[NuckingFutz]

Anyone actually have experience with someone that has Antisocial Personality Disorder? I have had an experience last summer and it's still so painful I can't even write it down in my journal let alone here, but I feel like if I don't get it down, I will loose some of the depth of my experiences. Need some guidance.

How will retaining the depth of such a painful experience benefit you?

[NuckingFutz]

Those who forget the past are condemed to repeat it.

[Perna]

It sounds like you're blaming yourself for something?

I don't think there's any way to know about a person until you get to know and talk to them but I think if you learn to know and trust yourself, a hurtful person is less likely to be put in a position by you to be able to actually hurt you.

[NuckingFutz]

Okay, I guess I can start my story here. I feel like if I Write it down, and I experience something similar later on, I can go back and read it to remember the evil and how to overcome it. It is also a testimony that these things did happen for there are many who would deny the truth. Like when you read in the survivors of abuse forum how the survivor confronted their abuser who denies the abuse...this happens a lot and is not a coincidence. It is a malidaptive coping mechanisim to cover guilt. This is on a much grander scale. I have done family of origin work to learn about why my family acts the way they do. My attitude is the buck stops here...do not pass on the negativity to the next generation. It was harder than I thought it would be. I am what you call a "second generation" Holocaust survivor. I was too young to be there of course, but several of my grand aunts and uncles were there. Most partisans but unfortunately 2 family members were deported from Poland to subcamps of Dachau. ~TO BE CONTINUED~

Will you have to relive the experience to make a record for possible later reference?

[NuckingFutz]

[QUOTE=Perna;1258495]It sounds like you're blaming yourself for something? NO, I DO NOT BLAME MYSELF FOR THE HOLOCAUST AND HOW IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS MY LIFE TODAY.

I don't think there's any way to know about a person until you get to know and talk to them but I think if you learn to know and trust yourself, a hurtful person is less likely to be put in a position by you to be able to actually hurt you.[/QU I SEF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A PSYCHOPATH IN YOUR LIFE. FOLLOW MY THREAD FOR I HAUE MUCH TO TEACH AND MUCH TO LEARN.

[NuckingFutz]

COMPARED TO THE SUFFERINGS OF MY ANCESTORS, WHAT I EXPERIENCED WAS MINIMAL EVEN THOUGH I ALMOST DIED. [QUOTE=TheByzantine;1258629]Will you have to relive the experience to make a record for possible later reference?[/QU

[NuckingFutz]

I believe when I am done I will have contributed my family legacy, how pathology ran down the generations that still affect my family today. As the actual Holocaust survivors die off, they are relizing that not forgetting was not enough, they gad to speak out and let their testimonies be recorded because it has happened again; COL Pol Pot's killing fields, Somalia, Kosevo and the worst thing of all..the Holocaust denial campaign or "Holohoax". Can you imagine going through something as horrific as genocide and within your lifetime hearing and seeing people say "that never happened"? Remember when I wrote about the abuse survivors who confronted their abusers who denied the abuse. Although one is small scale and the other 6 million times larger are you seeing a corellation? I just want to tell my family's testimony. Is that such an emotionally unhealthy thing. Once edited and complete, it will go to Yad vashem in Israel, The Simon Weisenthal Center and The Holocaust Center in Washington D.C.

[NuckingFutz]

Man, i was manic when i wrote these words. I reread this thread and i got to learn what my mania looks like. Can anyone else say the same?

[michele#3]

Futz, in response to your post in which you asked if anyone has had experiences with some who has antisocial personality disorder. I have. I'm pretty sure my younger brother had this. All I can say is life with him was h----! I never knew when he was going to fly into a rage and I always felt that he hated me just because I was female but then looking back on his life I think he hated all women but our mother (in secret I think he hated her too). I sure I could say a lot more but I really don't want to go on and on and am not sure what else to say. Futz, if you have any questions please feel free to PM me.

[NuckingFutz]

Thanks for the feedback. An old post when I was getting to know someone who showed many symtoms or traits. I left this relationship when I discovered this and I actually started caring about this person. I know I could see the mask of sanity I knew covered a very dark souled person. Probably walking around with a piece of them in my heart and and some pitty because I knew he was distructive, dangerous and hateful towards everyone and will not know true love, empathy, happiness, serenity. I will never see this person again. It was like dating a ghost of a person. I have worked through the painful stuff and a few good memories I keep. Some moments I will never get to experience again with anyone else, but you know, I got to experience them. Hope this makes sense but it turned out for the best.

[seeker1950]

... he was distructive, dangerous and hateful towards everyone and will not know true love, empathy, happiness, serenity. I will never see this person again. It was like dating a ghost of a person.

Wow, Futz...does that ever sound familliar to me! But you have said it much better than I could. And, yes, it does take a long time to recover from such an experience, but, happily, through lots of work, and time, one does recover, and wiser for it, don't you think?!!! Kinda like the Velveteen Rabbit.
Love
Patty

[NuckingFutz]

I agree Patty. I did not think I would take anything away from this aside from a few chosen memories. But I learned that there are those out there that would hurt us...not because of who we are, but who THEY are. That is a major lesson to learn. So many people internalize someone else's bad behavior as a reflection of who we are instead of seeing the situation for what it really is.

[Typo]

(((((((NuckingFutz))))))))))

[Gabi925]

Nuck, I think that writing down what happened and what you felt and feel is the most important thing in a trauma (especially one caused by such kind of people who make you wonder why or how it was possible...) Because then you can let go by telling yourself, hey, I wrote about that! It's over! Like you are having another life without that past. I am still blocked and not able to write about what happened... in a coherent, comprehensible way. But I know that when I will be able I would simply look at the person who suffered like to a character from that "red" book. On the other hand if I still feel pain or stumble across answers to common question regarding things connected with what happened... I will send the person to read the book so that I don't have to identify myself with the person who suffered. And therefore I could get healed!

For me it's a big success that I am able to write here on the site... a little.

[NuckingFutz]

Well, I am over it and out the other side. Took care of my immediate needs. Made some decisions and have wondered about my wants. Still working on my needs because of all the choices. Some of my old choices were not really choices. I did not choose mental illness yet I have to make choices on how to deal with it everyday. Hope that makes sense. And things happen. I am currently living in a bad place apartment wise. Got help here about what to do and decided to keep to myself when at my apartment. I usually like to be outside in nature but someone will come up and talk to me. Normally this is ok but since I live in section 8, a lot of the people are super needy emotionally. Hated to cut them off but am still working the self care angle. So I fixed the inside up as much as possible. Noticed the air conditioner was out. It was repaired and the guy told me he had to rewire it because someone cut one of the wires. It works great! Wires and drywall everywhere!? I give up!

[AlmendraLife]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Anyone actually have experience with someone that has Antisocial Personality Disorder?

Well I have.

[NuckingFutz]

I am so sorry you had to go through this too. Mine rated pretty high up there on the ratings scale. A 23 I believe. Are you still having to deal with them?

[AlmendraLife]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

I am so sorry you had to go through this too. Mine rated pretty high up there on the ratings scale. A 23 I believe. Are you still having to deal with them?

Well, I have been able to avoid him. So, lately I haven't been stuck having to deal with his mean behavior whilst around him. If I just try to negotiate with him though about him leaving me alone him threatening, and lying about what he did and insulting remarks comes into action. So other than that I haven't been having to be around him all that much. When you say deal with it depends on what you are referring to because I still do have to deal with the aftermath of his actions.

[objtrbit]

I think it's a really good thing to put past experiences in writting, and to talk about it. It takes a lot of energy to bottle crud in, and it looks like you are carring years of weight. Some think you actually have to go back and "relive", through talking about, the experiences that happned, and talk about it over and over. Thought is, you will use less of your energy/being/thoughts, ect, on just trying to keep the pain down, because you would have let it out. I'm glad you're putting your testimony out there, I know that can create a lot of stress too, while you're working through it.

Take care

[NuckingFutz]

Yeah, does take a lot. Is still with me though.

[phoenix7]

im late to this and was wondering if you ever wrote it all down ? and if it made you feel better?

my T had me write a ltter to the person i know who fits probably sociopath or antis social personailty disorder... narcissist maybe lol its stil allswimming aroud in my head - i wont go into what happened.. there was a point - oh yes writing the letter but never posting it actually helped - i didnt think it would and i told my T so in no uncertain terms - poor guy lol

but it helped - so im interested in knowing how you went..... if you want to share.