[sugahorse1]

I can't handle hearing tension and anger in other people's voices. Even if it's not at me, even if it's a conversation between 2 other people.
It gets to me, to my core. I get so anxious and tighten up. I feel I just want to run away from the situation.
I end up losing concentration towards anything and just try shut down.
It also makes me angry and I lose my temper.
I'm trying to listen to my iPod or remove myself from the situation, but I hate the anxiety. I hate not being able to keep things together.
Is this the part where Klonopin comes in handy?

[Omers]

yes on the Klonopin.
I was driving yesterday when the man driving behind me got angry. I could just feel it so I looked in the mirror. He had his fists clenched and was banging the wheel. I turned off just to get away but it still left me upset most of the day... even with a valium.
I am REALLY sensitive to tone of voice too. So much so that there is even a section on it in my psych eval!
It sucks!

[Open Eyes]

Wow, me too, I am very sensitive to tone and anger displayed by others.

I do know that it has to do with my past and it also has to do with how I know that voice raising is when people are being agressive and not assertive.

This is one of my triggers and at least I know that now and I am working on it. My husband has a tendency to get very loud and push his point and it really annoys me to the core. But with him, I am working on it, redirecting him, but, it is a project. At least I stop him, make him think, and he is more aware now and trying.

One of the grounding methods I use is just to think that those who do it are nothing more than a child throwing a temper tantrum, someone elses child and not my job to discipline it. And when it is directed at me, I immediately devalue it to the person and walk away. I call it for what it is and give the impression that when the other person ends the loud behavior and wants me to listen than that is the only way there will be a conversation.

It takes work, time, and you do have to reason it and ground it out.
It is like an electrical outlet, there has to be a ground or someone gets hurt. That is when you have to put your brain in gear to, ground it down
conciously.

Open Eyes

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Omers!
Xxx
Def something I need to work on. It just really hurt and scared me in a way

[thea_kronborg]

Yes, I am also really sensitive to tension, even when not directed at me, but especially when it is. Conflict really, really upsets me. It's something I personally need to work on because I've left jobs because of it, which really only hurts me.

thea

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by thea_kronborg

Yes, I am also really sensitive to tension, even when not directed at me, but especially when it is. Conflict really, really upsets me. It's something I personally need to work on because I've left jobs because of it, which really only hurts me.

thea

I would be happy to listen to the conflict that you have addressed and couldn't seem to handle. I will see if I can help you think thu it better.
You can do it here or you can always PM me. Whatever you like. I try to post out in the open because I know you are not alone. But I if you like to just PM, I can think about it and tell you what I think or I can post a question and we can both look at it. OK?
I have to warn you, I am busy this weekend working, I try to check my posts but I don't always get to on the weekends.

Open Eyes

[introvertguy]

I can relate. I don't like hearing people argue. I get anxious. It may have to do with fear of loss of control and security. When people express negative tones it can seem judgmental and you don't know what'll happen.

[ECHOES]

Separateness means that others' conversations, issues, thoughts, feelings, conflicts are about them and not about us.
The more we are aware of our separateness, the less something like this might affect us. It can jolt us a bit, then we can remember that what is going on with the others is about them and not about us; being aware of this as it happens is relieving right in the moment.

I'm the same way - I hate hearing conflict, anger, even just discussions about things where people don't agree that aren't arguments, merely conflicting sides. i've been like this since I was a child. If people start actually yelling, I have a very strong reaction to that, even if i'm not directly involved in the situation.

[thesnowqueen]

I get anxious when someone just sounds a little less friendly than usual. I start worrying that they don't want to be friends anymore, that I did something to offend them, or that now that they know me better they can see how worthless I am... My T picked up that I unconsciously measure degrees of friendliness! I try to keep in mind that people are always in different moods, and are often thinking about things that have nothing to do with me. Is this off topic?

[ECHOES]

No it isn't off topic. It is what I meant by separateness. Others have thoughts that are not what we might think/guess that those thoughts are. Their thoughts are about them and not about us unless they are expressed as something about us. Guessing what others' moods are "about" is tiring and is not direct communication which is more helpful when there is something amiss that needs to be discussed.

[thesnowqueen]

Good point: I do do a lot more mind-reading than a person should! Also, I am not properly individuated, so I don't have a very good sense of my separateness. Good news is: I'm getting there!

[BatsAndButterflies]

I completely understand what you are describing. If I hear even the slightest bit of tension or anger in someones voice, even if it is someone else and doesn't involve me, my heart will start beating out of my chest, I'll get all itchy, have trouble breathing... all that fun stuff.

Conflict caused major anxiety with me.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

I can't handle hearing tension and anger in other people's voices. Even if it's not at me, even if it's a conversation between 2 other people.
It gets to me, to my core. I get so anxious and tighten up. I feel I just want to run away from the situation.
I end up losing concentration towards anything and just try shut down.
It also makes me angry and I lose my temper.
I'm trying to listen to my iPod or remove myself from the situation, but I hate the anxiety. I hate not being able to keep things together.
Is this the part where Klonopin comes in handy?

I don't like angry tones of voice, either, and I include sarcasm and sneering, which is what I have to listen to on the job. That feeling of wanting to run away might be telling you that the solution is to remove yourself from the situation. I know that is what I plan to do, and sooner rather than later.

[animasana]

OMG! It is so relieving to read that others have this same issue. I am VERY sensitive to others' tone of voice. Just before I broke up with my last boyfriend, it came up in discussion. I said, "you know, I think I'm afraid to talk to you about things because I really feed off the tone of your voice. If you sound the slightest bit annoyed, mad, etc, I just don't feel comfortable talking to you." << That is a whole different story though but the idea still stands. I notice it with anyone though. Even if I'm just observing a conversation between others around me. I feel uneasy FOR other people if I sense tension or animosity of any kind.

From the various things I've read about social anxiety, I've come across a number of ideas about how some people with social anxiety tend to over-analyze social situations. I wonder if this is part of it (the over-sensitivity to tone of voice). I don't know; I'm no mental health professional. I'm just thinking out loud...

And I, too, have had incidences where people will get angry at me on the road, where it will make me incredibly upset. I'm lucky if I can forget about it within the next few hours. Sometimes it leaves me defeated for the entire day. -Which I realize is kind of nuts, but this is just how crazy I've become as of recently.

[Elana05]

OMG yes. We have neighbors across the street, young guys, who love to get into drunken fights on summer weekends. I have to wear earplugs. The sound of the yelling causes me total anxiety. My heart pounds, I feel ill.
(Thanks for your non-existent boundaries with rage, mom!)

[BatsAndButterflies]

Sometimes I will hear my parents talking downstairs and my Dad has a certain tone in his voice all the time and it sounds angry so if I can hear them I freak out a little.

[Emotionally Dead]

Anxiety is just lovely, isn't it?

We all have so many different things that trigger us, it's crazy. It's wild. I don't have much advice other than definitely try to do other things because I have my own anxiety and I can't ever get it to stop lol. I don't take medication for it even though I probably should, so can't help you there but I do wish you the best of luck.

[Nammu]

WoW! I've never given this a thought. I can remember, not the exact age(I have loops in my memory) but my cousins(2boys-1girl) and myself were sitting in the car waiting for our moms to come, and they started fighting, I burst into tears -and said something about them hateing each other--they looked at me like I was from Mars, Jim was my age, then 1 year younger and 2 years younger) and started laughing-we doun't hate each other. I still feel that way-I can't take fighting on TV either and it's not even real, I turn the sound off and use the captions when its too tense or I'm too jumpy. Yup, definitely time for the klonopin. Yeah the tone. There's a conection. I go all cold, every muscle seems to get tense, I want to run away.

[ECHOES]

Anger frightens and fear is the root of anxiety.
When the situation you are in is not a situation dangerous to you, then it's helpful to remember that other people can and do get angry and that it has nothing to do with you, so you can let it slide right off; you don't have to do anything such as run away in any form. You are okay even when others are angry.

[Buddha443556]

Other peoples emotions tend to stress me too and I've learned that I need to avoid people for the most part. It's not like angry people scare me. I am the person most likely to sort such a person out-- one way or another. No problem handling them occasionally but day in and day out is a no-no.

[Perna]

I was lucky. I had a boss I admired/trusted get angry at me (for arguing) but I "cared" about what I was saying, I was right/telling the truth and just kept to that and eventually he "heard" me and checked and found out I was right, etc. and was very apologetic. Anger is to solve problems like that, misperceptions or ways the angry person has been hurt. If you "feel sorry" for the person angry, that can help. But having a good outcome to an angry situation that you, yourself are involved in helped me -- that and working with a good therapist and perceptions of her being angry at me, etc.

[saphirrain]

I go straight into panic mode if someone near me is angry, particularly a man. If a man is any where near my children and not in a good mood, he doesn't even have to be mad at them, and I panic every time.

[His_FriskyBrat]

Originally Posted by saphirrain

I go straight into panic mode if someone near me is angry, particularly a man. If a man is any where near my children and not in a good mood, he doesn't even have to be mad at them, and I panic every time.

Wow, you struck a cord with me. I do the same thing except I have no children.

[Kmbpeace1171]

I can really relate to this, I used to work in a big clubhouse for severely mentally ill adults and there were a lot of members who were very loud, my job was in large part making sure everyone was safe and things were secure, because of the number of fights i witnessed while there, it got to the point where anytime I heard escalating voices whether out of anger and arguing or just excitement about something that happened in their life, I COULD NOT tell the difference and I became very startled and anxious and had to ask them to tone it down a bit because I thought they were about to fight, it was a bad environment for me to be working in and I got out after about 8 years , I LOVED what I did there tho and miss it but got to the point where I felt rather ineffective. SO I relate to ur post a whole lot and hope it gets better for u. Hugz.