Still messing up.........

I have been drinking for a long time, well 11 years wich seems long to me. Even longer if you count my teen years. In the last 3 years it has hit its peak. I lost 2 jobs that I really loved and one boyfriend that I cared for alot....just not as much as that next beer. When I drink I'm not even the same person anymore. I have done things that are beyond stupid and even dangerous. Last time I got drunk I left my house to meet someone I should never have been meeting in the first place and fell and almost broke my ankle. I should have went straight to the hospital but I was 2 drunk to face it so I went to bed and woke up unable to walk. I had to crawl to the car and get dropped off there. I always feel ashamed and guilty the next day not to mention scared that I acted so terribly.... Has anyone else experienced this and how do you beat it? I still have the desire to drink and I come up with every excuse in the book for why I should. I can't seem to except that fun can exist without drinking. This is a learned thing for me because my whole family drinks for every occasion that there is.........I feel so pathetic because I know it is wrong...............It has such a strong hold.

Alcohol is an addiction and it's really hard to give up. The disease tells us we have to drink even when we don't want to. I've done tons of stupid dangerous things while drunk that I feel bad about. I grew up around people who drank a lot too, and so it seemed normal and for a while it was a lot of fun, until I got to the point where I was just drinking for the sake of drinking - to numb out any feelings. I had to loose a really good job and wind up in the hospital from drinking before I was ready to stop, and even with all that I've had a couple of relapses.

I've had withdrawl seizures, the DT's, and been in treatment twice and even then I've had a couple of relapses since I got serious about getting sober.

It's really hard to get sober, but it is possible, and it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself. No more black outs, no more hangovers, no more uncontrolable throwing up, no more shakes, no more shame. I'm having to learn to deal with emotions and how to enjoy life sober which is hard. I sometimes feel like all I do is go to work and go to AA meetings. Of course that's not true. Since getting sober, I've gotten back into music, I've started new hobbies, I've reconnected with friends, and most importantly I don't hate myself anymore.

I don't know how much you're drinking or how regularly, but you might want to talk to your dr about withdrawl management / detox, because depending on how badly you are addicted withdrawl can put you at risk of seizure. I've done medically supervised detoxes 3 times.

You might want to consider treatment - I've done both inpatient and outpatient rehab. The inpatient rehab wasn't that great and didn't really work for me, but he outpatient program I found was really good an helped me a lot. I also go to AA 3 times a week and find that that really helps me a lot.

You might want to consider giving AA a try - it can be a great support.

By the time I was ready to quit, I was basically drinking 24 / 7 passing out and then coming to and drinking enough until I passed out again. I was drinking a minimum of 40 oz of scotch a day. If I can stop anyone can. Like I said it's hard but it is possible.

We have a recovery chat here every Tuesday night at 10 pm eastern time. Not sure what time zone you're in but if it works for you you might want to come check us out. You don't have to be in recovery to join in, it's just a chat about the joys and challenges of trying to stop or stay stopped.

Good luck.

Splitimage

asking your family what they think about your drinking, can somewhat motivate you to stop, My dad is an alcoholic and always drinks its hard to talk to him about anything