Decisions, Decisions

I have some really important decisions to make...and my anxiety about making them is terrible. I have to do the dirty deed of breaking up with my bf, which causes me a lot of concern. There's so much that goes into me breaking up with the jerk, but I still do care for him. He's a nice guy when we're not fighting.

Anyways, tomorrow we have a Christmas party to go to. I'm not thrilled at all about it, though. That means spending even more time with someone who I can't be myself around, which means I feel more like a prisoner in my own skin. It's terrible to have to live like this..in secrecy. I just want to be my own self again. I'm nervous about this whole party thing, too, because I don't do well in crowds and there's gonna be a lot of people there...a lot of people who will stare at me and look at me and all of that.

take a deep breath and a hot bath. relax yourself and do it one minute at a time. you can do this. xoxox pat

Let 'em stare, YOU ARE A SWEETIE !!!

Breaking up is hard to do. But you can do it.

Do you have to go to the party? Just stay home. You can say you're sick, or even say, "I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I'm not in the mood." As for people staring, why would they? I'm not saying people don't point and stare sometimes, but in general, people don't go to parties and pick a person out and stare at him or her. Most people will be chatting within their own little circles, perhaps moving around to greet and chat with others. If they stare at you, go over to them and ask them why. If it's an insult, tell them to F*** off and walk away.

Well, I made it through the Christmas party ok. I was very anxious but managed to make it ok through the whole thing. I got a $10 gift certificate and some gifts from the mental health workers. It was nice. I did see a few people I knew, but only 2 that I cared to talk to. The rest aren't worth knowing, really. They're just plain stuck up and rude.

I did get really annoyed with my boyfriend at the party, but I guess that's a given anymore. Now I just have to deal with breaking up with my boyfriend, which will take a lot more effort on my part.

We got to eat a really good meal at the party, too. Lately, we haven't had anything to eat. I mean my boyfriend's dad bought us some meat, but we don't have anything to go with it. So we've been living off of eating chicken, pork chops, deer venison, and whatever else we can think of, which isn't much. I'm really desperate for food right now so today's meal was a relief from wondering how and when we're gonna eat.

I hope you stuffed yer purse with leftovers. Very glad you got a meal. We can't think straight on emtpty tummies.

What about cheap food, like macaroni and cheese, Ramen noodles, stuff like that?