Aren't I a bright one

I know I can't drink. I know its stupid to drink. It hurts to drink.

But nooooo... what do I do.....drink. My bf bought a bottle of vodka. Used to be my favorite drink. I had one---only one. Now my stomach hates me more than ever. But I don't want to stop, but I have to stop. Drinking at this time is no better than shooting myself in the head. As gross as that sounds.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!! Why???????? I hate alcohol. I lived with it all through my childhood. I endured what it does to a family. I had a problem with it myself. I know my body can't take this right now. No food. Not much to drink. But noooo, this pathetic excuse for a human pours a drink knowing full well the consequences..... but drinks it anyway. AAAAAARRRRRHHHH----DAMN IT ALL!!!! Where it this anger coming from?? This is not me, not who I am. I hate her sooo much. I hate me soooo much.

Justy

Here we go... I told u all I would be honest so here goes...

My thoughts are taht if I keep drinking... taking pills like the ones I should not... dont eat... dont drink the good stuff... well then I wont go through the 31st which I just cant handle. The thoughts of my baby are killing me inside. I cant make sense of things anymore. I think I am going through a pyscosis. (dont mind my tying tonight--too many drinks). I am getting what I deserve; I did this now I jpay for it. So is this really a plan of suicide?

Maybe things will look differnt when I wake up. I need to go sleep now. Between my tummy and head I think sleep is a good ting. sry for this drunk night. Have not gone this fare in a long itme. Please excuse my totally screw up. I am sure I will ahte myself even more looking in the mirror. thik I will smash the damn thing oncve adn for all.

Sorry to those in chast tonight. dont worrya bout my babbling. I am too honest when I drink... I should sew my mouth shut when I drink. I get myself into enough trouble sober let alone liek this. I did not ever want u all to see me this way. I am mad at myself for this one. Pleas except my apologies.

Justy

Justy, please dont be embarrassed by what you said in chat. I'm truly sorry you feel this way. I guess it is better you tell us direct than try to hide it, because sometimes people would pick up in the fact that you are not acting yourself.

I'm sorry

((((((((((Justy))))))))))

Oh boy!! Can anyone even decode this mess; lolol.

Thanks ((((((((Silver))))))))).

Not sure what I all said last night but I am really sorry for going in there when I was drunk. I was okay then it just hit me so fast. Sad part is I only had 3 drinks. Did not take long after for me to pass out. Good thing is I slept well. Headache still here but could be from the vodka. I can't imagine I sounded like Justy last night and if I did say anything offensive or upsetting, please accept my apologies.

This plan running through my brain is just bonkers. What am I thinking?? But I can't help but think and feel this way. Not sure what my next step is...... who to talk to about this. Suicide is not the way to go. But seems so right at times.

Anyway, I am okay today. Feel a little "blue" but to be expected. No more alcohol for me thats for sure. Thanks for talking to me last night in chat. Kind of a strange night hey. Can remember most of it up until the last while; lolol.

Justy

lol, don't worry about it. It is ok, you said nothing offensive or upsetting. For the longest time I never even realized you were drunk lol.

I am glad you are feeling a little better today Justy, anyway. You know you can always feel free to tag me if you feel like talking, and I will try to help.

~ Silver.

HEHE. Well I guess I am allowed to mess up once and a while; lolol. At least I did not feel like complete doo doo this morning. Just slept a lot, which is good.

Glad to know I did not say anything nasty; lolol. Most of the time I just get all goofy when I drink. Just know I won't be doing that for a long time to come.

Thanks Silver. So u didn't see the fact that I could not type. I know I can't spell worth a bean but my typing is usually really good; lolol. Silly keyboard was all over the darn place; lolol.

Justy

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So u didn't see the fact that I could not type. I know I can't spell worth a bean but my typing is usually really good; lolol. Silly keyboard was all over the darn place; lolol.

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lol.
Well yeah I noticed your typing was bad but I thought you were upset, not drunk. Sometimes it is so annoying: I miss the obvious. Anyway... I'm glad you are feeling better today, and I hope it lasts!

Ha ha ha. What's annoying? My typing or my spelling; lolololol.

Too funny. I am not sure how I feel. The old up and downers. Crossing my fingers to be able to get into see my new t before he goes on holidays. Really need to get some stuff out in the open and see how to cope over the holidays.

Thanks Silver. (just kidding about the annoying part. The obvious is not always so obvious at times; lolol)

Justy