[gma45]

I think I am beginning to see why I have built this wall around myself. My problem is how do I tear it down? I always thought I was different and that I did not belong. I am understanding now that I have feeling just like everyone else. I just can't or don't express mine. It makes me way to nervous to even write them out. Does it get easier with practice? At this moment my mind is trying to wonder because I was starting to breath harder. Going into panic mood is the norm for me when someone gets to close. I want this anxiety to go way! This can't be good for my heart!

[Gus1234U]

{{{ gma }}} you might look into cognitive therapy, changing the way you view yourself and the world around you, events and expectations... i used to joke that panic attacks were my form of aerobic exercise,, the docs didn't laugh, but i felt better... i used to have this way of thinking that i called catastrophic ideation: always imagining the worst. it's a defense mechanism that is so burdensome, better to be vulnerable and free of it, as i am now. hope you find the support you need... best wishes,, Gus

[shezbut]

((((gma45))))

I can relate to the fear of letting your true emotions out. I'm stuck on that same issue myself. For whatever reason, we view some emotions as being more socially acceptable.

Fear and anger are okay. A vague major depression is okay in my mind. But I am very avoidant of disappointment. For some reason, just saying that word in here makes my heart pound harder and I feel scared (for some unknown reason).

Anyway, I can empathize. Just wanted you to know that I'm right around the corner Best wishes to you!

[Yesterdays]

Hey (((gma)))

I went through a period of time where I felt a lot similar to the way you describe, as I couldn't express myself or be myself. For me the cause of the problem was my insecurities, and the fear that if I acted as myself, I would not be accepted by others. But what I learned is that if I don't accept myself, no one else will get the chance to accept me either, because they will never really see me.

It might help you to try therapy and talk about your own problems that you feel are causing you to put up this wall. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's fear of trust. There's a majority of things it could be. I think that's the first thing you need to figure out.

Just know that you're not alone, and that there are people out there who will accept me. It took me awhile, but I fee like I've found a few.

[danii24]

oh gma45 i feel what your going thorught i knoe it never goes away unless we work through wharts keepings yous here i hope you can find some comfort i really do.i hope iu da best

[gma45]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

{{{ gma }}} you might look into cognitive therapy, changing the way you view yourself and the world around you, events and expectations... i used to joke that panic attacks were my form of aerobic exercise,, the docs didn't laugh, but i felt better... i used to have this way of thinking that i called catastrophic ideation: always imagining the worst. it's a defense mechanism that is so burdensome, better to be vulnerable and free of it, as i am now. hope you find the support you need... best wishes,, Gus

Thanks Gus, I found a site on line with some cognitive therapy ideas and workbooks I have done some before it just has been awhile and yes I think it will help me, just need a refresher course!

[gma45]

Originally Posted by danii24

oh gma45 i feel what your going thorught i knoe it never goes away unless we work through wharts keepings yous here i hope you can find some comfort i really do.i hope iu da best

Thanks danii24, That's why I hang around here! Just knowing someone is here with a kind word and support helps me want to work on my problems. Makes life not quite so lonely! Hope you are hanging in there too!

[gma45]

Originally Posted by Yesterdays

Hey (((gma)))

I went through a period of time where I felt a lot similar to the way you describe, as I couldn't express myself or be myself. For me the cause of the problem was my insecurities, and the fear that if I acted as myself, I would not be accepted by others. But what I learned is that if I don't accept myself, no one else will get the chance to accept me either, because they will never really see me.

It might help you to try therapy and talk about your own problems that you feel are causing you to put up this wall. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's fear of trust. There's a majority of things it could be. I think that's the first thing you need to figure out.

Just know that you're not alone, and that there are people out there who will accept me. It took me awhile, but I fee like I've found a few.

Thanks Yesterdays, I know you are right about the insecurites and I do have trust issues also. I have faith I will work though this also with the help of all of you. It just takes time these are things that I have carried with me for a long time change does not happen over night.