New here with OCD

Hi - just a week ago my doctor basically confirmed I was suffering with OCD. I have had problems over the past 4 years (since I was 21) with intrusive thoughts which I thought were symptons of depression and I now know is OCD. The first thought was I was gay which I now believe is common. It was awful as I knew I wasnt but couldnt stop thinking about it. Couldnt sleep, eat or go to work or be intimate with my partner as images kept flashing up in my mind. It then proceeded after that with violent thoughts that I would harm my youngest brother which really frightened me as I am not that kind of person at all. I felt ashamed and guilty. I went to the docs at that time but failed to tell her any of this as I was embarrased. She put me on Citalopram which seemed to work. In the meantime I have come off the tablets twice now and just recently gone back on them as I was starting to get intrusive thoughts again. I keep thinking that my finance is my brother and I shouldnt be intimate with him as its wrong. I know this is silly but it wont get out of my head. Can anyone relate? Sorry its such along message.

hi lou and welcome to the forums........i have ocd also and only someone who does can really understand your post.....i can relate to all the issues that you mentioned and i've dealt with many more......what i want to do is give you some hope.....after suffering for 30 years with severe ocd....i sought therapy and went on meds......i have been on prozac for years now and my symptoms are 98% better.....you need to stay on the meds when you find the one that is best for you.......ocd is a chemical imbalance....you can't handle this alone.......if you have any questions feel free to pm me

Hello and welcome to PC, there are some lovely people here who have helped me personally alot in the last few months

I used to suffer quite badly with intrusive thoughts when my OCD was a lot worse than it is now. I had thoughts of doing terrible things that I knew I would never do but I was still afraid that I would.

It can be really upsetting so please try not to beat yourself up over the things you are thinking, its not your fault and you don't need to feel guilty or ashamed

If the Citalopram is working for you, stay on it. It took me a long time to not feel ashamed that I needed medication but I'm beginning to realise now that I need it to make aspects of my life bearable and it doesn't matter what other people may think of me needing it

Maybe speak to your doctor about Cognative Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which can be very useful with controlling OCD

Hope some of this is helpful to you!

polkadotpixie

Thanks for the speedy responses. I am glad in a way I have found a 'name' for the way I have been thinking over the last 4 years. Your right, it is hard to explain to someone who doesnt suffer with it what you are feeling as to some extent you cant explain yourself, only that you know its wrong. It makes me feel sometimes as though I dont know who I am as a person. I am due to go away and get married in 2 weeks time which I have been looking forward to for over a year now but I feel like the 'brother' thing I am thinking is going to spoil it. It's like my brain wont allow me to be happy. I wish I had never come off the tablets 6 months ago now as I was feeling really great. My doctor says that in my area they dont carry out CBT but has referred me to the surgery's counsellor so hopefully he or she will be able to helo me understand my weird and wonderful thoughts!

Hello and welcome to Psych Central. I hope things get better for you soon, when you reestablish your therapy. Take care Soidhonia

For all: does anyone have obsessive thoughts without being clearly OCD? Or any OCDs with thoughts, but no compulsions?

Hi,
I just wanted to welcome you to PC. I don't have OCD but wanted you to know that I wish you the best.
Hugs,
Boopers

I dont have any obsessions as such, I do have a thing with counting syllabels but its not obsessively. Things always have to be in the right order or the right way round otherwise it just doesnt feel or look right. I never really thought anything of it until I found out I had OCD.

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my message.

When I first read about OCD, the distressing, intrusive thoughts were labelled "obsessive thoughts." So in other words, does anyone have such thoughts, i.e. worrying about sexual identity, fearing that one will hurt someone they love, etc, without the accompanying rituals? Or does anyone not diagnosed as OCD get these same ones?

hi there - I do get the intrusive thoughts without the rituals. I do have to have things tidy and lined up properly but I dont do this obsessively and I dont do this to make me feel better about the thoughts. Everyone is different. I have had the sexuality thought, that was the first thought when it happened to me. I was convinced I had turned 'gay' but I knew I wasnt and never would be. It really scared me and I couldnt sleep, eat or go to work. It then turned into violent thoughts to loved ones. I feared I would harm children also which I knew would never happen but I still thought it and it made me feel sick and scared again. These thoughts are now right at the back of my mind and dont occur with such fear anymore but then a new thought will pop into my head. Are you taking meds or have you spoken to your doctor as I would strongly recommend that. I kept it hidden for 4 years and am taking meds now which help a lot.

Feel free to pm if you wish to talk further.