[Amalthea1978]

Hi! One of my co-workers has recently shared with me that he is having some problems with anxiety. I'm just wondering if there are any ways I can help relieve some stress/tension/anxiety without really making a big deal out of it. Also, I find now that I'm feeling guilty about "venting" my own work frustrations - we both do, but now I worry that I'm making things worse for him. I wonder if I should keep my own problems to myself more. Can you guys give me any suggestions or advice? Thanks!

[leonard99]

I think listening and supporting can help out a lot! W/regards to burdening, I think if you are keeping it somewhat balanced you are good. Most of my relationships that are reciprocal seem to work out well.

Originally Posted by Amalthea1978

Hi! One of my co-workers has recently shared with me that he is having some problems with anxiety. I'm just wondering if there are any ways I can help relieve some stress/tension/anxiety without really making a big deal out of it. Also, I find now that I'm feeling guilty about "venting" my own work frustrations - we both do, but now I worry that I'm making things worse for him. I wonder if I should keep my own problems to myself more. Can you guys give me any suggestions or advice? Thanks!

[Amalthea1978]

Okay, so I see that I'm getting alot of views but no responses, so let me be more specific and maybe some of you will have some insight for me. I don't necessarily know when someone is experiencing anxiety, but I can tell when he's frustrated. To be honest, we're usually both frustrated about the same thing. Normally we talk about it and vent, but I'm wondering if that is actually helpful or harmful. Would it be more helpful to change the subject? For me to express less frustration myself? I'm not looking to be anyone's therapist, I just would like to know that my reactions are helpful rather than making the problem worse. I figured that you guys who struggle with anxiety might be able to tell me what's helpful and unhelpful for you. And I know that what works for some people might not work for others. I appreciate any help. Thanks!

[Odee]

Don't hold back on your venting -- it is your right to seek comfort as much as he does. It's very bad for you and a relationship to allow your problems to pile trying to help someone else.

I would say the best thing to do is to ask him, be understanding and/or non-judgmental. Let him know you care and will listen. Take him seriously. I would say the biggest thing is to just not apply pressure or get angry at him -- it's terrifying to anxiety folks.

As someone who has suffered major issues with anxiety for half my life, I understand how your co-worker is feeling. I'm no longer as anxious as I was in the past thanks to the right meds and being a little more confident.

Anyways, keep this to yourself. Don't tell anyone about his issues. Be there for him when he needs you. I agree with what was written above. Don't hold in all your frustrations for his benefit. If you do, you'll probably start to feel resentful. Perhaps you can kindly tell him that seeking therapy might help him with his issues.

Be sure to also say that you'll always be there for him and give him your email and number in case you haven't done that already so that he won't think that you're trying to get rid of him by asking him to see a therapist. Ask him if he ever took meds before for this.

If not, encourage him to take some psychiatric meds for anxiety. I'm currently on paxil and valium. Tell him to stay away from valium though as most Drs. no longer prescribe it since it's hard to get off. Make sure that you say that at a time when he's not anxious. Us anxious people tend to worry too much as it is.

[Amalthea1978]

Thanks for the great advice! Saying that I shouldn't hold in my own frustrations makes me feel a little bit better, that hopefully I haven't been compounding the problem.

I would never tell anyone else his private business. But I think he knows that, otherwise he probably wouldn't tell me anything in the first place.

I do know he is already getting some professional help. As far as medication goes, I'm really not sure.

I'm really more concerned about my reactions, and how to be sensitive and helpful without coming off as overly so, if that makes any sense.

Thanks so much, and I'm happy to hear that you don't have as much anxiety as in the past

[Amalthea1978]

Thanks Odee! Somehow I didn't see your post when I tried to respond before. I'm not sure what's up with the forum, it has me a little confused...I think maybe because I'm a new member my posts have to be approved before they're posted. I guess if that's true then you won't see this one for a while either

But thanks, your reply is really helpful as well. I guess I just don't want to bring it up or make a big deal about it, but he's pretty open, at least to me. Maybe I'll wait until the next time he brings up the subject to let him know I'm willing to listen if he needs it.

And pressure or anger shouldn't be problems, I'm not the "angry" type

[BLUEDOVE]

I must applaud your concern for your workmate.
There a very few who would make the effort you
are making. I would somehow drop it to him in a
casual manner that you are not the type who likes
to criticize people.Congratulations on being a decent human-being!
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE

[Miswimmy1]

I think listening is the best way to support someone with anxiety. For me, its hard when people seem to disregard my feelings as irrational, or paranoid. Just listening and being supportive and empathetic can go a long way.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Amalthea1978

To be honest, we're usually both frustrated about the same thing. Normally we talk about it and vent, but I'm wondering if that is actually helpful or harmful. Would it be more helpful to change the subject? For me to express less frustration myself? I'm not looking to be anyone's therapist, I just would like to know that my reactions are helpful rather than making the problem worse.

Personally, venting or listening to others vent does not increase my anxiety. Actually, being able to vent or talk over my frustrations with someone who is experiencing the same thing helps to normalize the experience and relieve some anxiety. Changing the subject often feels dismissive and can make me more anxious (like "they don't want to hear what I'm saying" or "I'm wrong").

Some of the things I appreciate from my own friends who know of my anxiety are just the little things they do - reminding me to breathe; giving me space when I need it; acknowledging that something is making me anxious, even if they don't understand it; etc. I had one friend come up to me and just say "breathe" and it was the most helpful thing they could have done at that time. Also, having friends ask if I need some space or need to get away for a second and then providing me a route to do that is a big help.