A power greater than myself...

I didn't want to submit to a crutch, some soft headed phyo-babble about a power greater than myself. God if you will.

It is my life, nobody was going to tell me how to live it. I can remember sitting in my living room drunk as a skunk, waving wildly at the front door and slurring the words "This is my house, this is my bottle and it's gonna be my way, if you don't like any one of them, don't let the door hit you in the ***** on the way out".

But as it turns out, I was blessed. Towards the end of my drinking career I was blessed with no more good ideas. Every one of my "good ideas" had blown up in my face. I was out of gas. At that point, I was beaten into a position of reasonableness.

With the help of men wiser than myself, I discovered I am surrounded by powers greater than myself all the time. Every time I looked in my rear view mirror, and saw those blue lights flashing, I knew that a power greater than myself was going to be tapping on my driver's side window soon enough.

The bottle was a power greater than myself, If I could quit on my own, I would have done so, and there would be no need to make my first meeting. I was staring a power greater than myself right in the face.

I accepted the fact that there are powers greater than myself out there. The question that faced me is can I find one that can relieve me of the obsession to drink.

"You may be suffering from a disease that only a spiritual experience will conquer." A good friend once said to me. He also said "If the word God runs you off, I ain't worried, liquor will run you back". Just for the record, by the time most people who try to control their alcohol intake, real control has slipped away some time ago.

Then he said, "If you think you can beat this game on your own, without a power greater than yourself, I wish you luck. But if you find that that just ain't happening, may I offer you a quote I'm rather fond of...

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

How do I thank someone for saving my life? I extend the same hand of friendship and hope that was so freely extended to me.

Your friend on this long strange trip
Richard S.

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that principle is contempt prior to investigation

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Oh...excellent. I really like that. Thank you for posting it!

emmy

Shadow, you have taken in so much wisdom on your journey to sobriety and I can only pray to gain this much wisdom a year from now, but I try taking it one day at a time. I don't know how long you've been sober or how often you attend meetings, but do you sponser anyone? Just from these few posts I've read from you seem like you'd make such an amazing sponser to someone new to the recovery life.

Bama…
Thank you for your kind words, But I have to say that I didn’t think any of this stuff up. OK, my drinking story is my drinking story, but that’s it. All the stuff about not drinking, a power greater than myself, and acceptance came from my sponsor and all the people I met early in my sobriety. Men who came in before me showed me how to live this life one day at a time.

I haven’t found it necessary to pick up a drink in a little over six years, and if I go the rest of today without changing my mind on that score, I will tell God “thank you”. I don’t kid myself for a second about how my sobriety happened. If I could have stopped, I would have stopped. But the fact is that I could of sprouted wings and flew before I could stop drinking. A power greater than myself has relieved me of the first drink. But up till now that’s been enough.

I take a Sunday speakers meeting every week with my sponsor. A speaker meeting is good for me because I don’t have to constantly think about what I’m going to say. Should I be funny, should my share be poignant, or tragic? How can I top what the last guy just said? I spent so much time thinking about myself, and how I can impress other people, that I didn’t listening to what the other guy was saying. As my sponsor once pointed out about himself, I ain’t much, but I’m damn near the only thing I ever think about. I had to say that about myself as well. I tell new guys to take in a lot of speaker meetings for just that reason. Just for one hour, get out of yourself.

I also take a meeting into a detox once a week, those guys are my best sponsors. If I ever get the crazy idea that I pulled the plug on myself too soon, one hour in there clears that up.

I also chair a meeting with my home group once a week. My home group runs a noon meeting 5 days a week. So at this point in my sobriety I do at least three meetings a week.

Now to your last question, I wish I could say that I have worked with lots of guys that are now happy joyous and free. One of my guys died of an overdose in his bed, one died in an automobile crash (alcohol related) and one guy that I gave a two year medallion to is sitting in jail as we speak. And most of the rest, somewhere around step four just went into what I call the “witness protection program”. They just disappear, I don’t know where they are, I don’t know how they are doing. I almost never say no when some guy asks me to help them through the steps, but Bama, don’t kid yourself about this disease. Alcoholism will do everything in it’s power to talk you back out, and the really scary part is it wins a lot more often than this or any other program I know anything about does.

Stay close to your sponsor, take the suggestions she offers, and stay grateful.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

I was once told by my sponser that us drug addicts are the most self centered people created, and I agree. In active addiction, all we ever did was try lieing, stealing, and deceiving to get what we wanted when we wanted it. It was our way or no way... I think regardless of how long we've been sober/clean, we'll always have a little bit of that self centeredness.

I take my recovery very seriously, every once in awhile I'll crack a joke here and there but I know the joking and kidding around doesn't take place of the real issues. What keeps me clean each day is keeping the things that happened while I was using and drinking fresh on my mind... If I start to forget the feelings and experiances, I don't know how I'd be able to stay clean.

Maybe I'm being paranoid....but are you referring to me when you say this </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"I take my recovery very seriously, every once in awhile I'll crack a joke here and there but I know the joking and kidding around doesn't take place of the real issues."

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emmy

Emmy, I find myself feeling the same way by reading many posts by others. Feels strange, but also feels nice... Knowing others feel the same as you, huh?