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#1
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I've been in therapy for a year now.
My T is great. I just wish I wasn't so obssesed with her. I think about her all the time lately... We've been arguing a lot for the past 4-5 sessions. I don't know why but I have a mean and not very cooperative attitude towards her. I question her way of working and complain she is not helping me. Last session she said she can't work with me like this because I don't listen, and don't trust her. Why is this happening? She is awsome, why can't I just work with her and make good use of our sessions? I feel like I just want to get her attention, and argue with her, it's a very childish thing. I'm scared she will end up getting tired of the situation, and telling me that we should stop therapy or something. In the mean time...I can't even go on with my life. I cry most of the day, and only look forward to my next appt. Any suggestions? What do you guys think? How can I tell her my real feelings instead of acting out? |
#2
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Welcome to PC ashley! Yes, I think you do like your T alot. You sure should be able to discuss these feeling with her. I think she already "knows" why you are acting out...and learning more about this will help your relationship.
Sometimes when we have trusted someone, we "regret" it and try to force them to not like us, and to go away... maybe also in an effort to keep from having to share something really troubling. (Is therapy going too fast for you? That can also cause this "acting out.") Remember, the T is there as your consultant... like in a business. You hired her to consult with on personal issues. Again, welcome to psych central!
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#3
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Welcome Ashley.
I understand a little about what you are saying. For me, I feel like I have to argue or go against my T because I try to sabotage the care she truly feels for me and I am so afraid of her walking away from me that I try to push her away. I have told her recently that I am afraid that one day T will be over and she won't be in my life....it was good that I expressed my feelings because I have such abandonment issues. I am wondering if you have the same issues and are doing the same thing? |
#4
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Hi Ashley,
I encourage you to talk with your T about the situation. I have had a few times when I was resisting counseling, and we talked about it together. I think, in my case, it has happened sometimes when I have felt angry with my counselor and was having a hard time discussing it...and hard as it is to talk about angry feelings with my counselor, it has helped when we discussed it together. It has also happened when my counselor was pushing too hard or going too fast. He's usually very good about that, but a couple of times he has pushed for something that wasn't working out for me, and we needed to talk about it and slow down. Again, this is just my situation. Your situation might be different. However, if you talk with your T and say that you can feel you are resisting inside, and she's noticed it too...and you'd like to find out why it is happening and how to help things go better, I bet the two of you can figure out some ways to improve the situation. Wishing you all the best... Take care, ErinBear
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#5
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Hello, I think I can relate to thinking about your T all the time. For me I think it was that my relationship with her was like anyone else.
One thing may be that you are obviously wanting to get better, or you wouldn't be there, that was very exciting for me, and I too sometimes questioned my T's way of getting me to where I needed to be, and would resist a bit. Just know that he/she wants you to succeed, and don't be afraid to talk to him/her about the feelings you're telling us about. It's their desire to see you get through this, and I'm sure that what you're feeling isn't something he/she has never seen before. Take care, good luck. Hope this helps. |
#6
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Thank you guys for the replies!
Last night I was feeling really bad. I tried to talk to my mom about my T, therapy, and all this strong feelings that scare and confuse me. My mom had no better thing to tell me than ask me if I was a lesbian and had a crush on my T. I was SO upset. (not that I have anything against different sexual orientations). It's just that I can't believe she is so stupid to think the only reason for being attached to my T could be a sexual thing. It has nothing to do with that. I'm attached to her, and have strong feelings but not sexual, I actually look at her as a kind of mother, or older sister kinda thing. I have session today. And I don't know what to tell my T, how can I explain her what's going on? Please, any suggestions welcomed... |
#7
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Ashley, Ive PMd you on this
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![]() good things come to those who wait, and wait and wait |
#8
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I would probably have to write up my feelings because I don't communicate as well when I have to like look at the person sometimes.
I have learned to do eye contact but it still distracts me from my thoughts. |
#9
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I'm intereseted to hear everyone's thoughts on this too. I think I have the same problem. Its not a sexual thing, in some ways I think its a need for approval from a nurturing figure. My mother was never very nurturing when I was a child and I think I look for that nurturing and attention from my therapist.....I think its called transfererence?
For me, I sometimes fight with the fact that I am recovering as I don't want to leave therapy.....probably not the best thing to do! Maybe your arguments are a way of staying in therapy, therefore staying close to your T and getting the attention you need? Just a thought.... |
#10
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I had my session yesterday. Before that I emailed her some of my thoughts (thanks hopeful).
The session was ok. We didn't argue this time. She didn't actually said it, but she let me know that what my mom said about sexual attraction was b.s. She didn't say anything about me being so attached to her. That upsets me kinda...She already knows how I feel, but she is like OK with it. Yes, newbie,.. transference. My T says that I have like a "massive transference" because I don't have any other nurturing figures except her. She is OK with it...and says that it's a good thing cause of there was no transference therapy would not be possible. I still think transference sucks and hurts like hell. As far as terminating therapy...it's not my case...I know I will probably spend yearsssssss with her...so that's not an issue... What is an issue is me getting better. I feel that now that I'm ok she doesn't pay so much attention to me...and I want that attention back.... Still interested on what you all think... Ashley |
#11
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Ive raised this very issue with my T. Wanting the world from her and feeling hurt when i dont get it. Wanting a mum and not getting it hurts like crazy. And the fear of losing my T and the fear of being abandoned. Ive actualy told her this is what im struggling with and we are actually going to discuss it tonight. Its hold onto the seat of your pants time cos if she starts to tell me what she can and cannot do i will get distraught. All im able to say, or talk about at the moment is that this is how i feel. Im even afraid to move on in case it means letting go. What a tight web im in.
atg
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#12
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Hi Ashley and Allthegirls,
Ashley, I am glad you were able to share your thoughts with your T thru email and that you both were able to discuss them openly. I know it is not easy. I hope she will be able to help you with the 'getting better = not the same amount of attention issue'? I know that is the same for me. Allthegirls. Good luck with discussing things with your t tonight.. We will be thinking of you. I think you are very brave to discuss it, as I know it would be very hard to hear what your T says; what she can do for you in the nurturing role, and also what she can't do. I hope it goes well. TC, NP |
#13
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Im still working on this
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