[BrokenNBeautiful]

Esp. a store.

I was hungry and wanted to go in for a sandwich at the deli.

I was so afraid of feeling stupid and the man yelling at me. I was thinking, "Even if he doesnt' yell, shouldn't he? I feel so stupid!"

I hear that social/agora phobia is caused by our thoughts.

but does anyone have a paralyzing (or moderate) fear of stores?

I am scared I am not going to find what I want or I am going to annoy the people.

I was too scared to go in and have a sandwich.

gd it I am 44! I can do this.

But I still am so scared of feeling stupid.

I had to go to the drug store and buy some medicine tonight and the only reason I went was because I was sick and needed it. And I was familiar with the place.

Unknowns are scary.

Ani (mentor) told me today that since I have been sick and laid up over the holidays, I have been re-sensitized and need to practice going out again.

Billi

[Perna]

Hi, Billi. I use to have a fear of riding buses (didn't think when I rang the bell at my stop to get off that they'd stop the bus, they'd be angry with me for wanting that) and pumping gas at a gas station I'd never used (they'd get angry, tell me I wasn't supposed to be there) and lots of other buying like that. I didn't like deli's or buying food alone, as you say, either, they might laugh at me or not let me.

Lots of therapy and getting to know myself and making myself do these things anyway and observing that what I feared never happened got me over 99% of such fears. Even if I am anxious today I can just do it anyway and concentrate on what I want rather than the other people I am afraid of. Concentrate on how it will taste when you get it instead of their being angry and not giving it to you; that doesn't generally happen so I just "think of something else" especially something I'm doing after I order (eating :-)

[shelterdog71]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

but does anyone have a paralyzing (or moderate) fear of stores?
I am scared I am not going to find what I want or I am going to annoy the people.

I have the same problem but only with a new place I've never been to before. There's several new stores that opened up that I'm dying to try but won't dare go there unless I can get someone to go with me. I've always been this way and really don't understand it. A few times I've gone in a new place alone and was terrified even though I had NO reason to be. Even if they didn't have what I wanted I would still pick something and buy it so people wouldn't look at me funny or think bad things. I should have just walked out without buying anything but I thought that would be worse.

I realize it's dumb, I have every right to be in that store, and that NOBODY is paying attention to me...but I just can't handle it. I always think people are watching my every move, judging everything I do, and talking about me behind my back. Yet I don't feel this way when I go to a store that I am familiar with. I have no problems going alone and am fully confident while in the store. I'll talk to people, ask questions, etc. and have no issues with it.

[Justbyou]

I can relate so much to all of you. My phobia can happen with new places or ones such as the gym that I've gone to several times. I'm not sure what caused it because I haven't always been like this. It's the oddest thing. Dealing with it has been a work in progress.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Perna

I didn't like deli's or buying food alone, as you say, either, they might laugh at me or not let me.

Thanks.

Are you afraid they would not serve you?

I get intimidated by the "we reserve the right to refuse service..."

Interesting about the gas pump. I dont' pump gas, but I get scared someone will t hink I'm stupid cause I don't know how to do something. Examples: automated cashiers and copy machines.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by shelterdog71

I realize it's dumb, I have every right to be in that store, and that NOBODY is paying attention to me...but I just can't handle it.

I get scared that they might think I am going to steal something or loiter or harrass them.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Justbyou

I can relate so much to all of you. My phobia can happen with new places or ones such as the gym that I've gone to several times. I'm not sure what caused it because I haven't always been like this. It's the oddest thing. Dealing with it has been a work in progress.

New places esp freak me out. It's the unknowns. Or if I haven' been somewhere in a while.

Not being able to go to IHOP because it's a new place.

[Brokenwings73]

I have a paralyzing fear stores. I have to have lists with no more than 5 items. I can't handle lines. Half the time I just leave my things! And I refuse to go grocery shopping. I send people with lists for me. One the rare occasion I'm there I'm in full blown panic attack. I also have a severe eating disorder so restaurants also cause anxiety. I'm so much happier sitting at home ands doing projects. I've found knitting and writing help alot.

[Irine]

I am scared of feeling stupid a lot. at work, in stores, when i order food.....SOOO many places. It sucks.

I am trying to practice this:
Remember my assumption (construction, conviction) for instance: "I am going to annoy them" and WITH THAT in mind go into the store. With the fear and everything.

After you are done ask yourself if most people there reacted in away that showed annoyance or not?
Try to recall what you thought before you went into the store, all your fears, and now see which were justified and which were not. Next time you will go into a store remember your last experience. Always pay attention to the way you feel before you go in - and after you get out - examine what happened, what you exactly dear, if what you fear the most happened - if yes- how are you doing now?

[Aslan]

smile act freindly and dont steal the products.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

This happened today after I had left the store and the cart just wouldn't stay "parked" when I returned it. Sure enough, some woman had to make a laughing deal out of it.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish she would have said something to make it clear that she was laughing WITH you, not AT you - stand-up comedians have brought up this topic SO MANY TIMES, and there have been so many car commercials and stuff about them that, to me, a stuck wheel ("or 4 stuck wheels, am I right people?!") or a runaway cart is an automatic punchline. Again, I am really sorry. Laughter should never be used as a weapon.

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by hankster

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish she would have said something to make it clear that she was laughing WITH you, not AT you - stand-up comedians have brought up this topic SO MANY TIMES, and there have been so many car commercials and stuff about them that, to me, a stuck wheel ("or 4 stuck wheels, am I right people?!") or a runaway cart is an automatic punchline. Again, I am really sorry. Laughter should never be used as a weapon.

Thank you for that!!! I didn't know it was a common punchline. It was also a lesson about this area; and I had two other object lessons today -
It all served to reinforce my conviction I need to be in a more intellectual community. Now I have to get, get busy and move!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

this thread is getting so good!

billi

[ECHOES]

This IS a good thread ~ Thank you for starting it.
So many times I have these vague fears that I can't name, that just make me feel weird and abnormal. This is one, this fear of some public places like stores.

The other day I found myself grocery shopping as if someone was watching what I was selecting and judging the selection, etc. I realized that it feels this way very often!

It doesn't help that there are forty-eleven brands and varieties of every product! For example, something little like buying a can of peaches. This one or that one? This type of peach or that one? Regular or lite (what's in that lite one anyway?)
And I LIKE canned peaches. But I feel like I 'shouldn't' like canned peaches, that I should only want fresh, and organic if possible, peaches. Why canned anything? There is a whole produce section of fresh things right over there. And what are you going to have with those canned peaches? Cottage cheese? Well that's just fat! (even though I buy low or no fat). Sometimes I can't even reach for what I want.

Which is probably why I order delivery pizza when I get home.

But that's what I feel like much of the time I'm out shopping. I don't shop for pleasure, just for necessities. But I feel like every choice has to be 'justified' and it makes the shopping soooo exhausting.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

This IS a good thread ~ Thank you for starting it.
So many times I have these vague fears that I can't name, that just make me feel weird and abnormal. This is one, this fear of some public places like stores.

The other day I found myself grocery shopping as if someone was watching what I was selecting and judging the selection, etc. I realized that it feels this way very often!

And I LIKE canned peaches. But I feel like I 'shouldn't' like canned peaches, that I should only want fresh, and organic if possible, peaches. Why canned anything? There is a whole produce section of fresh things right over there. And what are you going to have with those canned peaches? Cottage cheese? Well that's just fat! (even though I buy low or no fat). Sometimes I can't even reach for what I want.

.

Thanks for this. I have to laugh with you!

You know?

I was raised by a very restrictive aunt---health nut!

I have a critical voice inside my head, too.

the antidote to that?

"Billi, what do you think? Not what they think!"

anyway, I was selecting lettuce today and I had to almost say to myself, "Billi, you are buying this because you want to eat better. Bruce bought this the other night. It's okay."

You bring up a great point---why do we have to JUSTIFY?

None of anyone's business!

thanks,

Billi

[lancetrot]

. You need to learn how to bring down your anxiety by merely doing things rather than thinking of them before you get along them. Thats is the issue. you are focusing way too much on other people and what they are thinking of you, rather than focusing on surrounding. when you are walking down the street and there are people around you, need to concentrate on the things around you rather than the people. Read the signs close to you and see the buildings, think of something positive like your favorite song or a funny movie. Always be sure you give yourself acknowledgment for things that you carry out such as getting out in public, despite having anxiety. Do this everytime! Giving credit to yourself will help! It may appear disturbing at times, because you would like to just 'get over it', but the reality is you can not. So, take things one at a time.

[Inedible]

When I am going to go into a situation that I am not entirely comfortable with, I bring someone who is.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Thanks for this. I have to laugh with you!

You know?

I was raised by a very restrictive aunt---health nut!

I have a critical voice inside my head, too.

the antidote to that?

"Billi, what do you think? Not what they think!"

anyway, I was selecting lettuce today and I had to almost say to myself, "Billi, you are buying this because you want to eat better. Bruce bought this the other night. It's okay."

You bring up a great point---why do we have to JUSTIFY?

None of anyone's business!

thanks,

Billi

Thanks!

We could drive one another crazy if we shopped together!!

[lisadawnstephenson1]

Hey...I am the same way. I don't go out of the house very much, but when I do go to public places, I am like a robot. I go get what I need and get out as quick as possible. I don't look at people or speak to them, even if I know them. I am terrified of being watched. I am afraid to say the wrong thing and look stupid. I even dodge people I know just so I won't have to speak to them. It is a terrible feeling and at times I will have panic or anxiety attacks in large places, like WalMart. Too many people. I am just afraid of people period. Don't worry you are not alone. Hang in there my friend.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by lancetrot

. You need to learn how to bring down your anxiety by merely doing things rather than thinking of them before you get along them. Thats is the issue. you are focusing way too much on other people and what they are thinking of you, rather than focusing on surrounding. when you are walking down the street and there are people around you, need to concentrate on the things around you rather than the people.

I would appreciate it if you would not tell me what I need to do, okay?

and please don't criticize my thinking.

I need to think about what I am dealing with!

Then act.

Just the way I need to do it.

Thank you for trying to help.

when someone identifies with me rather than telling me what i need to do, I can accept help better, okay?

I guess you are telling me what YOU do to help yourself, right?

That's fine.

Whatever works for each and every one of us.

Billi