I Need Advice...don't I always

As you guys may or may not know I suffer from OCD with panic attacks. Most of my OCD focus is on death, dying, and/or disease. Well it has been a bit worse lately cause I am unemployed and have very little distractions during my day. Anyway, I tend to obsess on my husbands' travels I constantly worry that he will get into accident or something bad will happen to him I try not to let on to him that this is the case but the occasional times that he is late coming home I get really hysterical and I try to calm down by the time he comes in the door but it is usually visible. So he knows I worry quite a bit and he knows about my OCD. What he doesn't realize is that I freak out way more than he knows. Okay here is my dilemma this weekend, Saturday, he is due to go to a good friends bachelor party all day and all night. So I will not see him until Sunday and will have very little contact with him until Sunday morning which COMPLETELY FREAKS me out! All I can think about (obsessions) is what if he gets into accident, although they are taking a limo, what if there is a fight a the bar they go to or shooting what if what if what if and so goes the unrelenting record player in my head. I am so torn part of me wants to make it financially impossible for him to go by using the bachelor money, the only way he can go, and using it to pay bills were going to wait on. The other part of me realizes how selfish I am being because I know how badly he wants to go! How unfair of it is of me take the man live in a box because I can't control my anxiety. It so damn hard! I know if he goes I am going to be panicked all night and day and I mean PANICKED! HELP GUYS! ANY ADVICE! Very long winded post I know sorry!
Jenn

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer

Aren't those "what if's" the worse? You are not alone and reaching out to us here is a great way to help.

An idea I have is to sit down and explain to your hubby how worried you get when he isn't home....especially overnight. Ask him if he could give you a quick phone call (quietly so his buddies won't tease him about it ) and just to let you know that he is there...having fun etc.

What you then need to do is stay busy that night. Do you have any close friends that could come over and spend the evening with you? Watching movies....playing a board game, etc? I know it is easier said than done but try it.

Before you know it he will be home . I think explaining how you feel to him (be sure to say "I" feel panicky when I am alone, etc). It will help both of you.

Good luck and you can always come online here too.....there is usually someone in chat that you could talk to then as well.


Heather

Hi Heather,
You are the best! Your advice is so warm and thoughtful. Thank you! What you suggested is what I believe I will do I am just so nervous. I feel so nuts when I get this way. I have such anticipatory anxiety right now that I am having a hard time sleeping. I think I will try and talk to hubby I just don't want him to a) think I am wacky or b) think I am trying to rain on his parade. Again Heather thank you so much for your insightful advice you are too kind as is everyone here!
Jenn

Jennifer

Jennifer,

I am also terrible about "what if?" Those questions can never end. I cant speak for every guy, but deep down we all want to take care of our women, protect and provide for them. Sure, we may talk and act tough around the guys but my girl is my princess and I will do what it takes to make her happy and secure. If you are showing to him that you are alright when he is gone, he is probably going to act that way. He will go out and have fun and not worry too much about you. I agree with Heather, sit down and explain what happens and to the extent. I bet you will be surprised what he will do to make the time apart much more bearable. Phone calls, letters, whatever he can do to calm you down. Have him leave a message on the answering machine so that you can hear his voice once in a while. Get a teddy bear with his cologne on it. Wear his favorite swearshirt. You can do all this when he is gone and hopefully it will calm you down. I have a teddy bear that smells like my girlfriend, when I go to bed I smell her, think of her and everything is ok. And like Heather suggests, friends and family can work wonders. Everything will be ok!!

Mike

Mike,
Thanks so much for advice! It is really good to hear a guys point of view on this subject! I fear sometimes that if I tell him how frantic I REALLY get he will think I am nuts and suffocating him. Although he has never really acted that way about it I still worry about it. I pride myself on being tougher than I know I am sometimes and when I break down and tell people what it is really like for me I feel so weak. Like I said I am so afraid he will think I am suffocating him or that I am fragile so thats why sometimes I hold back.
Jennifer

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer-
When I was younger I used to suffer from very very severe OCD like you're desribing. Now almost 19, I deal with it a little better since my OCD surrounded around something happening to my parents. Now my OCD surrounds around something happening to myself like health related, so I know exactly what you are talking about and feeling. I get such severe panic attacks that I've ended up in the hospital several times. I just want you to know you're not alone. I have a similar thing with my mom she's flying to Fla tomorrow and its completely freaking me out, shes the only one who understands my OCD and panic disorder-so its like my lifeline leaving. But this is what I do and what seems to help me and i really hope it will help you too- talk to your husband and explain to him that you're really trying not to feel this way but its horrible what you go through everytime hes not there.Talk about maybe devising a plan where he can check in with you to let you know that he is ok, something of that nature. I think just talking to him and letting him know how severe it is will make you feel better. Good luck
**Ashley

Hi Ashley,
Thanks for sharing your story with me it brought tears to my eyes literally because its nice to hear that I am not alone. I have been feeling like a freak about this whole thing. I use to worry about my parents when I was younger like panicy worry not normal stuff. I'd have panic attacks when they were late coming home from work or wherever and I couldn't sleep if they went out for the night. Its like it transferred to my husband when I got married. I hate being this way so much! It is so hard sometimes!
Jenn

Jennifer