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#1
Nov 22, 2013, 11:11 PM
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Thinking of the things that most commonly are considered. when defining a person as a. whole I find myself at a loss. I am everything, I am nothing. I am relevant, yet insignificant. I am stable as I'm falling. Who I am is not definable, consistent, or even reality. The only thing that I am certain of is that I am. I cannot be who I'm expected to be. I will not again. be who I used to be. And I live in fear of who I will be when the present is only a faded memory of a time of having a idea of sanity within reach. I can tell you only that I am sad. I am broken, I am empty. I don't know who I am . I suppose my question is do you know who you are? If so, I'd welcome you to tell me who you are & possibly enlighten me so I may decide who I am or if I even "am" at all. So lost in a world that doesn't. want me.
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. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#2
Nov 23, 2013, 02:29 AM
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But you and I do exist. We have an identity. We just over think things when should just be. I love to life happy knowing what I want and who I am. I hope it will come for you. |
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#3
Nov 23, 2013, 05:08 AM
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It's good that u are happy. I am 37 & I am not happy at all, nor do I truly believe knowing the answer will make me happy. I just think it would be more satisfying to be somebody rather than just to be. If you asked that question to those closest to me they would all have answers. Unfortunately, all their answers would be different. I am who I need to be as suited to the situation. But, I am truly none of them. Maybe I'm afraid to look deep enough into my soul. Once you know the truth it cannot be unlearned. If I reach inside & pull out a monster, it can never be put back. Or maybe the fear is there will be nothing. And I am truly no one at all. How sad to be nothing.
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. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#4
Nov 23, 2013, 05:38 AM
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I have many identities. I think that is just as bad.
Do people really have one steady true identity? I have such a hard time imagining that so I sort of think they don't and they are just pretending.
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#5
Nov 23, 2013, 06:17 PM
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I've reinvented myself many, many times over the years. I had an unknown compulsion to keep changing things in my life and it usually cost me greatly deal both financially and personally to do so, yet I just had to keep changing.
In a moment of clarity (or perhaps madness) a couple of weeks ago, I began to see how my life had ended up as it has and it came as a bit of a shock. That's when I decided to reach out for help. Maybe it's too late and I strongly suspect that I'm not going to enjoy the ride for awhile, but nothing ventured, nothing gained 
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#6
Nov 23, 2013, 07:44 PM
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I totally get that. I have been so many people for as long as I can remember. Constantly adapting myself to my surroundings & manipulating others to meet my needs. It has proven to be a survival skill that my world requires. So maybe I am all of them & none of them. I wonder who will remember me when I'm gone, so afraid of insignificance. I want to leave behind something that made me special, gave some meaning to what feels like a pointless life. I want the world to be different because I existed. Sounds so self absorbed I know. But I think everyone wants to matter. Justify their lives & be known. I suppose that's not for us to decide. I hope I don't come across as desperate, even if I am a little.
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. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#7
Nov 24, 2013, 08:55 PM
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As for leaving a mark, well I did have two children who have in turn had children, so in at least one way I've "left my mark." In hindsight I probably shouldn't have had kids when I did. It was just another attempt to "normalize" me, to have a role to play that felt important (not that it wasn't important) but I did it for all the wrong reasons. If you're still young, you have plenty of time to fulfil your dreams. Accepting your problems are not going to go away on their own is a big step to forging a life you can be proud of. All the very best, Rose. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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