[thephysacist]

Honestly, I don't want to stop doing drugs. Period.

I have no money, so that helps keep me away from them.

But once I have enough money I'll go do something.

I need to stop, but I don't want to.

It's confusing me and I'm worried about it.

Anyone have any advice?

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by rudicollis

Honestly, I don't want to stop doing drugs. Period.

Well,,there is good in honesty rudicollis and let me honestly welcome you to PC....

What you describe is the essence of addiction. Knowing that you need(should) stop but lacking the desire/ability to.

Like cigarette smoking for instance. It is widely accepted that smoking tobaccco will kill you. Period,,it will sooner or later kill you. But millions upon millions of people continue to smoke even in the face of its ultimate destruction of the user....

That is addiction coupled with its continuous companion...denial...you see,, us addicts never believe it will be us that succombs to the devastation of our drug(s) of choice. "It won't happen to me...."

But it will...whether it kills you today, tomorrow or next year or simply devastates you,,deminishes you to be and do things that your character abhores, destroys your relationships and turns you away from any valued person or persons who Love you or constricts your world into a fearfull closet of ill fated illusions and shame filled nightmares....it will do what it does best...addictions destroy people.

But without the will to change,,there is no human power with words, poverty, prison cells or complete and utter isolation that will change the nature of addiction,,,the needing of something that wants to kill you...

So please don't be confused...but remain worried...for you are fighting a foe that does not like to lose...

With Care,

Lenny

[kittenkirk]

Originally Posted by Lenny

That is addiction coupled with its continuous companion...denial
(is not a river in Eqypt...you see,, us addicts never believe it will be us that succombs to the devastation of our drug(s) of choice. "It won't happen to me...."

But it will...whether it kills you today, tomorrow or next year or simply devastates you,,deminishes you to be and do things that your character abhores, destroys your relationships and turns you away from any valued person or persons who Love you or constricts your world into a fearfull closet of ill fated illusions and shame filled nightmares....it will do what it does best...addictions destroy people.

But without the will to change,,there is no human power with words, poverty, prison cells or complete and utter isolation that will change the nature of addiction,,,the needing of something that wants to kill you...

So please don't be confused...but remain worried...for you are fighting a foe that does not like to lose...

With Care,

Lenny

I added the denial slogan. and I also want to note that this disease KILLS...and robs and steals your soul.

My new sobriety date is: February 27, 2009.....I say that cause I got sober in March 11, 2000....and I felt I was cured....and it wasn't any better than it was 9 years ago.

People can't stop and they will get you drunk before you get them sober....so stick with the winners. I know from experience....one drunk can help another if the other drunk really wants to stop drinking. If you really want to stop drinking find someone who did and do what they do.

[madisgram]

hi rudicollis, welcome to pc and to the addictions forum. you've come to the right place to find suggestions or answers to your question. i believe your soul and mind already knows the best advice you could give yourself.
but here's part of my spin on it based on my experiences: addiction to drugs/alcohol is a disease of the body, mind, and soul. it's goal is to destroy you while it's "promising" you the world. examples from my own experiences with alcohol, the granddaddy of all drugs: i listened to alcohol for some time...it "promised" to take away all my worries, cares, and woes. what abusing it gave me was worse than worries, cares and woes..it stripped me bare to bone of who i was, it took all my money and then some more, it took away family and friends that loved me...cause i put booze above them in importance. there was nothing more important to me than my booze. instead of feelings it gave me a dark, bleak, hopeless void in my soul. i felt helpless to get back my life. alcohol had taken over. i saw no future. i felt no real joy, just oblivion until i "came to"and saw the wreckage abusing alcohol had done with my help. i only wanted to escape to the bliss alcohol "promised" me. alcohol/drugs will "promise" us much but give us nothing of any real value in our lives. what it will give us is jails, institutions or death. that is it's real "promise".
the fact that your gut is telling you to take notice is a very good thing. i had that same feeling/thought but said bad things won't happen to me...maybe the other guy, but not me, like lenny said. well i ended up being the other guy. i didn't pay the ultimate price of abusing alcohol with my life, but i came very close to it. that for me was a serious wake up call. i've had friends that just didn't "wake up" after using...ever. i sat by a 24 year old cool guy in a 12 step recovery program i went to. two days later i read his obit in the newspaper...he had overdosed on drugs. i'm quite sure he thought he wasn't the other guy too, but he was. i've seen a lot of people that mistakenly thought bad things wouldn't happen to them because they liked their drug of choice or alcohol. like you said, "but you don't want to" stop.
it's a good thing for you to think about and i'm glad you posed your question here. i don't know if anything i've said will make a difference or not, but i'm "paying it forward."
hope you'll keep posting and let us know how you are doing. many of us here were once in your shoes. "today", i no longer have to be caught in my addiction because i chose not to. it may take a while to get some time together and start a new way of living, just me, but it sure has been worth it. today my life is something i chose to show up for. in my addiction i wasn't showing up for anything...except for my funeral.

[splitimage]

I didn't want to stop using and sometimes I still want to drink. I knew I had a problem with alcohol for years but I was functioning, I still had a job, was paying my bills. I kept telling myself I was drinking because work was stressful and that I'd quit next weekend. But in reality I hated my life. I hated me, I just wanted the oblivion that drinking gave me. Drinking also gave me two withdrawl seizures - I put my head through a wall during one - don't recommend that. Drinking put me in the hospital with the DT's so bad I couldn't even hold the pills they were giving me to try to get through the detox. Drinking cost me my really good job, and my driver's licence. I now joke with friends that I could give tours of my city called "great places I've thrown up." It took me finally realizing that I could die, and came pretty close to it, that drinking wasn't worth it.

Getting sober wasn't easy. Addiction is nasty it causes you to remember only the good parts so I have to constantly remember the bad parts. I have to remember how much better my life is now that I'm not drinking.

But some days I still want to drink.

Thanks to getting sobriety - I got another decent job. I got my licence back. I have friends. The time I used to spend getting drunk alone by myself, is now spent on doing fun things and hobbies. I'm not pouring money down the drain, I have self respect.

But some days I still want to drink. That's my disease. I know it's more powerful than I am. Every morning I make a choice. That I'm not going to drink. I relapsed recently and I regretted it. Fortunately I was able to stop before it got too out of control. But that scared me, because it didn't take me long to see how close I was to losing everything again. So now I'm back making my daily choice not to drink, and reminding myself every day of why I'm better off not drinking.

Addiction is scary. It kills people. Beating it is hard work. It helps to have support in stopping. But being clean and sober is worth it.

--splitimage

[Sad In TX]

I was an addict for years, and only recently got sober. There are so many times I want to find some drugs again, but then I remember how much trouble I got myself into for using them. I lost a job, I caused a further rift in my failing marriage, all for the sake of something I thought for a while was fun.

It is hard, and there are times when I want to use again. But then I thank God that I get up in the morning. I had some friends who died because they didn't want to stop either. At least three people I know well OD-ed.

The decision to stop is a tough one, along with the opening of the mind to realize that there IS a problem to begin with. But it is up to you as to when you want to stop. If you realize that it is a problem which you are kind of admitting by posting this, then you need to think about the reasons why you use drugs. It sucks to look so deep within sometimes, but once you do and you're sober for a while you will wonder why you sedated yourself in some form for so long.

When you feel like your life is out of control, you need to stop. If you feel dark and distant without it, you need to stop. But you have to have the courage to say no more, and that can be one of the toughest decisions to make.
It's up to you, but you can do it. And there are many options available that will help.
Good luck.

[thunderbear]

Hey! Honestly no one wants to quit drugs. It's just the day you wake up and litterally look in the mirror and you look like shite. Yeah you might have lost a few pounds and feel great, sexy etc. But when you see yourself your pale drawn face with the acne and realize oh crap my teeth are rotting outta my head and I am 21 but I look like I'm a 40 y/o with a crack addiction because the drugs caused your hair thin and your eyes to droop. The man of your dreams is gonna leave you because he hates drugs, your parents don't trust you and your friends constantly tell you that you look like hell and you lose your kid. Ya kinda get scared. BTW, that was 8 years ago and I don't look like that now but man did I look like crap back then. Just remember that even if you look healthy on the outside when you put bad stuff in your body the inside is what matters hun. Ain't no tellin what it does to your body that you can't see. I married my b/f got my kid back and things got a little better but you gotta work on the rest.