Daily "Drop Off Your Anxious Thought"

I am just feeling a little all over the place today. No one emothion that seems to really fit, but I just want to be happy and I want to have my husband happy and I want us to be happy, and yet I am feeling so hopeless about our future because I just can't seem to get any sign of hope from husband... and I am really working so hard to just stand back and give him that space.... How can I keep doing this?

I shared on Monday with him and his/our doctor how much he is hurting me, by leaving me out in the cold and not sharing anything in his life with me, and that I think he needs to get some help so we can get through this. He says that he is going to, and when I told him that he has been saying that for a couple months and still won't talk to me he says "you don't know what I have or haven't done"..........DUH, thus my problem...He won't tell me ANYTHING AND I AM REACHING MY LIMIT. I totally understand if he can't talk to me right now, and I understand that there is a lot going on, but talking to people on facebook that he has never met and who do not really know him is not going to give him what he needs...

I told this to my PDr yesterday, and she says "there is nothing wrong with talking to people, but they are only going to be able to give him their answers, where seeing someone trained can give him different answers and as they develop this person can be able to help him figure out the true issues he is dealing with..." that is not an exact quote, but close enough.

Point is I had hoped that we might have a breakthrough, but I just can't stop thinking about this and how much his pain and suffering is affecting me being able to focus on just me...

I am a believer that once we married, we became ONE and so in my mind, his problems are my problems and my problems are supposed to be his problems and that we have to work together to solve all our problems....

I konw that I have really gone crazy, but I need to get it all out in the open, so that when I see him tonight I can keep quiet and continue to "give him space". That phrase is starting to drive me insane...

I am just so lonely and I am becoming desperate for physical contact from him... We haven't been together in over two months and I am craving some kind of intimacy with him, and he is aware of my needs, but says he just isn't interested. He swears that there is no one else, and that he is just tired and stressed out...but he won't touch me and he flinches away from me when I try to touch him....

The only recent exceptions have been a half hug, when I was freaking out about my mom and I asked him one night if I could scratch his back...and a few sneek touches to his back when he was sound asleep. It helps me so much to relax even it is just a brief touch and he is also very aware of this too.

And for this particular issue, I really can't get this need fulfilled by others, it is the contact of that one that means the most to me and that I want to mean the most too him too.

Again just needing to get this all out of me....

I am feeling anxious about feeling like I scare people off. I am just feeling stupid.

((((((((((SL)))))))))))

Just all around very anxious!!!

((((((((((lastyear))))))))))

I'm not anxious right now but I am pissed off about some stuff, but I guess that's some other thread!! The advantage of being pissed off is that I find it cancels out anxiety. But I digress!!!!

((((((((((sundog)))))))))))

Yeah right now I'm like would love to be like instead.. I'm needing a target for my anger. Wanna lend me some of yours? If you feel like sharing that is.

LOL!!!! I will gladly lend you some of my . I'll even throw in some

(((((((((lastyear)))))))

Just worried! So much going on!

I'm nervous at work, I got into an arguement with this lady and she told the manager that I told her to go f*** off. Now my manager is giving me weird vibes and I been in a terrible mood all week cuz of it and I had to take the last two days off cuz I can't stand the treatment.

My therapist has been missing since Wednesday and isn't answering texts or emails and missed our session on Thursday night. I haven't heard back from her. I am scared to death that something has happened to her. She also had already cancelled 4 sessions in the past 2 weeks. I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!!

I am worried that I will never be able to fall asleep again!

Amazed that I am managing to function despite this depression and anxiety. I guess the therapy and al anon is helping. But I need something to lessen the physical sensations soon or I am going to go crazy. I am tired of crying every night, tired of the nighttime thoughts of death, self-hatred, self-injury. Today I am a picture candidate for anti-depressants and I want something now. When will the doctor call back?

Yup, I go to the doctor Wednesday and am worrying about a health concern too.

I am worrying about where to live this month.

((((SarahMichelle))))

I hope all is ok...do you know if she is or was sick when she cancelled the other appointments? Hopefully she is just miserable and not thinking clearly from being sick and will update you when she feels better.

Mine was really OK....I have to go back and have test again in two onths, but doctor fully expects problems to have corrected itself. Said it is a matter of being overly cautious at this point, so I did feel relieved for the most part.

I really hope all goes well for you Perna at your appointment.

Now my medical dilemma is my husbands problem and I hope that it turns up to be something simple, but the blood tests revealed nothing.

I tell you when it rains it pours.... I hope that all the medical stuff can get controlled soon. I have about had my quota of doctors and hospitals during my life.

I am dealing with a great deal of jealousy today and I don't even know who I am jealous of.... just "facebook friends".

My husband has pretty much been doing nothing but texting since I got off of work today. And I tried really hard to not say anything, but eventually I sent him a text and asked if he minded if I asked who he was texting and above was his response. I just tried to be with him, without my phone or computer or without talking or anything, and I just got ignored for about an hour other than a couple of times he caught me looking in his direction and asked "What?"....

I know in my heart that it is most likely just friends he is chatting with and that there is nothing "going on", but I can't seem to get the thought out of my head that he is talking to people he would rather "be with" and it hurts.

But I know that I have to be quiet and not say anything or do anything that indicates how I am feeling, because this is what makes him pull away even more. This is not a new problem in our 20+ years together. And at one time he used to have fun "making" me jealous, but now it is not so amusing to him. And I am so conditioned in how I usually respond, that it is like trying to do something nearly impossible to keep quiet.

Oh how I wish there were a magic potion to make everything instantly better, because I'd make sure that my husband and I got our little portions and then share as much as I could with everyone else I know and have met that needs a little....LOL...just dreaming though!

Just want to stop feeling jealous!

I'm worried I can't do it, work. I'm worried I will freak out and everyone will see.

I have several female friends whose husbands and boyfriends just disappear into computer land like it's a black hole. sigh.
Once my husband was so into his computer that he wasn't even hearing me. This particular time, he was on call for work so I phoned his pager. He cursed and swore because he had to answer it. when he say my caller id he looked so confused and lost and I just stood a few feet away with the phone to my ear waving at him. This was a few years ago and I still remind of what I have to do to get his attention from time to time.
roses

1. My first original composition was performed today... it was driving me crazy leaving me in fetal position on my couch for a few hours and I am glad to have that finished with.
2. Wind Ensemble concert is tomorrow and I have a snare drum solo, vibraphone solo, and an almost impossible xylophone solo.
3. I have to get all of the instruments back down to the music building on Tuesday.
4. I have juries (like exams for our instrumental skills) on Friday and I can't practice until the instruments are back in the music building on Tuesday.
5. I'm lonely and I know I'm only 19 but life is going by so quickly.
6. Exams are next week.
7. I have to completely move everything out next week.
8. There is just not enough time... ugh.

I survived without any freaking out episodes, I just really don't want to go back now more than ever

Had my first annual mammogram on Friday and I now have to go back for additional views, because I have micro calcifications and they want a closer look. Ok. I am freaking out again... why can't everything just be fine...my grandpa, my dad, my mom, me, husband, now me again, then next week my husband again... it seems so insane, I hate worrying about stuff, but I just keep getting more and more thrown at me.

I'm worried that even though one of the bosses encouraged me to apply, I won't get the job that I applied for. Even though I'm pretty happy in my current job, this worries me. Rejection sucks!

My worry is that I will die hating myself.

I'm afraid of losing my job.

I'm afraid of telling my teacher that I was too sick to finish my assignment.

I'm afraid of talking to financial aid to set things straight.

I'm afraid of being a total and complete failure...