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#1
Nov 23, 2008, 01:22 PM
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TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Need a drink.......need one NOW.....bottle is here....it all so stupid........know should not.......know will regret.....but need it all to stop.....to drink self into coma like state........need it all to stop....even just for a day......one day ....please one day..... aaarrrrrgggghhhhhh........ just one DAY......please!!!!  
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#2
Nov 23, 2008, 04:38 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((( silentandscared )))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Is there anyone you can call or be with IRL to help you get through this right now? I pray so. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. KD
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 silentandscared
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#3
Nov 23, 2008, 05:06 PM
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 so sorry you having such a bad day, silentandscared. we're here for you  .you can start your day all over whenever you want to.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#4
Nov 23, 2008, 05:26 PM
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Havent drank it yet just sitting and staring wondering ,wishing,knowing that if l do l wont stop........its like its sitting there looking at me......keep moving and fetching back again.....the need is so bad just to make it go..... no one hear to say no except him and he well he wouldnt say no......say drink self into coma...... make it deaden, make it stop.......... feeling so weak , so tempted.......feel need so much....must not go back along this road need to refocus.....need to scream........... 
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#5
Nov 23, 2008, 05:55 PM
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((((((((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))))) Focus on that beautiful prayer your daughter said for you. Drinking that will only make you hurt worse. Please be kind to yourself. Call someone, please. Anyone, just call someone to help get you through this safely.
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____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#6
Nov 23, 2008, 06:56 PM
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k, can you pour out the booze? i know right now that it is like a magnet but if you can pour it out...will it be all gone in house? sorry don't know who "him" is but that's soo-o unkind if he'd say that!!
so proud of you for not drinking yet. you can do it! all it -the booze-will do is make you feel worse and you'll be harder on yourself. you deserve better than to do this to yourself. you were brave enough to post to us...so let us support what i really know you want to do...not drink it. i'm so sorry you are feeling so low...
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| silentandscared
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#7
Nov 23, 2008, 10:05 PM
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(((silentandscared))))
I know how hard it is when you want to drink and just get oblivion. But it won't make anything better. Odds are you'll only feel worse afterwards. You can make it through the urge, you're stronger than it. Don't know what time it is where you're at, but can you get out of the house, go for a walk, but don't take any money with you so you can't go to a bar. Sometimes when I was needing a drink real bad doing somehting physical helped. Or do you have a support line or friend you can call. Again, I don't know what time it is where you're at but try calling AA. Most area's have a number you can call, and there'll be someone to talk to about wanting to drink. I've done that a couple of times, especially in early sobriety. Just don't take that first drink. --splitimage
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 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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#8
Nov 24, 2008, 01:56 AM
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still not had that first drink .......bottle in the other room.......... tried to sleep it just wont work........ just want to rest.......too make it all stop.......een for a short while...............3am here
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#9
Nov 24, 2008, 08:42 AM
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Are you Ok silentandscared?
I'm sorry I missed this post. Please call your sponser if you have one,,,and go to a meeting where you can sit with folks who go through the very same war as you did last night... They will help.. With Care, Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#10
Nov 24, 2008, 03:08 PM
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sorry , sorry sorry, dont know how got through last night......but somehow did......spoke to a friend who listened and listened until the very early hours........urges still there although not as bad at the moment.......know it wont help.....know it will make it worse........but the desire for some peace within my head just becomes so overwhelming......did not drink but its still here in the house.......have l poured away no not yet.........maybe should find an AA meeting its been so long maybe just need it again right now......l dont know......am l strong enough to do this on my own............im sorry l just dont know 
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#11
Nov 24, 2008, 03:24 PM
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Quote:
I remember one night during my last few months of drinking..I shook so bad,,was so frightened of every thought..of not being able to find the drink,,and to drink it... I took a necktie and made a loop in it,,so that I could loop the tie around my neck and put my hand in the loop. I could take the bottle in my hand and put it in the loop and pull the bottle to my lips with my other hand...no spill... I was insane...and no amount of willpower in the world could change that.. You don't have to do this alone...You can choose help... Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#12
Nov 24, 2008, 04:48 PM
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Hi Lenny thank you for that , it just seems such ahard decision to make and feel if l go to AA that l have somehow failed even without letting that drink pass my lips. The urges are there the tempations are there, the logic keeps evading me at times so maybe l do need to choose to not do this alone........l think l will search the info that l need and go from there.......oh l just dont know just wanted it all too stop for a while...stupid l know replace one problem with another thank you for your kind words Mandyxx
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#13
Nov 24, 2008, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
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#14
Nov 25, 2008, 02:36 AM
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A meeting would be a good thing. Take care.
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 notz |
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