husband

I don't know where to turn right now so I came here to you guys. I am feeling so destroyed right now emotionally. numb I guess. Anyway a few months ago almost a whole bottle of my pain meds went missing. I thought maybe my brother had taken them but he denied it. I did not know it but my husband was taking them. Well I went and got my refill not thinking a bunch about it. bam it went too. yes hubby. I have told him I will not live thru this again. Last night I went to bed and looked at a new bottle I had just had filled and dang it was almost empty. I had had 1 pill out of it. So I confronted him again about it, He said he flushed them down the toilet so as not to be tempted. not sure I believe him on that. if he did he flushed 100 pills! he had broken his toe this week and the dr gave him a script for vicoden. I have lortab. so he went to the pharmacy yesterday to get that filled and put those in my bottle so I wouldn't know! to me that is like slapping me in the face. kicked in the gut. I am so lost.

Oh ((((((((((((((((( bebop ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hon, that is just so not right. I guess it's time to get a lock box for your meds and keep the key around your neck or in your pocket well hidden. No one has the right to your meds and to do what he did. What if you had a reaction to the meds he replaced.....good grief....

My daughter had the same problem at home with her ex. He denied to the end (when she finally kicked him out for good). He also stole my meds a couple of years ago....I had hidden them, but he found them when I was at work. Denied it then too....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

He has problems hon....I know I just stated the obvious....grrrrrrrrrr. I completely understand how you feel. No respect shown to you and what your illness is that requires you to have those meds. It's all about the addiction...pure and simple

Gentle
sabby

I do have a lock box but I had not put these in there. had them on my night table. he blamed me for it! I could not believe that. he said he thought I was setting him up for failure. I was trying to trust him! I told him he had to get into a 12 step program immediately! I just can't go thru this again!
thanks hon for your support!

My Mom has a problem with my brother steeling because of addiction (not meds just anything he can get his hands on to sell). My Mom locks everything important in her car and sleeps with the keys. I agree to lock the meds up, don't even let him you have them, tell him your not taking them anymore. I hate to advise anyone to lie but he has a problem and you don't need him to try and pry it open your lock box. (my brother got into my moms lock box). Good luck.

My advice is to get a surveillance cam set up and confront hubby with that should he betray your trust again. Also, try a marriage counselor to get the trust back.

Its easy to feel devasted and betrayed by addict behaviour because thats what is happening, but it may help if you think in terms of this is not the person in charge, but the addiction, and its important that you take relevant precuations. Addiction is stronger than a person'e morals, that is how I have experienced addiction, unfortunately.

river

meds are locked away now. I have the key. I told him he has to find a 12 step program. What I am worried about right this moment is his job. he is in law enforcement with no time off right now. I would hate for him to lose the job since I only have disability income. I know God can take this matter and take care of it for me. I have to have my faith. too many tears today.

we had it out yesterday after church. yeah I know not really a good thing right? anyway after we both shed alot of tears I think we are pretty clear on where we stand now. he has started opening up alot more at this point. time will tell. but I think this has taught him alot.

You can make it work

working on it. I am not a quitter

Bebop - I know your husband has a drug problem, not an alcohol problem, or at least if he has one you've never said it, but have you ever considered trying to go to an Alanon meeting. That's for relatives and friends of alcohollics. I understand that they can be a great support in learning how to deal with the addict in your life.

--splitimage

I've heard about them, but have never gone. My Aunt went and she swears by them. I have so many loved ones effected by addiction; sister, brother, cousins and my husband (his is a little different, he abuses his own medication). It's hard when the people you love suffer with this. It really sucks that there's nothing we can leagaly do to force them to get help. Hange in there!

split I have been to alanon when I was married to my late husband. for me it didn't help alot since most of the people in that one had a spouse in recovery. I did not care for their attitudes at all.


vetswife I hear you hon. if I could have helped/saved my late husband I would have done that.

Hey bebop, last comm. You said you were handling it. Why anyone would advise a group based on that is mind boggling. How is your and hubby's progress? Sobiety has been so strucured that addiction is a genetic disease that we have no control over which has zero scientific backing. Maybe if hub thought he could stop on his own without life of groups he would at least try. Look, once the earth was flat, the sun revolved around it and slavery was the norm. Paradigms are-a shifting.

if he chooses a 12 step program I will fully support him on it. I have seen the program work for some. those that are forced to go into it normally don't do well until they want to stop. He is doing well right now with staying away from the meds.

(((((bebop))))))

A good friend of mine reccomend I read a book called, "Co-Dependent No More". Its a good book and helped me learn to deal with my alcoholic boyfriend. Its got a straight up approach and the girl is pretty cool that writes it.....she's lived it. Not just some PhD with a pen.

Big hugs to you bebop! If you get a chance pick it up - if nothing else it gave me comfort.

Take care!

oh be I can relate so so much...
those damn pain meds are just TOO enjoyable, hence why i got rid of everything but my neurontin - i realized I was DEFINETYLY starting to take them for more than just pain and so out they went.

Im so sorry hun

they do nothing for me like that. guess I just don't get it hon. I take them only for the pain. can't even take them at night because they make me itch so bad. not even a small buzz. which I don't mind. never really understood that type addiction. booze either though.

Bebop, I never got the whole addiction thing either. It's hard for me sympothize with the ones I love when thy suffer from addiction. A lot of times it makes me mad that they won't just stop. It seems like they don't care about the people they are hurting, they only care about themselves and there next fix. I try to sympothize, but sometimes it's REALY hard.

Rainbowzz, your story sounds so similar to my husbands. He too is on Neuotine, but won't stop taking the pain meds. He just don't see that he has a problem. ("He needs them cause doc said he needs them".)

I know how you feal, good luck.

vetswife...that is the reason I left my late husband. I thought he put his booze way ahead of me and I could not sit back and watch him kill himself like that. I do not understand it at all.