Pattern behavior and recognizing the warning signs

I been a bit more stressed lately. I believe mostly because we are closing up our fiscal year end at work. It is always a particularly stressful time. Even though my rational side knows to expect more stress, I still find myself never being fully prepared.

I have noticed lately that I am a little more short tempered. I consider myself a very open minded understanding person with an acceptable amount of patience but lately, I have no tolorance for stupidity, and have found myself expressing that verbally to people at work. In addition to that I was hanging out with my hubby and best friend last night and I was pissed off the whole night. I cold have sworn she was trying to flirt with Jackson (my husband). I am still pissed about it today. I am sure she could tell I was a little pissed but I really didn't care and if truth be told, I wanted her to ask me if something was wrong so I could tell her exactly what I thought.

This whole pattern of thinking is worrying me. I can recognize that these feelings are building up and quite frankly, I'm scared of what that can lead too.

Over the past two years I have tryed to be very concious of my thoughts and spent alot of time changing my thought patterns through techniques learned in therapy and through books. But now I feel like that is all thrown out the window and I am starting from square one. I am snappy, agitated and short fused right now and I hate it.

I bought a journal over two weeks ago and found myself making only two entries and the combined entries contain 1 page. I cant even direct this anger and agitation because it's rediculous. There is no basis for any of it.

Hi Jen,
Sometimes feelings of annoyance are valid even if we may think it's being petty or impatient. Grant yourself that much. You seem to be able to pinpoint where and how it's all coming up but you don't like that you're reacting to it the way you once use to. Were you giving yourself any outlets before when you were patient and even tempered? Just because you don't/didn't express the anger/annoyance doesn't mean that you didn't feel anger/annoyance. Maybe it's seeping out at the seams? I have anger issues myself and I'm doing a workbook on it. It's teaching me a lot about anger, where it comes from, the many ways it can be expressed and the different reasons why we feel the anger. Exercise is helping me too.
I think it may be helpful to express these feeling more consistently in your journal. Maybe then you can see where and why this is happening. Did you read the past entries leading up to this? Are there any tell tale signs in them?
Whatever it is that's making you a little more snappy. Stress from your job and world events no doubt are contributing to this.
I don't know if this helps. Me trying to help you with anger issues is like the blind trying to lead the blind.
((((((((((Jen))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))

In December 2004 I was at my lowest point in my life. It began as what I like to call "The Breakdown". Its almost as if I became a different person. Prior to "the breakdown" I was always angry, snappy, *****y, matter of fact and for the most part I thought my %#@&#! didn't stink. It wasn't until after my therapy, meds and analyzing my prior behavior did I come to the conclusion that I was very, very unhappy with life, my life and I finally realized that I was not a very nice person (to say the very least). I viewed my breakdown as a good thing, but only after I came to terms with who I was prior and spent so much energy trying to avoid becoming who I was before.

Since 2004, early 2005, I began a transformation, or at least that is what I call it, an awakening. I realized I hated who I was and wanted to change, for me, for my family because when it comes down to it, family is the core of all things peaceful and safe. I still have a long way to go as far as mental growth and personal acceptance, but I think I have come a long way.

So you see, being angry, snappy and *****y causes me concern and worry. I could accept this anger as stress, but I am afraid to grant my agitation a free pass because it can only lead to old behaviors and old attitudes.

As far as my friend that I think was flirting with Jackson, it still bothers me although I have calmed down a little since earlier. Maybe I am being overly sensative. or maybe I am just a %#@&#! freak.

((((((((Jen)))))))))))
I can understand better now why you're so worried about this-thanks for taking the time to explain that to me. Could there be something triggering you? Did you lose some kind of a support system?
My book lists primary feelings commonly turned into anger-if it'll help you to analyze yourself- Hurt, Fearful, Insecure, Ignored, Isolated, Inadequate, Embarrassed, Rejected, Humiliated, Out of Control and Guilty.

My anger mostly comes from feeling inadequate, insecure and ignored. Sometimes I feel trapped-I guess that would go under Fearful. I'd like to suggest this notebook, if you don't mind? It's called "The Anger Workbook For Women"
I've been working on it and it's helping me.
I don't think you're going to slip back again, Jen. You're too aware of yourself and emotions now. Just the fact that you have your alarms going off and you're reacting shows that you've learned and are ready, willing and able to take care of this before it becomes a full blown breakdown. It's going to be okay and you'll work through this. You're older and hopefully wiser.
Talk to yourself like a friend and ask "what's going on?" and then listen to your gut instincts to how that friend responds to you. You'll figure it out, Jen. Don't lose your confidence. You're doing good and having a set back every now and then is to be expected.

thankyou jax, for caringand taking thetime to write to me.

i've been very betrayed froma little girl by my own mother, and later my father. and apsychologist(man)if you could call him that. i don't trust anyone much, get very clingy and innsecure. feel like people are abandoningme left right and centre. my husband isn't very affectionate andi really need that. i seriously am beginning to wonder if my marriage will work at all. i've told him what i need, he just can't or won't give it to me, he finds it hard i know we've been together for 19 years. i've had enough now, i want to behappy and loved and cuddled and wanted. i'm goingto shut up now before islide again lol. take care

jinnyann(kerry)xxxx

Hi Jinnyann,
You did the same thing I've done with the threads-I get confused and I write a message in the wrong one. This was supposed to go in "confused.." wasn't it? I got you-I've been there, done that. I'm going to answer this post in your "confused..." post. (Hi Jen, Hope you're feeling okay. HUGS!)

Jax,

Thanks for your post. I spent the day home today mostly because I couldnt get myself motivated to get into work. I think this is the second Monday in a month that I have called in, not to mention we are also at the most busy time of the year.

Finding the core of the anger is large task I have ahead of me. I know I need to do it, just like you are. It's got me on high alert. I talked to hubby today about it. He said that he has noticed a change in me lately, but he also said that I have been complaining about work more as well.

I know that I have been having some issues at work lately. So much so I have been thinking of looking around at other employment options. Thing is, I have been with this company since 2001 with a brief leave of absence. It's comfortable.

One thing at a time I suppose. Thats my problem, I have one issue and before I know it, I have made all aspects of my life an immediate issue.

Thanks Jax. I appreciate your post. Lots of great advice.

Hi again Jen,
I've had jobs where I've felt like that. It was usually the office politics that got to me. I don't know if that's what it is with you but if it is-I totally understand. I was once hired to replace this old woman who after working for the company for 20 years, was retiring. She really didn't want to retire and the old bat resented ME because I was going to take her place. Lucky me was trained by her and the old bat kept YELLING at me when I didn't understand something. So I stopped asking questions but my work slipped. My manager said something about it and I explained that the old lady kept YELLING at me. Know what happened? The manager and the other employees turned on me 'cause I said something mean about the old bat.
Good riddence to bad rubbish. I quit. Someone else can put up with that crap-they were'nt paying me enough for it.
I love working for myself. It's not so complicated.
Jen, I hope that whatever it is that's getting to you at work, you'll manage it through. I hope there are no old bats YELLING at you.
((((((((Jen))))))))

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Jax2923 said:
Jen, I hope that whatever it is that's getting to you at work, you'll manage it through. I hope there are no old bats YELLING at you.
((((((((Jen))))))))

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LMAO. No, no old bats yelling at me....at least not this week. My stress at works comes from a manager who has not specific training in AR but is knowledgable about the electronic aspect of the billing. My boss lacks in decisive decision making skills, which causes tons of friction with the other co-workers who look for answers and are not getting the support they need. Then they look to me for answers and that pisses me off because I am not the boss, I am a peon.

I am washing my hands of it all. At least for now. I appreciate you hanging with me through this and talking me down.

Huggles x's 5,

Jen