Husband just got suspended from his job

Ok, now normally this would have thrown me into an anxious frenzy, but for some reason, I am feeling really good about things.

Some background: I found this forum about 3 years ago, after about a year and a half of my husband being severely, paralytically depressed. I was incredibly stressed out at the time -- worrying so much that he was suicidal, not knowing how to help him, fearing for our future together. It took him a few years to even *think* about looking for a job, and his social anxiety was completely in the way of him ever calling or sending in a resume. I'm now kind of ashamed to say this, but I ended up finding the job he now has, and made him sit next to me as I typed his cover letter and emailed his resume. He got the job and that's when his recovery really started happening (in addition to me dragging him to therapy every week and begging him to consider meds). He has been at this job for about 2 years now, and although with his intellect I felt that he was underachieving by staying at this particular job, I was just grateful that he at least felt better. He has always, unfortunately, been an underachiever, although I hate that label. This is something he has worked hard on in therapy, and it always comes down to fear of failure and social anxiety. I know this about him but I love him all the same, and again, I have just been grateful that he hasn't been depressed.

He was additionally diagnosed a year ago with ADD. It took him a while to get onto medication, and then even longer to get the prescription refilled and eventually to be reevaluated for a higher dose. The mental health department at his hospital said that it is typical of people with ADD, so they weren't suprised but nonetheless they legally couldn't let me make appointments for him. I understood that completely, but it was frustrating because the process dragged on and on for months. He is now on a much higher dose of Strattera, and has been for about a month.

Ok, enough background - now I can get to my point.

On Friday, his boss told him that he is changing the schedule such that my husband's days off are Sunday and Monday. This is AWFUL for our personal life, as we have made weekend plans which included flights out of town for the next few months. However, those details can be worked out -- the problem is that there was no discussion about it; my husband learned this via a mandate rather than coordination. He was irritated, but we talked at length and he decided he was going to approach his boss to negotiate a solution. We went over the options he would present (Plan A through Plan D) and they all seemed reasonable and took into consideration his boss's needs.

Well, he came back today after talking to his boss. His boss apparently became furious that my husband was daring to attempt to negotiate with him, and took the keys to the shop back and told my husband to take the next 3 weeks off (unpaid) to think about his "place" in the company. My H (as he tells it, anyway, but I believe him) kept his composure the entire time, and even shook hands with his boss before leaving, offering "no hard feelings". He is now effectively out of a job, although the "agreement" is that he would return to work in 3 weeks for the same amount of money he is getting now (which isn't much). The implicit assumption is that his boss will be searching for a replacement in the meantime. He said his boss was in tears of frustration when he left.

And this is what I'm happy about. My H stood up for himself. He did the best job he could during the negotiation, even though the results were not what he hoped for or expected. He did a good job, and is proud of himself for how he handled the situation. He is out on a bike ride now, instead of retreating to bed (his usual MO when he feels bad). And, he was working on a business plan to start a new company when I came home today and found all of this out.

We've come such a long way, he and I. This would have been a huge emotional setback for him if it had happened two years ago. And on my part -- well, I don't know if I could have handled the prospect of him losing his job. He doesn't have a college degree or any widely marketable skills. However, what he does have now is confidence in himself, and I think that's all I needed to see. I don't feel like I have to pick up the slack -- I had almost resigned myself to that role for life with him. I can't believe I'm not having a heart attack about all of this but it's just the opposite -- I'm PROUD of him. SO PROUD. I feel hope for our future, that the man I always thought he was is emerging.

Anyway, I couldn't figure out the best forum for this post. It could have been ADD, or Depression, or Caregiving, or General. But the part that feels best about this whole situation is the LACK of anxiety that I feel and that he seems to feel. I never thought that anxiety would leave either one of us, although it manifests itself in completely different ways.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening.

YAY!! I am proud for you both. This definitely brings some encouragement for me, as well, hearing about the big changes in your husband, and his steps forward.

(((((((((((((((((((LMo))))))))))))))))))))))

wonderful story...wonderful care.

i know it will work out for the best, however it works out.

love,

kd

Beautiful story and I fully hear ya, how wonderful!

Good going Hubby!

Magnificent, simply magnificent! I am so proud of the two of you! I told you last week that he was okay!!!!!! And look at HIM.....and YOU.....If I could I'd just have a group hug with the two of you!!!! Love, Pat

Thanks guys! It's totally crazy that I'm celebrating the fact that he just got suspended from his job without pay! And I'm sure if I told this story to a stranger, they'd think I was nuts.

But the fact is that he is dealing with it head-on and rationally, he stuck up for himself, and I'm not a panicky mess! I find this to be amazing. If you told me a year ago that he would be without a job and we're both feeling POSITIVE about it, I never would have believed you -- it would have felt catastrophic to us both, because the recovery from it would have felt so daunting!

Yay!

LMo,

I wanted to thank you for sharing your story about you and your husband struggles and where you are today. It is very encouraging and I applaud you for sticking with your husband through a very difficult period of time in his life. Not everyone would have done that. I think that is a true testament to your strenght and love for one another.

In addition, I am proud of your hubby too. Those of us with depression and anxiety issues find it extremely difficult to set boundaries and/or make our feelings known for various fears. Even though the outcome here was not a positive one, he did stand his ground and didnt let someone walk all over him.

I think this is cause for celebration for the both of you. And remember, things happen for a reason. Perhaps this is the beginning of better things to come.

Take care.

Jen

Hi LMO -

I, too, would like to congradulate both of you for handlig this so well.. I must admit I would not be so 'kind' so to speak; then again, I'm so used to getting fired for attendance problems that it doesn't really phase me much anymore!! Also, being an employer myself at one time, I had to get pretty used to Labour laws...

I want to offer you a piece of advice from my experiences w/job losses... First, if your husband has been at this job for longer than 12 months (i can't tell from the post unless I read it too fast), he is entitled to FMLA leave. This protects his job, due to a medical condition, to where the employer MUST 'reserve' his position for up to 12 weeks. The downfall to this, unfortunately, is that being paid for the time off is not prescribed under the law.

While this may not help the lack of $$ coming in right now, he could use this to ensure he has a job to return to. For more information on this, you can go to this link: http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/ . This will provide you with the whole kit & kaboodle on Family/medical Leave Act.

Hope this helps and again, despite the circumstances, I commend the both of you If you need anything else, just let me know!! ~Niko

LMo, your story was very inspiring. Your love and support for your husband shines through.

Thank you for sharing this.

(((((((((((((((LMo & Hubby )))))))))))))))))

I am so proud of both of you. It sounds like with your help, your husband has grown and grown. You have done a wonderful job of nurturing your husband through horrible times and helped him become a brand new person. I sincerely congratulate both of you.

The boss sounds like a fiend. He is definately in need of therapy.

I am so proud of you for the reaction you are having and proud of hubby for his reaction, too.

ASMC,

Jan

what a wonderful story of support and love.
Good luck to you both

LMo,

Good for Mr. LMo! He does'nt deserve to be treated like that! And he realised that too.

I'm so pleased for you both. On to the next challenge ay?

LMo,

Good for Mr. LMo! He does'nt deserve to be treated like that! And he realised that too.

I'm so pleased for you both. On to the next challenge ay?

spoke too soon. he crashed hard

spoke too soon. he crashed hard

Once I had this ultimately annoying therapist who tended to harp on one theme: that growth happens not as a straight incline but as a bumpy ride, some ups and downs, progress eventually. He is right, much as I didn't want to hear it.

You are in our thoughts and we'll hold umbrellas for you during the storms.

Once I had this ultimately annoying therapist who tended to harp on one theme: that growth happens not as a straight incline but as a bumpy ride, some ups and downs, progress eventually. He is right, much as I didn't want to hear it.

You are in our thoughts and we'll hold umbrellas for you during the storms.

So sorry sweetie!

So sorry sweetie!

{{{{{{Mr. & Mrs. LMo}}}}}}}

I'm sorry about the crash...but I think this says it all:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
However, what he does have now is confidence in himself

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{{{{{{Mr. & Mrs. LMo}}}}}}}

I'm sorry about the crash...but I think this says it all:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
However, what he does have now is confidence in himself

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">