[not quite right]

I have had many troubling thoughts come and go from my head, but, the idea of fire, watching things burn, even spontaneous combustion have burrowed a spot in me that nothing else has ever done. I look at people and fantasize that if I looked at them just right I could set them on fire and watch them burn. Now it happens when I'm in public & I don't know these people, but part of me is sure they're out to get me, or are passing some sort of judgement on me. My anger boils so hot that I feel I can make them burn. I am a smoker & carry a lighter, but that is not a concer. I want to burn them with my hatred. If you've ever seen Firestarter then you'll get the jist of what I mean. I don't want these thoughts, but they don't seem to be disappearing. Has anyone else ever had a similar problem?

[birdpumpkin]

Well, umm, I watched my home burn for 3 hours. To me it wasn't a very pleasant thing and not something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I've been dealing with the after effects for 6 months now - bad anxiety, depression, ptsd... We lost everything. Thank God for insurance or we'd probably still be stuck in a rental or something. Maybe you could use some help for your anger issues... I understand being annoyed with people, but I always feel most people are good deep down and just trying their best with life as I am.

[not quite right]

I do feel sympathy for your loss & glad no one was hurt. Fire is a representation of my pain and anger and the way society as a whole is sanctimonious assholes pretending to care so they can go on their way like they care about anything besides themselves. I feel like I'm crazy and will never be good enough. I don't wish loss & pain on others, it's just my way of venting my disillusionment to all

[birdpumpkin]

Well, my cats were victims, but we humans of the family and my 2 parakeets were okay. Our goat was okay, too, but we lost him a couple weeks ago. Old age I suppose. I understand what you mean, though, and went through those feelings for awhile after the fire. People were really nice with donations of clothes, food, etc. for awhile - even had a couple dinners for us, but it soon passed and became old news. Some "friends" on facebook sent me a few messages, but after that it was like they just disappeared. One, who is a widow, even sent me a package, and I was hoping we'd become close friends as we'd both experienced loss, but after that she was gone. And I was like, "Hey, I'm still in pain here!! Where has everyone gone?? It's not over yet!!" I got really frustrated about it. Felt totally alone and deserted. Some people just seemed to donate us their old junk to clean out their garages or whatever and to feel good about themselves for a little bit to say they helped out. So I get you totally. Just - don't worry about what others think. I've always dealt with this, too. As long as you are happy with yourself, that's all that matters. Just be the best you you can be.

[not quite right]

My sympathy for your cat. We have one in our family and my heart breaks for your los. When I read your reply I felt like a self indulging whiner. But what I wrote is true and if I let it out I'm less likely to do something destructive. Bless you and your family I hope you find peace.

[Black_Raynebow23]

Hey NotQuiteRight, I like fire & watching things burn. I think flames are quite beautiful, although I've never had thoughts of people bursting into flames. Also I'm not a smoker, but I do keep always keep a lighter.

[birdpumpkin]

Yeah, I do believe it is not quite right, as I said with my experience. Some people genuinely wanted to help, but then seemed other people just giving us their old stuff as a way to say they "helped" but really just helped themselves. And it is good to get it out... True. Well, I lost 10 cats, so - very painful. And 2 missing and haven't been found. I was the "crazy cat woman." Was so strange to be left with none. I'd lost some to illnesses and old age in the past - 1 is hard enough, but I always had the others left to keep me going on. Thanks for the condolences - it's something I live with every day - especially the wondering where my 2 are and if they're even still alive. Don't feel like a self-indulging whiner. Everything we all have to deal with is hard, no matter what it is.

[not quite right]

I think you have the right to indulge your losses and the pain you are still suffering. But it's those people who only pretend to care about your loss are the type of people that make me want to inflictharmupon them. I'm not saying it's right, but I post here because I can say these things & by releasing the burden of carrying these things in my head keeps me from acting on these things. And fire in certain situations is beautiful, as are the elements of the mother earth

[globe mallow]

Just offering up a thought:: fire, the element fire, the chaka of the fire element, the negative emotion is anger. The fire element is all the organs of digestion, we need fire. Each element has a positive emotion too, fire is expression. Perhaps looking for a way to express this fire emotion, maybe art, or writing (reading is not expressive), walking, biking. A friend of mine draws great big, mural size pictures. It doesn't have to be shown to anyone, but it can be.
I'm glad you can write about it here. It's so much better than turning it inward, against yourself. I'm still trying to figure that one out.