[splitimage]

I'm really struggling a lot at the moment guys. It's been hyper busy at work which is good because it means I'm not bored, but it also means that at the end of the day I'm on an addrenaline rush, and I know that the fastest thing to bring me down from the rush is a drink. I also know that I don't want to go back there. Life is so much better since I stopped. But I've got this insidious little voice in my head saying maybe I can have just one, and that maybe harm reduction isn't such a bad idea to try. No offense to anyone who believes in it, I just know it doesn't work for me. Probably doesn't help that I'm volunteering in a facility where harm reduction is the official policy so I wind up talking to active users who are just trying to cut back. I've also been letting my program slip for a few weeks - no excuse just busy.

So far I've resisted, but it's been hard. I'm trying to get back on track by going to my women's AA meeting this am, and I have my step study to look forward to tomorrow night.

Just had to share that I'm having a really hard time right now.

--splitimage

[madisgram]

split image . it sounds like you are already on the way towards nipping this "little" (!) voice in the bud. being proactive with our sobriety is most important. i had a highly demanding, stressful job and at one point in fairly new sobriety-about 5 years sober- i found myself cutting back on meetings. my sponsor had told me that my sobriety must always come first in my life...even over family, job, etc. at that point i truly understood what she meant...i needed to keep my sobriety first reagardless of any life stuff. if i didn't attend meetings regularly, help the fellow sufferer, etc. i would lose my sobriety and thus the life i had gained. so i'm glad you "talked" your way "back to basics" and are going to meetings. i'm glad you trusted us enough to share this snafu with us. admitting we are slipping to "stinking thinking" and being honest about what's going on will help keep you sober.
one other thing i'd like to share...when i reached out to the newcomer and helped others it always reinforced my desire to stay sober.
i wish you well, fellow traveler, and will keep you in prayers. sounds like you are using what you have already learned. to you. pm if you want to chat.

[nowheretorun]

hi split. its hard to be struggling like you are now.. i know you are very committed to your sobriety and the hard work you've put into it is really paying off for you.. i think that by remembering the reasons you decided to do this for yourself is very important now.. you can make it through the hard times i know, cause you have made it through so many already.. it reminds me of when i quit smoking... i had it licked, no worries, but, one day... well... someday i will quit, coffee too haha... but just stay on track as best you can, k? cheering for you

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((splitimage)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry I've not been to this forum in a while. I'm sorry you're struggling with so much right now! It's not fair.

I'm hoping you remember this:

sobriety date: November 19, 2007 & I'm determined to keep this one.

I was always amazed at this in your signature, because that means you're a role model of mine - a strong-willed and kind woman who's always there to help others.

Okay. Harm reduction doesn't work for everyone (me neither). But you can do this. One day at a time. I was once told, that the voices get louder sometimes when we're actually doing "well"... just that our minds and bodies are trying to resist the fact that we're stronger than our addictions. It's all lies that we "need" alcohol or whatever... but sometimes the urge is strong.

But you'll get through this. I know this.

Check in and tell us how you're doing okay?

((((((((((((((((((splitimage))))))))))))))))))

What I've learned in AA is that I HAVE to always go back to the first step: "I am powerless over alcohol". If I REALLY BELIEVE this, then I can quiet that voice in my head that says "maybe just one...". Getting caught in that place of "should I? shouldn't I?" is a really dangerous place for me.

I'm sorry you are struggling right now. And I just read your post about the AA friend who died. Remember her 30 years of sobriety, her close relationship with a higher power, her peace. When I meet people like that, I think "I can't get there if I take a drink right now". She would want you to have that same peace that she had. You deserve that. Give yourself that gift.

Thinking of you...

[notz]

one is too many and a thousand is never enough!

Hang in there.

notz

[Lenny]

Hi Split...sorry about the little guy on your shoulder...he has a friend...mine has been whispering to me for nearly twenty years...something about it was all a bad dream.....yea right...

I have the deadly disease of alcoholism. It wants to kill me. I take my medicine 4 to 5 times a week,,with some home visits. Thank God that this medicine is avalable or I would be dead.

Drinking is not an option.

I wish you well split...please don;t listen to the little guy...he is a devil...

Witn Care,

Lenny