Daily Check In #3

congratulations split, you are doing so well.

I have been having major urges these past few days...have been able to curb them by substituting other gaba stroking things...or what ever chemically rewarding things....don't know the chemistry behind what I am saying but I used diet root beer and gum and getting on line to ignore my cravings and it worked.

(I did not snack this time which is good because I am dieting and that defeats the whole purpose for not drinking).
I made it officially 2 weeks now, weighed 181.3 this morning...sigh
up a couple pounds down a couple pounds.
The salty alfredo did not help last night.

Plus I am not drinking enough water!
bizi

Congratulations on the sobriety all! You are all an inspiration.

I have my big appointment first thing tomorrow. Should be discussing treatment options. I’m going to tell them I’d prefer to abstain than try to moderate.

Wish me luck!

good luck!i
you can do it!
Private message me if you want I am on here frequently.

I am dealing with urges and it is hard to ignore them but it is possible.
bizi

Loial
Good luck with the appointment. Just be honest with them, as that's the best way to get help. Hope they're able to point you in the right direction.
splitimage

Today mental health dumped me and I feel like drinking. My friend said she dropped me with the bottle if I went out and got one. So what do you think I choose to do then...not go get a bottle.

Greentires,
Congratulations on not going out and buying a bottle. That was strong.


I'm sorry mental health dumped you - I don't know where you are, or understand how the system works where you are, but that doesn't seem fair. Can you appeal, or ask for a referral to someplace else?

Hang in there.

splitimage

I live on the opposite side of the country in British Columbia...

I am going to write a formal complaint as well as talk with human rights. And I am seeing my doctor on Monday.

They said they couldn’t have too many hands in the pie as my doctor prescribes my meds as well. I don’t think they understand not psych meds my physical health meds. They wanted me to conform I butt heads with the case manager she didn’t talk to me for 9 weeks or saw me either. She expected me to show up when I was in pain before my ovarian cyst diagnosis. I wanted to go to the group therapy I did but my physical health prevented me.

She said she is an advocate but she has screwed me royally. I wasted 8 years with mental health I conformed by taking medication jumping through hoops and going to DBT and CBT.

Now I have nothing but anger, beyond anger it’s that I am infuriated.

I have issues and now I am alone in this battle. I pay to see student counsellor they think it’s covered it’s not. They think I see addictions counsellor but she is on medical leave because she had knee surgery. They say i also see this person or that person in town but I don’t. All these he said she said arguments untruthful bias no treating the individual as a whole.

I used to have a driver to my appointments now I don’t have that. I no longer have psychiatrist or a case manager.

My case manager said once “I am not going anywhere... no need to worry!” She is superficial and very fake.

I hope you never have to run into anything like that.

Sorry to hear about the troubles, greentires. I hope you are able to resolve it.

Day 637. Things going well.

Haven't taken xanax in a while then decided to take 4mg. I feel tired. Not the same without methylphenidate which is a good thing. Think I'll just use it for panic attacks from now on. I feel less emotions. I planned to study but meh..

I want to smoke a cigarette.. but I quit cuz I might have lynch syndrome where it's very likely that I'll get all sorts of cancers in my life and have to be checked from at least age 20-25.

Craving cocaine. Was going to order an 8 ball but I stopped myself..

I went out for a smoke instead. All the things going through my head is bad.

great substitution!
reward that part of our brain with something pleasurable but safer.
bizi

Made it!

Congratulations childofchaos831!!

I always feel so guilty for saying I'm not doing well because I have so much to be grateful for. I'm so, so stressed and tired.

Congratulations Childofchaos - that's awesome.

Desoxyn, well done for choosing a less harmful alternative to the 8 ball.

Murderface, we all have days where we feel bad and overwhelmed, even if we know we have stuff to be grateful for. It's normal, it's how we choose to react that matters. I don't think I've seen you posting in the addictions thread before, so welcome.

I'm struggling a bit with cravings, but I know they're directly related to my clonazepam taper so I'm finding them to dismiss with the thought "you don't really want to drink, this is just your brain chemistry being wonky"


Hope you all have a good day.

splitimage

I told my best RL friend about my alcohol problem today. He lives in another country now so we don’t see each other often although we talk all the time. It was nice getting it off my chest and he was understanding and said I did well to go and seek help.

"Tweaky, it's important to me that you don't get a benzo problem. Please don't. I do understand how seductive that lazy, worryless slack can be. But I also know how much damage a benzo addiction can do and it happens whilst the drug is keeping you unaware of the fact that its vandalising your mind and is busy closing off important aspects of your brain, like creativity and the ability to engage with other people effectively. If you can't resist them when they're there, then honestly you need to put them beyond use, possibly somewhere that takes a good walk to get to, or buried in a place so that you can retrieve them until you've sobered up and only get enough for the week each time. If you find that when you retrieve them you get all of them, then you honestly need to destroy all of them. In the mean time, do not get to a place where you need to taper. Tapers only work in around 10% of cases. That's 10% in a full individuals life. The remaining 90% cannot do it and spend the rest of their lives addicted or are forced to CT by circumstances. That's not a place you want to be and not a place that I want to see you in. You're on the edge, trust me. [00:56] Sorry to be that guy, but I'd rather tell you how dangerous the dog is than watch you get bitten. [00:57] You're creative and write well, which is one of the things benzos kill the urge for. Don't do it. Don't waste that. It takes a long time to get back and leaves the nagging doubt that it ever will return completely. [00:58] *stumbles down from the soapbox because he's drunk again on lab-grade ethanol*"

I haven't taken benzos in 2 days. I will only take for rare panic attack. I know the dangers too much but I was reckless because methylphenidate felt good with the benzos. But they are placebo without stimulants or anxiety and I don't have GAD (Zero anxiety, just rare panic attacks for no reason). I take my vyvanse as prescribed and if it's not enough, I take caffeine.

I do good in the mornings. Tell myself I won’t drink that day. Then by the night I’ve had seven glasses of wine and I black out and don’t remember how I got to bed. This is almost an everyday thing now and I don’t know how to stop. I’m on medication for a stomach ulcer right now and I just. Need to stop.

Littleearthquakes, I was exactly the same way until I made a plan and got help to stop drinking. It's really hard to do on your own. I'd suggest talking with your Dr., be totally honest about how much you're drinking, and have them help you find out what options are available to you for support.

I had a followup appointment with the ER Respirology clinic re the black spot on my lung yesterday. I told the Dr., doing my exam that I was an alcoholic but had been sober for 5 months, one week, and he was super nice and congratulatory. Made me feel good.

I know the struggle. I’d tried many times to quit myself over the past year and each time I’d end up back to the same old routine.

I recently went to my GP and have been referred into alcohol services. Still early days and I’m still drinking but I feel more positive now that I am getting help.

I know it’s hard to take that initial step but you won’t regret it once you do...

My moms friend offered me a glass of wine and I said yes. "What could possibly go wrong?" Well it looks like I had a psychosis/panic attack.

I knew my heart was ok so I didn't freak out. I took 2mg Ativan which helped but I was still feeling a bit anxious so I took 1mg Xanax. I then went to sleep. I can't keep doing this so I have to avoid panic attacks in some way.

I'm completely mentally stupid when I'm having a panic attack. My mom told me to turn on her fan and I barely knew how to do it. "3" was highest and "1" was lowest and she wanted it on low and I didn't know which was high or low.

Just need to put this out there benzos and alcohol don’t mix well together. One could potentially stop breathing and go into cardiac arrest. Having Possible anxiety attack to panic attack to liquor maybe stay away from it all together.

Did you know that an orange will reverse a High...and bring you down not completely but enough to be able to think straight.

Today 3 years 8 months 18 days sober. Glad the app can count.

I haven't taken benzos in 3 days cuz I didnt have any anxiety or panic.

I decided to stay away from even small amounts of alcohol because it triggers panic attacks for some strangely odd reason.

I bought a pack of cigarettes cuz it feels better than vaping or nicotine replacement therapy. Also because I feel upset and stressed about my past, present and future. I'll just try to smoke less.

Other than that I haven't been doing any drugs.

good for you for living a real life with out drugs.
I think vaping is better than smoking because you don't have the harmful smoke. just my opinion.
bizi