Husband just got suspended from his job

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LMo said:
Things really haven't gotten any better. I was out of town last week and even though I had prepared my H's tax returns, he didn't mail them on Monday and spent the rest of the week beating himself up about it. He didn't answer the phone, didn't respond to my emails, and basically didn't do anything while I was gone...

It's just such a self-defeating way of operating -- the more he avoids, the worse he feels, then stuff piles up and he feels overwhelmed, so he avoids... and the cycle continues...

...am resigned to the fact that I might be looking at supporting a highly intelligent, grown man for the rest of my life.

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*HUGS*

I don't know if this will be helpful at all. You are very aware of how your husband is likely feeling...and it's so wonderful that your love for him is so strong. (And I suspect vice versa )

When I am hit with a major depression - how you describe your husband above is almost exactly how I behave. When I'm well and look back on it, I wonder WHY???

This time around I've been a lot better about moving ahead again than I have in the past. I'm single and live alone, so my mother is my main support system and she has generally lived anywhere from 1-2 hours away.

I've gone through the times of not returning her phone messages and then unplugging the phone so I didn't even know when she called. I honestly can't explain it. I love my mother so much and I know she was so scared when she couldn't contact me. She would come and stay with me for a week at a time when her own home and husband needed her. I feel so ashamed now when I look back...but I absolutely "couldn't" do what I knew to do...and then, like your husband, felt so guilty and bad about it...that I just retreated and hid out more.

Stuff piling up still scares me and it's worse when I'm ill.

I feel horrible that at this time in my life, there are many times when I can't work or can't meet my bills and my mother steps in. Most/many women my age are helping their parents.

This doesn't make your situation better, hon. And I hope it doesn't make you more discouraged. Just hoping sharing the view from this side helps a bit. Depression seems to have very similar characteristics.

I'm trying to think what helped...I'll think on that and post again if I do. I'm very compliant with meds and meeting with my pdoc so I think pretty much the depression just ran its course.

My prayers are with you and your husband. This situation is so painful...from both sides.

*HUGS* again....

excellent post, A!!! i've been exactly like that. and it happens a lot more than i care to admit. xoxox pat so, i do understand where S is right now.

Azalysa - thank you so much for sharing this. After the last MDE, my H made a really good recovery thanks to meds and an awesome T. However, he still wasn't able or willing to shed light on what was going through him when he was depressed... he didn't want to re-open that painful chapter of his life. So, while I am aware of what he is feeling (thank you for acknowledging that, btw), I can't say I really understand it. I know that he gets paralyzed, and I truly believe that if he had any emotional/mental power to get himself out of that state, he would. This is in contrast to my parents and some friends who have dismissed the whole situation and thinks he's lazy. I KNOW he's not lazy - but he gets really STUCK and can't get himself out.

It seems SO EASY from the outside to make a list of steps to get him back on track, but the missing factor is his emotional energy to believe any of it will help. Fortunately, he hasn't said "what's the point?" yet, but that was his catchphrase for a few years during his last MDE. I dread hearing those words now...

I am grateful that he's compliant with his meds and (generally) seeing our T. Also grateful that he doesn't self-medicate with alcohol -- if anything, he loses interest in it. I'm grateful that he is generally handling the situation well and although has had some bad days (some consecutive, unfortunately), he has been busy working on building us a beautiful new fence -- a project like that was inconceivable during his last MDE. So, this tells me that he's not feeling hopeless and incapable. For that, I'm truly grateful. He went to T by himself last night (I couldn't get out of work in time) and at dinner he told me that today he is planning to take care of his COBRA insurance and to file for unemployment. I am grateful for that, as well, although I'm not getting my hopes up that he'll follow through.

Well, I'm off to work. I'm grateful that it's a sunny day and that I can ride my bike to my client site. And I'm grateful that there are kind members of PC, like you and everyone else who supported me in this post and via PM. Thank you all

{{{{{{Pat & LMo}}}}}}}