[AngelwithOCD]

I'm not sure if I should be posting this here, or under the relationship topic. This may trigger some people, so if you are easily triggered, you may want to stop reading this now.
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I was online last night, playing games, replying to posts, and just relaxing when I heard something that sounded like metal hitting my front door. I looked around, thinking that it was probably just my cats playing around, but they were both asleep in their beds beside me. I began to get scared, thinking that someone was trying to break in. I went to the door, flipped on the outside light and looked out the window. There stood my way-past-drunk little brother.

Let me give you a little history before I continue with the story. My brother is staying with us until he gets on his feet; he has been here since August. The agreement we had when he moved in that he would pay us $50.00 dollars a month rent, and that would include all of his ultilities, food, laundry, housekeeping, long distance, and his bedroom.

He knows that I do not like it when he comes in drunk, because it really makes me nervous. Part of the reason that I am nervous is becuase I am afraid that he is going to vomit. I am terrified of someone vommitting. I don't know why, I can't explain it, I just am. I have asked him before that if he is going to be drunk, please stay at a friend's house for the night.

He has come home drunk before, and woken me up by jumping on my bed, he has come in a nd demanded that I cook him something to eat (he got louder and louder until I agreed to do it), and he has brought people in here after I have asked him not to do that when I am asleep, because it makes me feel unsafe. He came hoem one night and decided that he wanted someone to talk to, so he poured hot water on me when I was asleep to wake me up. My husband works third shift so he is not home when this happens.

Okay, back to the situation at hand....

Last night, I let my brother in at a little past midnight, and he was more drunk than I have ever seen him. He was so drunk that I had to help him walk. I took him upstairs to his room, and right as I was putting him in bed he started to gag. I AM TERRIFIED OF VOMIT!!!!!! I had to drag him quickly to the bathroom and hold him over the toilet. I was hyperventalating and felt as though I was having a heart attack. When he was done, I washed his face and put him in bed. I went downstairs, crying my eyes out and trying to get my nerves under control. The story doesn't end there.......

As I am downstairs trying to gather my wits and determine whether or not I should call an ambulance for his level of intoxication, I hear something break upstairs. I got to the stairs just in time to see my brother comming downstairs. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied "I'm comming to see you." I begged him please please please please I cannot handle this.....just go to bed. He then chased me into the living room and yelled at me telling me to shut up, that I was crazy and should be locked up somewhere because I panic about everything. He then stumbled to the couch, fell on to it and passed out.

I took all of my meds (I suspect he has taken some of them before) and my cats and everything else that I would need for the night upstairs and locked myself in my room with the fan and tv on so that I couldn't hear him if he tried to wake me up. I couldn't sleep though. I kept worrying about him. So I went back down to the couch and turned him on his side so that he wouldn't choke if he vomitted, and then retreated back to my room.

When my husband got home and found out, he was mad as hell. He wanted to tell him that he is going to have to find another place to live. I wouldn't let him, though because my nerves cannot take the two of them getting into a fight. I am torn because he is my brother and I love him, and I feel horrible about this, but I want him to find another place to live as well. I can't take anymore of the stress that he causes. Here are my questions:

Should I feel bad for wanting him to move out?

Am I a bad sister because I want him to move?

Am I wrong for thinking that I should not be confined to my bedroom from fear that he causes..in my own home?

If I should ask him to move out, what is a peaceful way to do it?

I'm sorry this post is so long, I have been worried about this all day long. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks,
Angel

Should I feel bad for wanting him to move out? NO..

Am I a bad sister because I want him to move? NO..

Am I wrong for thinking that I should not be confined to my bedroom from fear that he causes..in my own home? NO....

i'm with your husband on this one. this person is tearing your life apart and causing you fear and stress. do you want to live like this any longer?

if he is old enough to buy alcohol, then he's old enough to live somewhere else and pay rent and utilities. he has the sweetest deal that i've ever heard of at your house....the only deal sweeter would be his not paying ANY rent.

and here's the kicker....as long as he gets by with all of this, you're enabling his behavior. and he won't have to change his lifestyle at all......

do you want a responsible and sober little brother? point him in the direction of a recovery group and change your locks.

you're a very good person and don't deserve this......good luck and keep posting and keep PC updated on your progress. xoxoxo pat

Hi Angela. You’re not a bad person wanting him to move out. It is natural to feel guilty as he is your brother. But he is clearly abusing his ‘privileges’ by showing a blatant lack of respect while living in your and your husband’s house. SO, it is not all right that you have to hide in your bedroom because of his erratic behaviour.

I think both you and your husband (presenting a united front) should have a frank talk with your brother. Non confrontational but firm nevertheless. Of course, you will couch it as you both deem fit, but basically tell him that this behaviour is not acceptable. You should *not* be afraid in your own house. And basically if he does not want to sort himself out and/or be more respectful, it might be best for him to find a job (where does he get the money to go on drinking binges?) or move in with a friend until he is sorted.

[Rhapsody]

For your own safety I would say you and your husband should have him move out.... for no one can help your brother until he is ready to stop this behavior.
You should not have to suffer along with him, nor should you have to hold onto fear for your brothers anger or possible violent outbreak when he is drunk.

IMO - your brother needs to seek help for the wounds that he is using alcohol to cover up.

BTW - YOU are being a good and supportive sister.... as best as you can right now.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

[Maven]

Yeah, what they said!

There is no reason to tolerate this kind of behavior. It doesn't make you a bad sister to say, "Hey, I don't deserve this, and you need to grow up and be responsible for yourself!" Kick his butt out, and if he comes to your home drunk, banging on the door, or whatever, call the police! Yes, I'm serious. You're not a bad sister if he's acting crazy and possibly dangerous, and you call the police. Give him resources to get help, and that's all you can do. It's up to him, not you, to take care of himself.

[AngelwithOCD]

Thank you all for all of your support. My husband and I have decided that we are going to tell him that he needs to return the key that he has to our house and find a new place to live. I really appreciate all of your support, as this is really, really hard on me. Even as I write this, I am crying, because although I know it is the right decision, he is my little brother, and I love him.

Thank you again!

Angel

Good decision. Be strong. Hugs to you.