Angry

I came across a post yesterday that angered me. It pretty much confirmed that people truely dont understand the magnatude of depression and anxiety. I thought that being a member here, we could share our thoughts, feelings, fears, and whatever else and not be judged or told we are all "Drama Queens" or what ever.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 19 years old. As such I have had my times when it is hard to get out of bed and I have had times where I felt well enough to push through it all and continue on with my day to day life. However, a little over a year ago, I hit a point in which my mental illness prevented me leaving my home, interacting with my family and friends. It was the MOST difficult time in my adult life and left me feeling alone, afraid and ready to die.

Durning that painful time, I was fortunate to find PC and speak with people who truely understood me. People here didnt judge me or make me feel like an outcast. I was having a terrible time. I had to quit my job and basically re-learn how to be me. I know that sounds confusing but that is the only way I can explain it.

Its been 15 1/2 months since my lowest point. It took me months to feel comfortable enough to leave my home. Months to look at my husband and children without shame. I felt like my whole life was taken from me. I hated me, hated what had become of me and no matter how hard I tried I couldnt get away from it.

Like I said, over time, seeing my T, taking my meds and speaking with others who experienced the same I slowley began to get to a point where I felt somewhat like myself, but only better. I spent months reaquainting myself with me, my husband and my children and getting a better understanding of my illness in every capacity. I learned that I am capable of being loved, even if I make mistakes. I still have a hard time with that one.

Anyway, to have someone come and make a post minimizing mental illness as a whole and making me feel like an outcast again after all of the hard work I have accomplished angers me. It hurts me to know that even people here on PC can be so insensative and judgmental towards mental illness, even after reading soome of the posts here. How people struggle everyday of their lives. It sickens me.

I am fortunate enough to have recently gone back to work but it took several months and a long distance move to another state to finally realize what direction I want my life to go in. I keep my goals within reach and never expect to much from myself.

Its not something that we can "snap out of". Beleive me, if we could, I bet every single one of us would do it in a heart beat.

I needed to vent about this and thanks for listening.

i am so sorry that someones post upset you....those of us who know you.....know all you have been through and how hard your fight has been and yet you have accomplished so much.....there are always going to be those few who just don't understand what we go through day to day......and worse yet some don't even try to understand.....but you have so many friends here.....they are all that matters.....

{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't think it's always easy for everyone to understand that our illnesses don't act the same way for all of us. We are all different individuals and react in different ways. The great thing about coming here to PC and reading your story and others like yours is that it gives hope and ideas to help overcome our problems and move forward. You are an inspriation to me. We all just have to remember to be supportive of each other because dealing with what we do on a day to day basis isn't easy. Thank you for your support, empathy,understanding and inspiration.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Julia))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you, both of you for your continued support and understanding.

I speak for all of us here, who struggle everyday. Weather we struggle over big things, or small things we all struggle to keep our head above water. Karen, your right, our illnesses to act in different ways and perhaps that is what angered me about that particular post, that we were all lumped together like a "one size fits all" garment. One size doesnt fit all. People react differently to each obstacle that they face. It takes time, patience, understanding and a whole lot of work to get through this.

I just wanted to thank you for your responses.

I understand what you are saying. I saw that same post. As far as I could tell that thread was an opinion type thread not focused on anyone here. There is a difference in drama queens- those using disorders for attention and so on vs those that truly cannot funtion with a mental disorder. I myself participated in that thread by comparing myself to a neighbor who was very funtional but using her mental disorder for not taking care of her children and self by day and being in situations voluntarily that which she claimed by day she was unable to do and funtioning completely normal at and by night.

Sometimes such opinion type posts are posted here and sometimes people here end up taking them personally in which case the thread is removed by the moderators.

When I went to check on that thread I could not find it which means the drama queen type thread discussions are not allowed. and no further discussions about that thread and its contents are allowed.

I can say without breaking any rules that I personally found no problem with it and could relate to it without taking it personally but that thread is now gone once a thread has been removed that means no more discussions about or on that thread so I can not discuss this any further which means I cannot participate in this thread as a member here.

Myself,

Well put. I also participated in the thread to voice my opinion. After realizing that I am feeling more hurt then angry, I decided to take the matter up in PM.

I do not like to be lumped into a one size fits all, as I said above.

Thank you for your response.

You're welcome - love the avitar by the way.

JMO, I have been in your shoes, still am I suppose. I am sorry that the post hit you like that. It is important for you to look behind you and see what you've accomplished. No one can minimize you or your life. I suspect you still have feelings of guilt and shame and that post sure stirred them up. Know that you are doing as well as you possibly can and hang in here with us okay?

I liked the thread it fit many people in REAL LIFE AND WAS NOT aimed at YOU or PC posters IF you had read it AS IT WAS WRITTEN <--NOT yelling just highlighting....I for one will miss it ....I dont understand how this topic can be discussed and the title used when it was taken down.. Why do you think you took it personally ..I didnt and I don't work ..sigh

It makes me angry too when people don't understand and I feel like no one can help me. That I will be left to suffer with no one at all who understands or cares. Life really is so hard sometimes. Today I slep[t all day but I know there would be lots of people who would say, just snap out of it and stop being so lazy or whatever. They have no idea what it's like to suffer and I get angry.

Hi Jen,

Reading your post, I have just realised how much your posts have changed over the time since we have been here. You have gradually become stronger, and more able to ride the ups and downs, just as I hope I have.

It has taken a long time, and there will probably be some pitfalls for us in the future, but when I read your posts these days I feel that I am reading someone who has grown in many ways, and coped with some of the hardest experiences that come to people in this life.

I have had a few heavy 3d experiences, which would have terrified most people, but they were nothing at all compared to the anxiety that comes from within me, nothing at all.

I believe that if we were able to give a regular person a full blown panic attack, we would see them break down right in front of us, because that is what a panic attack is, a complete loss of control in the experience of raw fear. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, even as a learning experience!

Nowadays, I believe that we just can't expect people to understand what they don't know, cos they don't know about it.

When I was a union rep, I used to interview people who were in danger of losing their jobs. A person night have been cocky and confident one day, but when their name went on that redundancy list they deflated like limp balloons. It's just a fact of life life that most people don't worry until it's happening to them, and then it's a completely different story of course.

That's life.

Good thoughts, M (fellow warrior!)