chicken.
I had a cancellation This afternoon. That is why I am able to post.
I have not posted on the forums, the other ones much because I don't feel like participating as much.
I need to reel in my computer usage.
sigh
bizi
I am so depressed about my weight 183.6, highest weight in a year. __________________

[bizi]

I forget, does anyone follow my thread?
bizi
thank you if you do.

[splitimage]

Hi Bizi,

I read your thread - just don't comment often.

I can relate to your saying that you make poor food choices when you drink. I'm the same way. So it's a double whammy.

It sounds like you've got some great places around you to eat. I'm jealous, there's nothing particularly good close to me, not that I can afford to eat out anyways.

Good luck with the weight loss.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thanks for responding!!!!!
I get discouraged and feel alone when no one responds. my insecurities.
hope you are well.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[bizi]

I am pretending to diet. eating and drinking freely.
not going to lose weight this way.
hubby is cooking tonight. an avocado stuffed with white cheddar cheese then wrapped in hamburger and then wrapped in bacon. they are huge! He put them on the grill and are cooking as I write.
For lunch I had a stuffed bell pepper, because the shrimp was way to salty I returned it to the kitchen at sandras...Swiss chard and fruit salad was lunch. so very good. hubby joined me.
During the summer it is so nice to have him join me for lunch.
Work day went well.
so good day.
bizi

[bizi]

I drank too much...went to bed/passed out early before washing my face or taking my meds.
woke up at 10;40 and took night meds/washed face and took 4 tums as my tummy is not too hot.
tried to drink 2 glasses of water but felt like that was a bad idea on my queasy stomach. I hope I don't end up getting sick.
I don't think it was the quantity of alcohol that I drank it was the timing.
I drank strong beers fast, in a short amount of time.

sigh
bizi
I thanked hubby for dinner. I hardly remember eating it.
I do remember it was delicious...I ate the whole thing, hubby did not.

[bizi]

My thinking is off. It is hard to explain.
Admitting to myself that I am an alcoholic....some how I am going to prove it.
And just drink as much as I can The drinks that I drink are high alcohol content, that is where I got into trouble.
My thinking is wrong.
it is like "yes I can drink because I am an alcoholic"....like I am giving myself permission to drink.
Does that make any sense?
bizi

[ArchieAus]

Willpower is not limitless , it's a resource which can run low . Once it does your brains can justify to us any desicion we decide on .
That's the reality , if it wasn't we would all be the people we decide to be .
Yes , I still follow your thread . Because your from the Deep South it brings romantic images of you strolling around wearing a bonnet and carrying a parasol ..saying things like " I do declare " .. yep , I know it's 2018 and not 1818

[bizi]

That is funny archie!
hope you are well.
bizi

[bizi]

chronic substance abuse is my official title on my GP notes.
which is a new way of saying alcoholic.
so I know that I am , it runs in my family.
I come by it honestly.
That is what my sister has said.
I just thought that my bipolar was out of whack.
guess I can't blame it on that.
sigh
bizi

[downandlonely]

I think most people with addictions are also mentally ill. They are trying to use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate. I think alcohol may help with mania in the short term, but makes things worse in the long term, as it is a depressant.

[splitimage]

I can totally relate to the "I'm an alcoholic, so I'll drink" line of thinking. I come from a family of alcoholics, and when I first realized that my drinking was a problem, back in 2002, but I just kind of said to myself, "ok, so I'm an alcoholic and that's why I'm drinking, but it's not hurting anyone, so it's ok."

The only regret I have is that I didn't seek help for my drinking in 02 when I first recognized that it's a problem.

Because my drinking got progressively bad, to the point that I lost a really good job.


I've been struggling to maintain sobriety ever since.

Please get help before you ruin your life.

splitimage

[bizi]

split, I am sorry that you lost a good job

and that you struggle with sobriety.
I only drank 2 strong beers last night. so that was better.
bizi
better is better.....

[bizi]

For the past 2 nights we have been cooking together for dinner because I bought the food delivery where they ship you all the ingredients and you prepare the meal. Sun basket is the company. Too expensive regular prices but we used the special deal for your first box. I have already canceled any more boxes.

This particular company uses all organic veggies and fruits.
Yesterdays meal was jerked chicken with a peach, fennel and cabbage salad.
We both liked that and it did not take too long to prepare.
tonight we cooked a steak with a arugula verde sauce for the steak and a side of zuchinni, feta and tomatoes and lime zest salad. WE both enjoyed this meal too. Although the steak was a bit chewy....
Both nights I had 2 beers and stopped even though we had more beers in the fridge, so that was good.
I think I can go with moderation at this point in my life.
Trivia tomorrow night....at whole foods in the bar.

Will see how I do.
Day at a time.
Better is better.
bizi