[jmo531]

Ok. If you have been following my posts then you will know that things have been a little shakey for me lately but I am doing my best to hold it together.

Well, last night or I should say early this morning around 3 am or so, not exactly sure, I woke up and immediately my mind is racing. I kept thinking, I am going crazy, I am going to die and then my arms, legs, lips started getting tingly. It started getting hard for me to breathe. My first instinct was to jump up outta bed and run downstairs to the living room.....but I didnt. I just layed there. Not exactly sure why I layed there, I just did. Maybe on some level I was testing myself to see if I could "tough it out". Well, I toughed it out as you would say and slowley I began to feel more normal.

I ended up sleeping until about 10 am because I was exhausted. My phone kept ringing off the hook but I wouldnt answer it. Finally after then 10th time I answered the phone and it was my sister.

She asked me why I wasnt answering the phone. I explained what happended and she got all snippy with me. She said that there is no reason why I should be having attacks. She said that I have all that a person could want and that the anxiety is all in my head. I know that isnt true but never the less, being given the third degree when I am already on a fragile state really made me more on edge. I figure that my sister would attempt to understand seeing as though she has had panic attacks in the past.

I am just feeling really unsupported by her. I guess I shouldnt really care. I guess I should be used to her crap by now. I remember she was visiting my mother at the time I was packing to move to TX. My step father said that he and my mother would be by the weekend before we leave to help us pack. Well my sister never came to help. I didnt even want her to help. I just thought she would have come by to say goodbye. She didnt. She didnt even call and she was at my mothers. My sister lives in PA and I never really saw her as it was so I thought, since I was moving to TX she would want to say goodbye. But no, she didnt. And then today. I dont even want to go into everything she said but she really made me feel like a loser. My sister and I endured alot of the same crap growing up so I figure she would understand. I guess not. I dont know. I am rambling and probably not making any sense now. I didnt eat anything all day and I am feeling very weak.

Thanks for listening.

[Fuzzybear]

Jen,

Your sister sounds unsupportive, controlling and mean.... and the sort who always thinks she is right.

I suggest you distance yourself from her and not go down with "her ship"..... she sounds like she is unlikely to change.... for the better anyway

I hope you start feeling better soon, I have been thinking of you!

(((((((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))))))

xoxo
Fuzzy

OMG! I was just reminded of my family. Run away from her. NOW-HURRY!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm feeling a bit silly today. I apologize. I'm curious, was there a good reason why she kept calling you over and over again?
I went through anxiety attacks myself years ago and I know they are no joke. Know what helped me? Massage therapy. I'm not kidding. Find yourself a good Massage therapist. Too bad you live in Texas and not around where I live. I loved the massage therapy so much I ended up going to school for it and I'm now a certified practitioner. I don't do it professionally though.
Anyway, if you can afford it-it is definetly worth it.

Please, let me know if you do decide to try it. I'd like to know if it helps you.
Tell your sister to kiss your hiney if she gives you a hard time again or just hang up on her. Geez! You don't need that. Stay Strong!!!!
Oh, I think your puppy is REALLY cute!

[BlueFaith]

Jen, I have a sister like that also. She's the only sibling I have, and she treats me like crap. So, I just stay away from her as much as possible. And when I do have to be around her I just ignore most of what she says. It's the only way I know to deal with it. I hope you are feeling better. You are not a loser no matter what she says.

-Jennifer-

[soonforgotten]

Jen,

My only sister is the same way she thinks she miss perfect with her perfect life and tries to pull me down , so now I avoid her at all cost, I suggest you do the same. Keep your chin up 'cause you know who you are, continue to believe in yourself and stop letting her break you down.

I'm here for you

Hugs

Lisa

[kelbelle65]

Wow, {{{{{{kindred spirits!!}}}}} I thought I was the only one who had a sister that isn't close with me. Here's my sister story:

It used to bother me that my sister doesn't return my calls. It used to bother me that I only talk to her when she has a two minute spot to squeeze me in while she's running from the gym to her car, or the car to her friend's door. It used to bother me when she'd say, "I have Christmas gifts for you. I just need to find boxes for them and I'll mail them soon" and nothing ever came. It hurt me when she would pass judgement on me or act condescending toward me. I used to wake up in the middle of the night crying and wondering what I had done wrong and why my sister didn't want a relationship with me! That went on for years. Then after reading a few great self-help books, I decided that I could make peace with this. I decided to just accept this situation with as much lovingkindness as I can muster. So I sent her a heartfelt letter that said things like, "I would love to have a closer relationship with you. I would love to talk with you once a week on the phone and e-mail now and then. But I only want it to happen if it feels authentic for you. If not, I accept that with no resentment. I will always be here with my heart wide open. I understand that we are not alike in many ways. I understand that you have an extremely busy life and you're not really a "phone person". I hereby accept you exactly as you are and I realize that it is not my place to change you or try to make you be more present in my life. So if we only speak once a year, I will cherish that conversation as I cherish having you as my sister. I love you."

I then made sure I did not set any unrealistic expectations (i.e., ooh, I bet she'll read this letter and want to call me every week). I was able to release all expectations and toxic worry, including my intense need to "win" my sister and get her into my life on a regular basis. Now, I call her once in a while, write her an e-mail now and then, and like I promised her, I am always genuinely delighted when she calls, even if it's only twice a year.

One of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned was this one with my baby sister. I learned that we just cannot put expectations on people. Sorry if I sound like a self-help book... it's just that it was such a valuable and life-affirming lesson to learn.

Anyway, the other thing I decided to do to fill the void, was to choose a "sister of choice" from my circle of girlfriends. I chose my friend Rachel because we are a lot like sisters. We can get along great and be really supportive one minute, and the next minute we're having a disagreement. It works!

So, thanks for sharing your sister stories. I hope there comes a day when we are all sitting by the fire with our sister next to us, having meaningful conversation over a cup of tea. But if not, then we get to eat all the cookies...

Love to all of you, my online sisterhood!

Kelly

[jmo531]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear said:
Jen,

Your sister sounds unsupportive, controlling and mean.... and the sort who always thinks she is right.

I suggest you distance yourself from her and not go down with "her ship"..... she sounds like she is unlikely to change.... for the better anyway

I hope you start feeling better soon, I have been thinking of you!

(((((((((((((((((Jen)))))))))))))))))

xoxo
Fuzzy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Fuzzy??????????


You describes her to a T. Are you sure you dont know her? LOL

[jmo531]

I guess I have been thinking off and on today, trying to understand what has happened and why she is acting like this.

The weekend before I moved to TX, my sister (the butt lick), her hubby and her kids were visiting my mother in VA, they live in PA. Anyway, thet all came over to my house for a cook out and to say goodbye or whatever. We all hung out and had a good time. At the end of the night, my mom and step father said that they would be back the following weekend to help us pack the truck for TX. Well the following weekend, my mom, younger siblings and my step father showed up but my sister and her family did not. No call, no nothing. I dont understand it. I just dont understand why she would do that. Then to tell me its all in my head and to call me back to back like that. I mean, I just dont understand. She is mind boggling.

Makes me wanna scream. Anyway, I am dealing with it. Trying to understand her. I know what I should do and what I need to do, but why is it so hard to do what I need to do.

[Myzen]

Hi Jen,

Something I always feel when reading your posts is familiarity and closeness. When you describe your anxiety and 'toughing it out' it feels just like it is happening to me.

Well done for staying put in the last attack. I regard it as a major victory if I can stay in bed when an attack comes and not have to go walking. You did good!

I wish things were easier with your sister. I have a brother that I don't see for similar reasons. Over the years I have come to think that maybe some family members are so terrified of our illnesses that they back away or deny that we are ill at all. These are well known coping strategies.

I once tested my brother. On one of our very infrequent meetings (about 4 years ago) I crossed the bounds of politeness and talked about my illness to him. As soon as I mentioned the word 'psychiatrist' he started running. We were in a car park and he walked fast away from me. I followed him and then he started to run. I ran after him and shouted 'Hey, I'm talking to you.' I managed to hold him for a little longer and then he ran again. I let him go.

There was no need for paranoia or mind reading in this situation.This guy did not want to hear about my mental illness, period, and that was the end of it. Any other subject and he would have stayed and chatted to me but I wanted to know what was really going on with him so I broke the family rule of silence.

Maybe your sister is similarly in denial - it's a thought. If so, I think that it is unlikely you will ever get through to her, these fears run so deep.

I've found that family coldness is so very often part of the picture for us sufferers, and I think we have to be glad that there are people in the world who are brave enough to listen and share with us. As for the others, well they do their own thing, and we can't change that.

Good thoughts, M

[jmo531]

Hi Myzen

I agree with you. It seems that most sufferers have alot in comon including some member of the family either not being supportive or some that fail to recognize mental illness at all. It is unfortunate because I think for the most part, we are looking to share our experience and receive comfort and that just doesnt happen. This makes the situation worse.

It took me a long time to really open up to my mother about my illness. With the help of my step father and confronting the past, my mother and I have started anew. Each with understanding about our pasts and I honestly feel that she cares and supports me. I was extremely fortunate as I know that others do not get the closure they need.
As far as my father is concerned........well he is another story. I have such a love hate relationship with him and my feelings are so mixed up that half the time I dont know how to feel. He too suffered from anxiety attacks. He used to identlify with me in the beginning. As I started my therapy and things were "revealed" or things were brought to the forefront, he withdrew from me and, well, I suspect that our relationship with never, ever recover or be "normal". He has a hard time facing up to the abuse he inflicted and his continued need to blame me for certain things. For the most part, I have come to tolerate his position and most of the time I can just forget he exists. Other times it brothers me to no end. He will not give me closure. This is very hard for me to accept.

As for my sister. I am not sure how to handle her. I know what I need to do, but, I never expected her to be turning her back on me. We grew up in the same environment so she fully understands the hell we both lived in. There are things that she has confided in me that I thought would bring us closer but I guess that is simply not the case. I guess that is why I am having such a hard time with this. Or at least part of the reason anyway.

I am looking forward to getting back into therapy so I can understand her behavior and maybe move past it. I just dont see that happening anytime soon.

She called the house again this morning. I answered. I know, I know, I know, I must be a glutten for punishment. She was asking me something about health insurance (this has been my line of work for the last 10 years or so). I told her I wasnt exactly sure because laws and insurance coverages vary state by state and I advised her to contact her insurance company directly. I dont thinkshe really likes that because she got off the phone very abruptly. Oh well, I cant win.

[Myzen]

Hi Jen,

I read your post very carefully, and it's not all bad news. The relationship with your Mum is a real high point. I think we need to focus on the plus points when they do come, and that was a really good one for you.

I used to do a lot of wishing and hoping about relationships and IMHO that never really works for us. Gosh, I've spent whole years in that mode - to no avail! There are quite a few of us here in that position I think.

Your original post was about the anxiety as well as about your sister. I hope that 'rotten old anxiety' eases down soon, now that you have made the big move. For a lot of us here at PC, the anxiety is pretty much the main issue - it certainly has been for me.

Peaceful thoughts, M

PS - I really like your new atavar. Another brilliant graphic!

[jmo531]

That is my Gracie. She is a little over 9 months old now. She is my baby and she is the best little girl a mom could want. LOL

[GreyGoose]

Hi jmo531. Man, can I ever relate to your post!. I causually pointed out to my brother once (by email) that I suffered from anxiety, OCD and depression and he layed into me like a red-headed stepchild, called me a big baby and told me that I needed to get a life and stop "feeling sorry for myself and whining to others". Then he said "I gotta finish my pizza - BYE!". When it was all over, I'll bet we spent a whole week arguing viciously back and forth. He has a long history of being an arrogant, pompous, sarcastic, uncompassionate, ungreatful ***-hole and I'm getting very angry just thinking about him right now. Sometimes the people we hope and expect to understand and support us the most, end up being the same ones who understand us the least.

- Regards, GreyGoose

[jmo531]

Unfortunatly GG, that seems to be the truth and its very sad.

Bright side is.....we have eachother

[kelbelle65]

I have a little theory about unsupportive friends and relagives: My guess is that when our close relatives are not supportive about our disorders, it might be because they love us so much that it's hard for them to hear that we are struggling so much. They probably feel helpless and since they don't know how to help us, they don't want to hear that we are poorly because who wants to feel helpless and watch a loved one struggle? My husband does this sometimes. There have been a few times when I was having a severe anxiety or OCD episode and needed him to be comforting and supportive. What I got was not only a support shut-down, but he seemed to be angry that I didn't just know how to snap out of it. And before he knew as much as he does now, he would say things like, "your thinking is illogical" or "just relax." And I would feel so lonely and unsupported. So I'm wondering if we should try explaining to our loved ones that when we feel anxious, we need them to be gentle with us because we have a need for gentle support and reassurance that we are loved by the people we love most. This has worked for me with my husband. I simply asked him to step toward me and gently wrap his arms around me when I'm caught in an anxiety cycle. It has really helped me to verbally ask for what I need from people. It's too much work to assume that others will know how we feel and say the appropriate thing, which is only appropriate in OUR minds. People who don't have anxiety can't understand what we feel inside, so they feel completely helpless and I think they wish we had an "off" button that they could press to make us calm again, so they can relate to us. Hope I'm making sense...

Hugs to all,
-Kelly