[feary]

I hate being alone and having no life and being too frozen in fear to do anything

I have sooo many issues and problems

my head is going to explode

I have no support, I am all alone

I do not have a single person to talk to or hang out with

I hate being with myself 24 hours a day with no life

it is terrifying and torturous

no one no one can live this way

I wish I could find some hope even a bit of it somehow

no one should ever be all alone and divorced with kids

it's horrible

my whole identity and the life I built is gone and everyone that was in it has disappeared

I don't feel close to anyone even my kids

I am so terrified of dying soon and leaving them and no one understands

i'm going to die all alone in tremendous fear

my mind is stuck

I should go out and do something but why should I just hang out with myself I can't handle it

All I do is remember my past and the life I had before this monster took over and how I can never have it again

my ex is pure evil and he is not suffering at all for all his sins but I am for being his punching bag and slave

((((( feary )))))

I hope you can find some friendship and peace.

[smackcookies]

I'm sorry

[feary]

Tonight

I went to eat at a restaurant by myself
I had a glass of wine by myself
I went to a movie by myself

I hate it

[Winter Moon]

But you're not alone. Not really.

I know that knowing people, and even having friends, on the internet isn't quite like having friends in real life, but sometimes just knowing that somebody is there is enough.

I have a really great friend that I met on some website, and when I see that he's online from my yahoo inbox, I usually poke at him. Usually we don't have anything to say beyond "hey, how are you? that's good", but if I'm feeling lonely or anxious, sometimes I nudge at him once in a while, just to reassure myself that he's still there. Just a "-poke-", and he'll come back with "Still here". I know that he's states away, and that if something attached me he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. But knowing that he's at least there makes me feel better.

I'm sure that everyone on this site would be happy to lend an ear, or talk to you for a while. It doesn't fix the problem, but at least you might feel a little better for a few hours.

You can always feel free to poke at me if you need some company, or someone to talk to. I hope you start to feel better soon.

[Ygrec23]

Hey, Feary,

You're not quite alone, not quite. Yes, it's true, you don't have someone to eat with or watch movies with, but as the last poster noted, you have all of us here on PC listening to you, feeling for you, wanting to communicate with you, and knowing how you feel.

Do you know how to find someone? You found your ex once upon a time but maybe he found you. Do you go to church and participate in church activities? Is there some other social center you can work with? Volunteering is a great way to find very nice people indeed. I realize that with two kids your time is limited, but you have to do something to get out of your unhappy position.

Sometimes I eat with people, sometimes I eat alone. Sometimes I go to the movies with people, sometimes I go myself. It's all part of life; it's all normal. Just because you're by yourself now and then doesn't mean you're a bad person or someone no one will love. But you do have to put yourself in situations where other singles hang out. The local theater group is another good place. Again, I know you have kids, and I know that limits your time away from home, but you have to start somewhere.

I wish you all the best, no kidding, and will be happy to respond to any post or PM you want to send to PC.

You take care now, things will get better if you let them.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ~ Aristotle

OR....a Goddess....

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((feary))))

I think we have all been really supportive of you; we've all been here, answering your posts, picking you up, being as friendly as friends who are right there next to you.

We care, we really do or we wouldn't be here to support you. Sometimes we have to pull ourselves out of the deepest and darkest of chasms.

I think all of us have been there I know I have; I've had my PC family help me out of anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depressions so deep I could hardly open my eyes to look at a blue sky because it made me sad. Depression isn't rational nor is anxiety and panic, or any of the mental illnesses we face every day; every one of us on PC faces these same monsters as you.

From the time I left my ex husband I have not seen or spoken to any of my children and only one of my grandchildren. Not one of his friends have spoken to me since either. He had such a high public profile that everyone thought he was a god. They had no idea of what our life together was like, but they chose to support him not me.

I've had to walk away from everything. Yes I was a mess yes I had a breakdown but I did it. My heart is always heavy because of my kids and my grandkids; they were all grown up with marriages and kids of their own but it still hurt. I recently had to walk away from my chronically dysfunctional family of drug addicts, alcoholics and abusers.

It takes time to heal and to begin looking if you are brave enough, for someone else. It takes time to regain strength and face a new world. It takes time for the pain to stop and to see the wounds disappear just under the surface. But we do it.

Why do we do it? Because we are strong, we are resillient and we are even in the smallest amounts proud. After we have been laid bare we still have enough pride to eventually pull ourselves together and start again. Sure things will be different, and not the same as they were, but we have an opportunity to make them better. And if you want things to be better feary then you have to make it happen.

Stop blaming, stop self pity, stop all the negatives and see at first one positive in your life and focus on that; see then a second positive and focus on that one too. And so on...Once you allow yourself to look around you you will see that there IS something good there. Yes at the moment you feel alone, but look around you, look at your computer screen...we are all here and we haven't walked away from you...and we won't.

It's time feary to get out of the mire and clear yourself off and choose a direction to go in. Get yourself strong and get organised...We're here to support you in doing this,

Rhiannon

[muncie]

feary, keep on trying don't give up. It's not only important to heal for the present, it's for your future too. Take it from an elder, there are many issues you will have to face as life goes on. You must practice being strong now to build up reserves for the future. You must fight to be well. I think it's very good that you went out for dinner even if you dined alone, a first step; at least you were out among people. You've heard me say before, I'm a believer in changing your focus. I think volunteering would be an excellent idea for you. Because you choose your days, it wouldn't interfer with your childrens' schedule. Hospitals are always looking for volunteers, and there's many people to meet and start conversations with. Good luck dear, you have so many friends here wishing you well, including myself.

[feary]

thank you so much everyone. i do not know what I would do without PC.

I have been having one long panic attack for the past three days and it is still with me right now.

I have a pain in my chest and it feels like I am going to have a heart attack because I feel intense fear in my chest and my entire body is electrically charged

[feary]

thank you everyone for everything. I don't know what I would do without PC.

I have had a huge long panic attack for the past three days and still do

my entire body is electrically charged

[feary]

i have no hope