Progress

This is for the days when I forget where I've come and what progress I've made...

In August...

...I was too afraid talk on or to answer the phone.
...I couldn't take a step outside without having a panic attack.
...I hadn't left my house in over three months.
...I went for days without speaking a single word to anyone.
...I turned down a free vacation in fear of being seen and humiliated by others.
...I had lost contact with all of my friends.
...I missed my own high school graduation because I was too nervous to walk in front of people.
...I couldn't eat, write, draw, or do other simple tasks in the presence of others.
...I couldn't talk with anyone I didn't know.
...I was too afraid of embarrassment to apply for work or to fill out college applications.
...I simply couldn't live.

But today--today I called a stranger on the phone and scheduled a job interview!

I guess progress is real.

That's about where I am. Some people just give up because they don't see progress, but it is there and wonderful with effort.

Congrats! Any step we make is progress. Taking baby steps will eventually get you where you want to be. Keep on keepin' on!!!

That is AMAZING progress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoswho!!! WELL DONE!!!!!

Thanks everyone.

This is one of those days where I needed to remember the sticky, sticky ooze I've been trying to crawl out from. I feel like I'm being sucked back in...

I hate going backwards.

Good for you, whoswho. There are going to be days. Just do not quit working at it.

You can do it!!!! ((((((((((whoswho))))))))) As TheByz says, there will always be bad days, but that doesn't take away from the good days and all the progress you've made. You've come so far!! And I know you'll keep going!

That is so terrific!!

Sorry you had a bad day that felt like a step backwards. You are still making progress by being aware of it!

It's great that you thought to revisit your progress post to help keep you inspired. Awesome job!!

Thank you all...

Yes, I'm still trying. And I'm still struggling. Every stupid noise gives me a fright. Yet, I am finally aware of that struggle; I am aware that this struggle doesn't automatically make me less of a person... and I am reminded that this, too, is progress.

But boy, am I nervous right now!

It's great that you have this awareness now ((((whoswho)))) That is worth so much. It may not make the anxiety go away completely, but it creates some space around it, whereas before it was all-consuming. That perspective really helps me and I do think it is progress. Even if the anxiety is still there, if we can change our relationship to it and see it for what it is, that creates some distance to it and gives us breathing room. Awareness definitely lessens the power of the anxiety over us. Wishing you all the very best!! ((((((((whoswho))))))

Hello who,

Welcome to pc. Excellent news you've made such wonderful progress and you have so much to be proud of

Maybe I was fooling myself making this thread.

One would think that I take enough medications and have spent enough hours in therapy to get over some of this anxiety to function at a basic, secular level. Apparently I can't give even an informal demonstration without freezing up and being on the verge of tears. How pitiful!

I've always got to go make a fool of myself, don't I? When I look up, all I should see is dirt. It feels like I'm not going to get any higher than rock bottom.

(((((((whoswho)))))) You weren't fooling yourself by starting this thread. Even if you're going through a rough patch right now, that doesn't in any way detract from all the progress you've made. The progress is still real. I know it's very disappointing when we feel like we have gone backwards, but realistically, I think that progress is often more like a graph, with ups and downs, than a straight line in one direction. It's hard for me to remember this because I'm very black and white in my thinking, but I do believe it's true!!

I'm really sorry your demonstration didn't go as well as you would have liked. The idea of giving a demonstration sounds nerve-wracking to me, so I think it's great you even tried to do it!! And I can imagine you are being hard on yourself now in retrospect, and it may well be that others had no idea you were struggling. Or even if they did, they will have forgotten it very quickly.

Sending you good vibes and wishing you good days!! Keep coming back to read that list in your first post. That's real progress!

The things that were so hard for you back in August were much more basic than giving a demonstration. I can see that you've definitely made progress. There are plenty of people who don't suffer from anxiety or panic who would run, run, run from giving a demonstration to even one person!

I'm so sorry that you froze and were on the verge of tears while you were doing it. I'm so happy for you being able to do it at all, though. In my school program we have to give speeches and my teacher says every year at least one person runs out of the room and vomits! This is grad school, a program where public speaking is required. And no one thinks those people are pitiful. We all know what it's like to be nervous, and we're just grateful if we can ever make it through!

I don't want to invalidate your feelings. I know what it feels like to have those thoughts! Just hoping you are able to see the positive side of the experience once the stress has passed, and that you're feeling a little better today.

I am so sick of making progress, and then having something cause me to fall back, and continue to suffer.

How can I push past that?

Everything I do wrong is such an insurmountable obstacle. Can I ever get over it?

I must be really crazy to be like this--am STILL like this.

I want to hide from everything. And then what? Then I'll be back where I was, completely housebound, too afraid to even open the blinds or get the mail...