[PetulantWolf]

So, you may know that my husband,died in November, my dog in October and my best friend in April (2005). I lost my apartment. I live in the basement of my mother who beat me up every day until I was 13 years old. So Im alone und until a whole lotta stress.

So I was screwing around with my Air conditioner casue I have parakeets and I didnt want them to get a draft. I was trying to cover it up. And I my finger in this black hole in the AC by mistake. Then it just all kicked. I mean KICKED IN. I started thinking. What if there was a bat living in my air conditioner. yes, now that the drugs kicked in I know how weird it sounds. Anyway. I got a flashlight and I went outside and I had to investigate. Then, I came in and took half the air conditioner apart. Lokked at it from all different angles with flashlights but couldnt get it completly apart, so even though I took the xanax Im still not satisfied. I have to get the stinking cover off. Of course, Ive washed my hands about twenty times this this whole thing started. And squirted them with that alcohol squeezy stuff. Usually I can let stuff go but this one is not going. I got so freaked out that I decided to start the Paxil the doc gave me about six months ago. So now Im waiting to start itching and die from that as well. It really sucks to be me today. Why would my brain let go of this. Any suggestions?! Ort tomorrow I will be outside my house with my screwdriver and aircontioner in pieces. Or in the middle of the night, worse yet. If they dont carry me off tonight, they never will.

[greenfairy]

oh goodness i think you could use a very big hug
((((((((((((((((((justsignmeupalready))))))))))))))))))))))
its easier said than done, but breathe! take a nice deep breath in and exhale and let yourself relax. i know how scary it is to panic but keep reminding yourself that you are ok!!!
try to leave the air conditioner alone. sit down, have some hot tea, and put your focus on something else. try reading, watching tv, anything that will put you at ease and remember BREATHE!!!! youre going to be ok.
ok to pm if you can''t sleep and just need to talk.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I am really sorry for all the losses in your life...you have had so much on you.
On the AC....a hot bath with candles and maybe like someone said some hot tea may help relax you some..I am not sure this was a good day to start a new med I hope you just get sleepy...Tape a platic bag like a leaf bag over the inside part of the AC so you can relax and rest tonight

[PetulantWolf]

Thank you both for understanding. It is all so strange, Can you imagine explaining that to someone at a cocktail party? ususally I just get little ones and I can distract myself. This one was a big ugly outta control one.
I did do the garbag e bag thing. And I feel kinda better. If Richie was alive he would have handled the whole thing. I guess I have to get my act together by myself now. Its sink or swim.
Than you both again. ilike your pictures/ avatars or whatever theyre called
Hugs.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Youre welcome and thanks on the avatars and pics.....I kinda know somewhat how you feel as I have OCD features ...and am sooo bad on meds like will I die or get all the side effects PLUS new ones if I take this so I do know....If it was a spider fear thats what I would have done with the AC only I would have it on with tons of duct tape HAHA and NOOOO its umm not the kinda stuff you talk about at parties or the PTA
Again I am so sorry for your losses and part of me thinks the OCD may be worse right now from all the after stressors
hugs

[PetulantWolf]

I used LOTS of duct tape, LOL...

[AlwaysSearching]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about all you've been through. I've lost a lot of loved ones, human and animal, over the past two years and I know that pain well. ((((((justsignmeupalready)))))))

I agree with the others about doing something soothing and relaxing. What relaxes you? Listening to music? Reading? Maybe watching a movie that makes you laugh? You've had a rough day and you need to take care of yourself now.