[northraven]

Hi,

So anxiety and depression have been a part of my life for a long time. I usually manage it with CBT type activities, nutrition, sleep, etc. About 6 weeks ago it flared up in a big way and really has not left (posted my story in the new member intro thread). Some days are definitely worse than others. Just leaving my house is a tremendous ordeal today in the amount of effort it takes to get ready and go do the things I need to do. I think part of it is the medication I am taking. I don't feel right.

I just started taking Cymbalta (30mg) about 4 weeks ago. First time taking an anti-depressant for me. Also taking Ativan for anxiety management. Doc also prescribed Zopiclone for sleep but it has no real effect. Everyone's reactions are different I know. For me the Cymbalta worked quickly and for about a week and a half. Since then I feel more jittery, more anxious and weird all the time. It definitely has not helped with the insomnia I was having- likely is making it worse. Anxiety is increasing daily. Only thing that seems to help slow me down is the 1mg of Ativan I am taking at night before bed. Not much sleep, but I am more calm while I am awake most of the night. I am worried though now about continuing to take Ativan because of the dependancy issue. I know I am not taking much and it has only been a few weeks, but that is freaking me out too today.

I am back to the doc tomorrow to look at other options. What little I have read and understand about SNRI's (like Cymbalta) is that they also increase the availability of nor-epinephrine (adrenaline) in your brain to give you an energy boost alongside the increase of availability of serotonin. I think for me this 'boost' is a little too much.

Did not take the Cymbalta today because I could not stand another day of jitters and feeling so amped up. Wondering now if the anxiety today is because of that? Might be I guess. It always seems to be there so who knows really.

Trying to get through my day with breath work, guided visualization, relaxation exercises and signing up to the forums. It seems to be working mildly, panicky feelings come in waves and then reside.

I go back to work tomorrow after a couple weeks off, that is definitely adding to the anxiety. Worried how I am going to make it through my day.

One day at a time right? Need to focus on right now, this moment and be happy my heart isn't racing and my thoughts are a bit less catastrophic than usual. Sharing on the forums seems to help. Just gets it out of my head.

Thanks for reading this

[Heather11]

I admire that you've been able to manage for so long with methods other than meds and with so much on your plate right now. It can be a challenge to find the right one. Maybe Welbutrin would be a better choice- less side effects I believe. It works on dopamine and norepinephrine, not serotonin.
Just know that you will find some relief and clearly give yourself credit for all that you have going on and how you've managed thus far. Remind yourself how strong youve been and you'll get there again. You're taking the right steps.

[northraven]

Thank you for your kind words.

It was a long tough and emotional day. Definitely feeling worn out today. Sleep was rather elusive last night again. Not finding the motivation to do much this morning. That seems to be the way it is most mornings so I just need to ride it out and know that the day will get better somehow. I find my feelings are the lowest in the mornings. They do lift as the day goes on. The anxiety comes into play then too, but I don't feel quite so hopeless at least.

Just need to get through today right?

[SugarWaterPurple]

Originally Posted by northraven

Just need to get through today right?

Right!
Sometimes it's hard to even get through a day so just get through this hour. Medications are tough. They can help one day, then turn on you, and make things worse. At least you're staying positive, that's huge.

[Perna]

Tell us how your doctor's appointment goes/went. Maybe some adjusting will help. It is hard at first, getting medicines to balance, etc.

[northraven]

Doctor's appointment went really well. He definitely thinks the Cymbalta was increasing the anxiety and insomnia. I am now going to try an SSRI (rather than an SRNI), Sertraline (Zoloft). Sticking it out with the Ativan in the evening too for at least another 2 weeks to see how this medication does with regards to my insomnia. I can also take the Zopiclone for sleeping if I need it. Drowsiness is a common side effect with the Sertraline according to the doc so hopefully I won't need the sleeping pill too! I check back in with him in 2 weeks.

Much calmer today than I have been for the last 4-5 days. Was reassuring to hear that the increase in anxiety and depression wasn't just because I couldn't manage it- that the medication was adding to it. Being off the Cymbalta now for 2 days I definitely feel was less jittery and edgy. I even managed to eat a bit already today, and the racing uncontrollable thoughts are a little quieter today so far.

Haven't heard back from a counsellor yet, hopefully something will get set up soon

Thanks for your support everyone. Having somewhere to check in and share how I am doing has been a great release for me.

[SugarWaterPurple]

Zoloft can help a lot with anxiety for some people. Let's hope it works for you.
I notice you said that anxiety and depression have been a part of your life for a long time, but you've never taken antidepressants. How did that happen? I mean, did you not see any doctors, or if you did, did they not prescribe you meds? Or if they did, did you not take them? How have you been coping with depression and anxiety? I know you mentioned cbt, nutrition, etc., have you never taken psych meds before recently?

I hope I'm not prying, feel free to not answer. I'm just curious, because of the hundreds of people I've talked to with mental health diagnoses, I can't think of any who haven't taken meds.

I hope you can get some sleep and feel better.

[northraven]

I am not sure why I have never considered medication. I guess I have always been pretty resilient in recognizing it early and doing what I could to address it with other things. I have had a pretty strong support system around me over the years. Usually I could recognize that it was not going to last forever and I would just ride it out and be as mindful as I could be about taking care of myself.

That has been harder in the last couple years. I have experienced a lot of grief in the last few years (including the death of my mother who was a huge support for me), coupled with some big health challenges and lately just other ways that life kicks you in the butt. I think I have got to the point I just can't manage it on my own.

Other than pain medication for my physical health issues I have never really taken a lot of medication. I find that medications and my body don't always mix, and I have definitely placed some stigma and shame on myself for taking psych meds that I had to get over. Still struggling with that occasionally. Reading these forums and seeing all the ways the medicine has helped people has definitely encourages me to stick on this route for a while and find ways to get these feelings back to a manageable level for myself.

I am hoping for a good sleep tonight too. My daughter will be in bed soon and I hope that I won't be long in following her to a restful sleep.

[SugarWaterPurple]

There's no shame in taking meds. Sometimes it sucks, but if the benefits outweigh the risks...
I wish I wasn't on antidepressants, but I don't really have any negative side effects, so why not?

[northraven]

No shame at all! I totally put that on myself.