Just need a destraction

Hi all,

I'm on the bus right now and I'm trying not to freely out. Ive been out all day today for therapy and visiting a friend and I just keep getting more and more fidgety. I have a nervouse habit that turns into slight SI and so I've bitten the inside of my cheek and even though I know I look like a freak the pain helps me zone out.

I'm really not sure if I'm going to post this or not, but I really need a destraction. I know I don't have much further to go but right now it seem like forever. I don't like when I get like this and I wish I could be like I was before. I use to love public transit and I use to do my homework on the subway. It use to calm me down and now I'm all wound up. Being on the subway sucked. I felt so traped and there was this woman and I swear she hated me. She looked so sad so I smiled at her and then she just glaired at me. I ended up staring at my bag the whole ride because I felt like I'd done something wrong!

Okay, breathing. I'm almost home. Im trying really hard not to bite my cheek. It's really hard to break habits like these. It's like quitting smoking whiled constantly having a lit smoke in your hand.

Home oh my god thank you!!

Okay, I'm home and safe. I'm still shaking... frack, that was really not fun. Still isn't fun. Thank you for letting me rant that out... okay, I'm going to breath for a while and try and calm down. Might have a smoke and a bath. Why does that have to happen!?

Also sorry for any bad spelling above. the spellcheck doesn't really work on my phone on the internet and I have really bad spelling.

Okay, I need to calm down and breath...

Okay, so my room mate and her girlfriend ended up coming home, and her girlfriend ended up calming me down and talking me through it. No cig needed. I'm better now.

Thanks to any who have been listening.

Good news! No cig and you left your cheek alone! I can absolutely relate to your quote about quitting smoking with one lit in your mouth. I bit my nails and fingers. Is there anything the girlfriend did to calm you down that you can remember for next time?

She sat me down in the kitchen (one of my favorite spots to freak out), and Just talked me through it while running her hands over my shoulders and arms lightly. She does a lot of energy work, so I think she was doing that, as well before she started she told me to concentrate all of my negative feelings into my hands as she held them, and to let her start taking them away. When I had hugged my room mate she had been playing with my hair (yay hat head!) while I cried against my room mate.

She told me that I needed to focus on the fear and anxiety, and to isolate it, then throw it out. She told me some of the stuff she's been going through in concealing and stayed with me till I was calm again. Then I made tea and we looked through a book of hers about gemstones.

Oh wow- that sounds really cool
Can you ask her about ideas that she might know of that will work when she isn't there?

Sure! I don't know what time she'll be around next, but I'll get back to you on that.