Successful Relationship?

How do you guys feel about someone with ASPD being in a relationship? I'm obviously in it for selfish intentions, but I'm curious on what your take is. I am never mean to her and I try to give her what she wants and just make her happy to keep her around (I find this is the best way to get what you want). I'm really just interested in her for stability and grounding to try to keep myself out of jail. We've been dating for four months and things are going great, but my track record with long relationships isn't too good. I always get bored around a year.

Keep an open mind ... Maybe you found a keeper? At least you are respectful and you don't have to bring your past into your current relationship ... I feel that I am the same way in terms of ASPD, I would make it a point to communicate more & keep respecting her.

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Thanks, she doesn't know about my condition yet I don't know when i'll tell her if at all honestly.

If you want a successful relationship, you have to work for it. You have to treat her with as much respect as you would give yourself at all times. She must be your equal in all decisions. You must communicate. You must take care of her, as she will take care of you. It's best to assume when you are married that she really is your other half. Treat her that way. Never abuse her. She will need physical attention as well as other attention. Make her your best friend. Trust her, and be trustworthy. It's hard. Really hard, but good. Pick your fights. Accept some annoyances. Don't let something ruin what you two have, even if at the time it seems you can not stand her anymore. Learn to forgive. Either don't have children or be prepared to be a very good father. That is something extremely difficult to do. She must feel as if you love her. And so must your future children. I think people with ASPD deserve to be loved. I think those with it who are responsible and willing to make that sacrifice for another for the rest of their lives should not be told they can't be with someone. I do not feel that anything excuses abusing another, particularly someone who has sacrificed themselves for you. And that includes emotional and verbal abuse. I do not think a person with aspd, who was responsible, that knew they would be a danger to a person close to them, would allow a relationship. Despite that almost impossible to control compulsion to manipulate. You can make a relationship successful for as long as you want to. However, although you may not understand why it's important, and probably don't care, you do have to consider the other person and the consequences of being with them "successfully" with the intention of dropping it later.

Thanks ocdwife, I agree with a lot of what you say and feel like I can do those things to keep her around.

I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. A major role in the success has been my own brutal honesty & his ability to take it. I told him from the beginning about my disorder, because I was looking for someone I could "lower the mask" around.
Of course there are self-serving benefits. Financial support, admiration, sex, etc. And those are paramount in making sure I keep up my end of the bargain, when it comes to supporting him emotionally to the most I can offer... But he knows that I do not offer him everything he needs & he accepts that. And, honestly, it's healthy in all relationships [PD or not] to not be sickeningly dependent on your partner anyway.
But I have seriously transgressed when I've gotten bored & wanted a rush. He was willing to work through it because I was honest with him about it. It's not like lying would have accomplished anything of great value. And I'm willing to work through it because I still appreciate his value to me.
For the time being? I'd just take things one day at a time. If she proves herself to be someone you are compatible with & someone trustworthy, you can let her in & see how that works. If not -- move the **** on to greener pastures.

Thanks, this post is great to read. I also believe that for the most part, my girlfriend and I have kept going so long because I feel comfortable being myself around her (for the most part, I haven't told her about my condition but she's commented about the way I act sometimes). It sounds to me like you have a similar problem as me with getting bored in the relationship. Have you gotten better with your impulses?

Even though it feels like soul-numbing torture at times? Yeah, for the most part. I still get the boredom & am having trouble finding any outlets nearly as satisfying!! But... I like to think the fact that I'm trying at all is going above & beyond the call of duty.

I don't know where things will end up... I'm mainly focused on cultivating self-control for my own personal benefit! That's more successful than trying to change yourself for someone else. Especially when "someone else" usually = expendable.

Yeah I'm also working on self control for my own gain.