[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Even if I'm just recording something for people online, I struggle with the anxiety, and it causes me to screw up something chronic. Air on G String on the acoustic guitar, is something that takes considerable accuracy and concentration, but I keep ballsing it up almost every time I go to record it. :\

I made only one decent recording, just now, but the camera was in the wrong place! Thoroughly pissed off (more like: very angry, with myself) with my stupid ****ing brain, right now. Please tell me I'm not the only one here who struggles with anxiety issues that seep out into their music.

Having OCD ("perfectionism") is not exactly doing me any favors, either! I hear a mistake and it feels like something huge and noticeable, that I'll be judged by that one mistake, and then it makes me feel like that piece I played/recorded is worthless. People often tell me they don't notice, but I notice, and that's enough for me.

My anxiety is why I left a band some years ago, and have turned down any other opportunities - I can't even consistently record something properly, without getting really anxious and ballsing things up, so going on stage, or performing in-front of a smaller crowd, is hardly an option.

I can hear every single mistake that I make; it resounds so clearly in my ears and it gets on my nerves. I forget to breathe, my chest gets tighter, heart-palpitations, and so on, are possible. All I can think about is, "don't screw up" and "when's the next screw-up?" It's more like an obsession, sometimes.

[gayleggg]

I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but you have to get your breathing under contol. That will help keep the anxiety down. Can''t say much about fixing perfectionism, since I have a touch of that myself.

I would suggest breathing exercises in between tapings and some stretchs to relieve the tension somewhat. Hope it helps a little.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, SORRY I'm not a musician but just a few thoughts. Firstly, it really isn't because you have a stupid ****ing brain, we KNOW that that's not a problem as you CAN do it.
It's maybe as much as your belief in yourself, your worries, your concerns, stress, anxiety holding you back and perhaps if you're a little less hard on yourself.....?
Is there any particular time/s in the day when you're feeling a little more relaxed or any particular places which you could use for music/recording that may help?
Would it help not to plan the recording and just do it spontaneously in a session where you're just practicing/playing for enjoyment (whenever you feel like it) then maybe a little less pressure/stress?
But if you're recording could you do some retakes and throw in a little editing afterwards to make it as you want it?
Are you really sure you want to be doing things like Air on a G String though, from what I know that's a really hard piece, and for a perfectionist with anxiety............What are you doing to yourself?!
I know, I know..........you like...........but surely there are other genres of music you appreciate too??? And some that allow for ad lib if you feel things going off track a little. Naturally you can still love pieces like Air on a G String, but sometimes musicians can like listening to some genres but like playing other genres can't they???
I mean, obviously try throwing in all the strategies for managing anxiety, but if it comes down to it isn't the most important thing, that you can actually enjoy/feel connectedness, fulfillment, meaning within playing. I mean music can be so powerful, you don't want to lose that for yourself at the cost of stress/anxiety in performing "perfectly" do you?
So if that's a different type of music then so be it. And there will be plenty of people who will really appreciate other genres too.
But just a thought, to help you feel/know you are more "in control" musically have you ever tutored/helped someone to learn to play?? Then you're also going to be seeing upfront, while you're automatically telling someone what to do, just what you DO know, your REAL skills, which although they ARE there you may be doubting at times right now?? Maybe find the right student???
Best wishes
Alison

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Frankbtl,

Yeah, I can be pretty hard on myself. I can do what I can, because I have been so stubborn and high-reaching for the last 10+ years. I have this mentality with a lot of things, though; it's just who I am, and I'm not sure how I'd go about changing that.

Is there any particular time/s in the day when you're feeling a little more relaxed or any particular places which you could use for music/recording that may help? ould it help not to plan the recording and just do it spontaneously in a session where you're just practicing/playing for enjoyment (whenever you feel like it) then maybe a little less pressure/stress?

I tend to just pick up the guitar, whenever; most of the time, I do things spontaneously, because of the anxiety. The more I plan things out, the more stress about them. I don't know of any times in the day when I'm more relaxed, ... I could take a load of Propranolol, then I'd be relaxed? Haha. Joke, don't worry. Actually, since I started on the Propranolol, a few weeks back, I've had a bit of an easier time, with the guitar, which tells me that if I didn't have this anxiety problem, I could reach so much higher; that's why I feel cheated, but I suppose these are the cards with which I've been dealt, and I just have to deal with that. -.-

But if you're recording could you do some retakes and throw in a little editing afterwards to make it as you want it?

Well, being a perfectionist, I do tend to record things over and over again, but there'll always be something I'm unhappy with, and given I'll be showing other people, potentially other guitarists, I feel I have to get it as bang-on as I can.

Are you really sure you want to be doing things like Air on a G String though, from what I know that's a really hard piece

It's pretty tough, I find, but there are certainly harder pieces. I've been playing for over 10 years, and Air is something I've played/learned, on and off, for a long time. I have now got the tempo down, and even this one tricky bit that usually catches me out, is getting better. The thing is, I'm not a classical guitarist, by nature, but more of a blues one. Classical is something I got into a few years back, but I got into it very quickly, because I was already playing in fingerstyle (without a plectrum).

I've been practicing a lot, even since the original post, here, and already improving. Because I have the mentality of "I must perfect this, NOW" it makes me learn very fast, but also puts a lot of pressure on myself.

but surely there are other genres of music you appreciate too???

Yeah, blues. :P I play quite a lot of blues things, and other things, like, Jack Johnson's Belle, Ain't No Sunshine, Tears in Heaven, Tears in the Rain, and so on, plus a lot of my own stuff. I improvise a lot, too.

sometimes musicians can like listening to some genres but like playing other genres can't they???

IDK about musicians in general, as I'm just one, but I suppose I like playing Air on G String (when a mic' isn't in-front of me! xD) but I can't see me playing dubstep on the guitar. :P

I mean music can be so powerful, you don't want to lose that for yourself at the cost of stress/anxiety in performing "perfectly" do you?

Yeah, but the things is, people don't want to hear someone totally botch up a piece, or so I would assume. I mostly play for myself, because I enjoy it, but there are times when I'll show friends, family, or make videos online, so I can share it about, and see what people think. I'd like to put stuff on YouTube, but I've seen some of the stuff on there - the videos and unpleasant posters - and honestly, it's very intimidating.

Oh, and as for the tutoring others: I've helped my dad, and possibly a friend or two, but that's about the size of it. I don't know if I have the patience to do it regularly, to be honest. lol Then again, my dad's a slow learner, and I've managed to teach him stuff, and keep some resemblance of patience. xD I don't know, ... maybe one day I could do something like that. I guess I could teach over Skype, so maybe one day it's something I could do, but there's already sooo much of that, online.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, you know it sounds like in lot of areas you've got your "mentality" and talents really working for you instead of having an unnecessary battle against them and losing. And you are enjoying playing which is great!!
It's maybe the "Now" factor and the "other people" factor that are holding you back a bit???
There's nothing really wrong with wanting perfection if you've got some realistic goals, but maybe recognise that they ARE achievable, you ARE going to achieve them......but just give yourself x time to get there. And make sure that's a generous timescale!! Just take off the pressure a bit.
I don't know, but would it be any easier if you had a back up "project" going on at the same time too, like learning another piece as well to give you some breaks from the intensity of concentrating on just the one piece, and if that one didn't come together that soon then maybe the second one would, still giving you a sense of achievement/perfectionism. Or would that be too much pressure???
But the "other people" one: Have you have you already been putting your own stuff or some of the blues music you enjoy online, just thinking it might be a good starting point to ease you into putting harder pieces online??
And I know it's probably really hard to believe as you're a musician and I'm guessing you've got a really good ear for perfect tone, pitch etc..but a lot of people out there really aren't going to notice the odd mistake. And if there are any "experts" out there, given the length of the tracks/pieces, then if 1%, 2% of them go wrong then their opinion is going to be so much more based on the 99%, 98% that went right. If not, then they just aren't enjoying the music "for itself", and it's a shame for them that they just haven't got the ability/feeling to do that.
I get what you mean about some of the comments on YouTube though, if you decide to do it. But a lot of the really unpleasant one's are only showing what little the poster knows, It actually says a lot more about them than the actual videos.
I'm guessing you think that some of the videos are intimidating because some are really polished?? But you know, if you look around you're going to see a lot of "amateurs"/people practicing though. And my guess is that you're going to be a lot better than those with your experience. So maybe not quite so intimidating....???
So maybe bring that enjoyment/passion out in you a bit more and "allow it to breathe".
I know that may be really hard for you sometimes, but we know you've got it in you!!
Best wishes
Alison

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Frankbtl,

I don't know, but would it be any easier if you had a back up "project" going on at the same time too, like learning another piece as well to give you some breaks from the intensity of concentrating on just the one piece, and if that one didn't come together that soon then maybe the second one would, still giving you a sense of achievement/perfectionism. Or would that be too much pressure??

I rarely learn just one thing at a time. I'm currently working on the Godfather theme tune, Air on G String, the Mario theme tune (don't ask hah) and a couple of other random bits and bobs. As long as I've got the tab' in-front of me, I don't have to worry about remembering, at least not at first, just more the "muscle-memory" part of it.

Have you have you already been putting your own stuff or some of the blues music you enjoy online, just thinking it might be a good starting point to ease you into putting harder pieces online??

I have already got a few on my Facebook page, some videos of which are public.

And if there are any "experts" out there, given the length of the tracks/pieces, then if 1%, 2% of them go wrong then their opinion is going to be so much more based on the 99%, 98% that went right.

Maybe, ... I'd like to think that way, but just look around on YouTube, and check out all the bumhats ridiculing talented musicians because they made mistakes. I know it's their problem, but there are a lot of such people, and it is still off-putting.

I'm guessing you think that some of the videos are intimidating because some are really polished??

Pretty much. There are some ludicrously talented people out there, ... more gifted. I just have about 10 years, and I'm self-taught, ... not exactly a load of music school, or whatever else those lot are lucky enough to have.

And my guess is that you're going to be a lot better than those with your experience. So maybe not quite so intimidating....???

I see what you mean, ... I hadn't thought of it like that.

EDIT: Another problem of mine, is that because I learn quickly, I often find myself looking back at videos of me not so long ago, and knowing where I went wrong and more importantly: knowing I can play it so much better, now; it just makes me want to constantly keep recording new videos. I don't want someone to judge me by something that I can now play better than the time for which they would be judging me. I know I overthink all this crap. I have no idea how I got into the habit of being so concerned about what people think of me my ability (or lack thereof), but alas, this is the way I am. -.-

[Frankbtl]

Whoah!!! You've already posted stuff on your facebook page!!! You never said that!!! Now that must take some real guts!! Good on you!!!
You know I'm definitely not sure that you're giving yourself enough credit for your achievements. Maybe a little more faith in yourself could help??

And I'm wondering if maybe you could step back a little more and enjoy the journey itself to perfecting something. I'm thinking that the actual process, step by step, to achieving something has to be pretty fulfilling in itself. Kind of like something "magical" unfolding, if that makes sense??
After all you know that you WILL get there, so why "waste"/ignore the how and the lows/highs along the way. I'd say they are really integral in the satisfaction/feeling you get when..................

As for talented musicians though, depending on the music/scope of the music you're playing, isn't it sometimes a little about what you can add/adding feeling/yourself to the song e.g. slightly lengthening/shortening notes/pauses if it feels right or how you play??? Meaning that whatever "schooling" you've had an important part still comes from within?
Not quite sure how you'd apply that to Mario though!!

BUT, I'd say you've got way more talent than you think AND FACEBOOK.................!!!!!

Alison

[Frankbtl]

Re: edit on your post (it just came up). That's OK, recording new videos, it should make you proud of how well you've done and of your talents!! As long as you're not re-recording every day!!
Perhaps keep those old videos for yourself as well, to remind you alongside the new ones of how well you've progressed/your full achievement????
Alison

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Yeah, you have a point. I focus a lot of what I haven't managed or can't do, as apposed to what I can do and have accomplished.

I just basically learned the fingerstyle Mario theme-tune in one go, in just a few hours, ... granted, I can't play it flawlessly, but I can play most of it quite well, so if that's what I'm like now, perhaps within a few days of practice, I'll have it sorted. I've also started learning the absolutely insane Big Love by Fleetwood Mac, the acoustic version; I'll probably never be able to play that like he can, but I'll for sure give it a shot, because, if anything, it's good to push my comfort-zone further out.

Looking back at my original post, I see I basically just needed practice, on or off the mic'. I can play Air on G String with much less trouble, now, but it's like I have to be able to play something even with the anxiety, so that means more practice than usual.

The videos on Facebook aren't that great, and I go through stages of hiding them; if it's not through insecurity about how I'm dressed/how I look, it's how I play the guitar. ¬_¬

I do always keep old videos of myself with the guitar - I can be very sentimental. I have some hilarious ones going years back, when I used to play the electric, and by the way, atrociously! Those were the days. -.- I see the improvements. In just one day of practicing, I can end up making huge improvements, which is both a good thing and a bad thing; I think mentioned that and why in an earlier post. xD I can't change it, though, ... my determination has gotten me too far, and I don't intend to just lay back and accept less than perfect, even if it's a ludicrous aim.

Oh, and as for putting something of myself into the pieces: well, I do tend to play things "my way", sometimes, be it a trill here and there, or a bend, or a slightly more interesting lick than the original, etc. A while back, I learned something titled "Frank's Blues" or something; no idea what it was, aside from nice, relatively simple blues in fingerstyle, so I learned that, but found some licks were kinda boring; I found a way to make them sound more interesting, at least to my ears. (actually, from that tab', came some fun improv' stuff) I assume that's what you mean.

You know I'm definitely not sure that you're giving yourself enough credit for your achievements. Maybe a little more faith in yourself could help??

My best mate and my dad sometimes tell me stuff like that - will I listen? Hell no! Haha.

By the way, thanks for taking the time to post 'n stuff.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, you've certainly got some diverse stuff you've mastered/you're mastering there!! So you've obviously got a lot more technique (?) than you may think??
Looked up Big Love for a reminder on YouTube though Good choice (!!) but I'm not sure you need to be playing it just like that anyway, sounds like the kind of thing you can add a bit of your style/a little improv to once you've got it- I'm sure you'll blow it out the water!!!
And the videos on Facebook maybe aren't that great to you but let's face it maybe you're your own worst critic at times??? And a lot of it is about style and that "personal touch" so to someone else.............So don't hide them!! You're clearly "in touch" with the music and that's got to come through (although still not sure where Mario fits into that ). AND like you said when you "improve" that's got to stand out so much as well.
PLUS major talent playing anyway, don't forget that!!
And nothing wrong with pushing the boundaries a bit, as long as you give yourself credit for how far you actually have been/are already doing that. So maybe give yourself just that little bit more "breathing space" at times??

SO: "My best mate and my dad sometimes tell me stuff like that - will I listen? Hell no! Haha."

NOW, that's now ME, your BEST MATE and your DAD all telling you stuff like that. I'd say time to listen just a little!!!

Alison

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I guess it's just something I'll try to work on, but I doubt I'll be changing, anytime soon. xD The thing is, I'd rather be like this, than one of those arrogant musicians that have no respect for what they do; I've met people like that, and there's just no way in hell I wanna be that way.

The Mario theme tune is basically from Super Mario Brothers, and is in fingerstyle; it's quite classical, IMO, and not all that simple. If you forget, for a moment, that it's Mario, a game, it's actually quite a kewl piece of music. Besides, Mario was the first computer game I played, and I have some fond memories of it; a small part of my childhood that wasn't tainted.

Unfortunately, as nice as all these things you are saying, I'm still left with a lot of anxiety when I play for folk, or when I record. What I can't understand, is that it seems like I get more anxious recording, than I do playing for someone. I think it's because, when it's recorded, it's permanently there, so as to immortalize my mistakes. Also, the OCD makes me want to do it perfectly, and OCD commonly causes anxiety. I guess when I'm playing for somebody, I feel like mistakes are more acceptable and I can just laugh it off (as much as it might piss me off) but when I'm recording, things needs to be bang-on, else what's the point in demonstrating skill or a piece of music, if it's just a load of nonsense? It brings me right back to the whole thing where I don't want to be judged based on my mistakes. Or maybe I'm doing all the judging myself, IDK, ... I confuse myself. Even when I'm practicing by myself, and I make mistakes, it pisses me off; then again, that's probably completely normal.

It almost seems like the stuff you're saying is from experience, or by proxy - do you do public speaking, or perhaps have a family member who is a musician?

EDIT: I actually have no choice but to have a break from the guitar, because I've got a couple of blisters on my fingers; they're quite sore. >.< I stubbornly tried to play a second ago, and I could barely get anything done, it was too sore and uncomfortable. I guess a break is in order!

[elevatedsoul]

it interferes with my musical capabilities... keep at it though, if you can, you'll be glad you did when you get ahold on the anxiety... know what i mean?

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

It almost seems like the stuff you're saying is from experience, or by proxy - do you do public speaking, or perhaps have a family member who is a musician?

No I guess some things really hold my attention/make a connection/I have a feeling for (?) and music's right up there amongst them.
Not everyone would say I've got that good a taste in music but.........
And- public speaking- no I'm just "me"!

But with the recording, you don't think you're making it a bit "formal" do you, all the emphasis on performing for.............??
Have you tried just running the recording for 3/4 hour or so (just as a bit of an exercise), throwing in different songs, whatever you're feeling at the time. Whatever YOU like. No pressure.
Forget an audience- the recordings just for you. Just "let go" a bit. Even have a break while the recordings running if you feel like it.
Then if you do that a few times in a week, then another week (?) and at the end of it run through your recordings and see if any particular song stands out for you to upload.
But think to yourself, for now, if you've got say one recording you're happy with in a month then that's great.

[And hey, when you're listening to them back, less of the self critic!!
If it helps/if you have to, imagine that's it's someone else playing, then what are you going to think? I'm guessing you wouldn't be as tough on someone else?? ]

And you know hopefully, you're just going to get used to the recording going on while you're playing and you can be more "yourself", it'll be a bit more natural. The recording itself is just yours, you can do nothing or anything with it.
And ultimately a big part of why you're playing is because YOU like it/feel it, isn't it? If you're coming across stuff to upload that's just a real bonus isn't it? You don't "have to" but you CAN if you're just thinking about being YOU.

I'm thinking that with a little less of the "staging" your greatness is going to show!!

Alison