[Azalysa]

I had my first major depressive episode in 10 years last Fall.I was taken out of work for 5 months that seem now
like only a few weeks. My monthly/semi-monthly pdoc appointments resulted in adding a new med or uppping a current med to the point I am now taking 6 meds total. I've never felt like "myself" during this time, and am positive I am severely over-medicated but at least the constant crying has stopped.

I went to a T. who was recommended to me as an expert on anxiety issues but who was more harm than help.

Due to the new meds added (most specifically Wellbutrin which was a nightmare to get used to) I had a period of time where I lost my balance, began speaking backwards and had to stop and use every ounce of concentraton to think hard about the next word to use. I was put on driving restrictions.

In the past, my depressive episodes would hit, I kept taking my regular meds then one day would just snap out of it unexplainedly. Since my new "cocktail" I function more or less better than the beginning of this new episode, but I'm not the "real me."

Three weeks ago I was released back to work on light duty (4 hours a day). I now have the raging symptoms of the flu - would I have gotten it anyway, or are they more side effects of the meds.? I find myself at work doing very simple work (filing) but sometimes stare at a form before I can decide what to do with it. I'm also experiencing intermittent bout of dizzness that sweeps over me like waves of naseau.

I want off these additional meds. I'd much rather have intermittent depression than these awful side effects. pdoc has strongly suggested several times I not return to this particular job because it exacerbates my illness.

But what about insurance, a bit of income? My mother has offered to help until I can get this straightened out, but over the past 10 years she has dealt with her alzheimer's father in a nursing home, her mother who became ill 6 months after losing her husband and ended up dying from sepsis, shortly thereafter the loss of her step-son-in-law from medical malpractice and most recently her 49 year-old step-son from liver malfunction. Then dealing with my illnesses off and off since I was 35. I truly don't want to add more stress to her life when this is he time she deserves to have some peace for herself.

Refills of some meds I need are waiting for me at my pharmacy but I am too ill (from the effects of the flu) to take a shower, deal wth my hair and go get them.

I know so many of you deal with issues much, much more serious than these.

I truly want to resign my job, sell most everything I own (I don't even know how to go about that) and move into one room if I have to.

I have faith that things will eventually get better, but right now, I am exhausted, naseous, have a raging headache and really wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.

I did call my pdoc yesterday to check out some of my recent symptoms, primarily the dizzness. The "gravel gertie" assistant who used to relay this type of info to pdoc now just puts me into his voice mail and I never hear back.

I am absolutely convinced that two many meds have put me into this condition.

Azalysa

[gossamer]

((Hugs))

I think it's time to see a new doctor.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((Azalysa)))))))))))))))))))

[EJ711]

Aza -

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now.

My body has told me to get out of situations by getting the flu.

You could leave a terse message in the p-docs voice mail. Something to the effect of medical neglect. You need to talk to him now!!!

Keep us posted as you are able.

Hugs,

Jane

[DaveyJones]

I hate to hear that you are feeling so bad...I know you have been through a lot...it's no fun.

I do think that it's time to have a heart-to -heart with your pdoc about your meds...they are obviously not working right. Also, if you are considering "hanging it up", you should go ahead and file for SSI/SSDI as soon as you can; go ahead and get the process underway.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

Hugs,
DJ

the one thing I noticed right off from doing a quick scan of the post is the thing about talking backwords . welbutrin does not have that as a side effect. you might want to check with a neurologist certain medical health problems have the side effectof appearing to talk backwards or words out of order like for example stroke victims have trouble verbalizing their thoughts it the order that they come.

There is no anitdepressant side effects that causes backwords talking, sometimes slurring of words if the dosage is too high ( kind of like being drunk) but not talking backwards. thats something that is learned or a physical neurological brain injury type problem

[lenjan]

The flu is a virus, sweetie -- it can't be brought on by meds. Relax.

As for the rest, I agree with DJ -- time to start filling out the disability paperwork. You can still work part-time, even on disability, and you'd probably be much happier.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Aza}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Candy

[Azalysa]

I've been combing through posts to catch up and this one that I wrote almost a year ago caught my eye. It's interesting to read things in retrospect.

Gosh, I didn't realize what a state I was in then.

Current situation:

*I did quit the job at the insurance company

*I tried working the temporary position several times (scoring standardized tests) but after a few days or a week at most, the anxiety would become paralyzing to the point that I could not make it into work. And this was an assignment I truly enjoyed.

*I moved to a less expensive apartment - although still expensive with no income.


*After realizing that all the extra meds my pdoc was using to try to lift the episode weren't helping he has brought me back to my "standard" Zoloft & Depakote. I have Ativan prescribed 2x a day for anxiety and Restoril for sleep. (My pdoc - and GP for that matter - really advocate Seroquel for sleep but I only take that if no other sleep aid works as even a tiny amount (25 mg) of it zonks me out.

I'm in the last stage of phasing out Lamictal.

*After procrastinating about applying for assistance (I get anxious just thinking of starting that...go figure) I did apply online (LOVE online applications) for Medicaid and Food Stamps and have been contacted by the person there. (Tried calling back and her voice mailbox is currently full).

*Finally figured out the difference between SSI and SSDI. Applied online for SSDI yesterday - took about 5 hours - and looks like there is a lot of paperwork I need to hunt down. Going to apply for SSI today.

Thank you, Candy and Davey for your encouragement last year...and everyone here in the PC family. I finally feel that I'm on the way up and can be of some use here again.

Now back to continued "catch up reading" on you all.

[desperado]

Hi Azalysa.

On top of your depression, you surely don't need these additional terrible side effects.

Two suggestions:

1) Can you go to another dr to get your meds re-evaluated?

and

2) Can you volunteer, instead, a couple of hours per week while you look for another p/t job?

Look after yourself. Hope you feel better soon. Meds can be awful.

Hugs,

Des

[Azalysa]

Hi, Desperado! Nice to meet you.

I'm not sure if you were responding to my initial post or the most recent one (a year after the initial post).

The med side effects that were present a year ago have all been addressed by being taken off the ones that were producing the horrible side effects but not helping the depression. I'm back to my "tried and true" ones.

I've been with the same pdoc for ohhh, something like 15 years. I have a high level of confidence in him.

Doing something on a volunteer basis is a great idea. I'm looking into that while I continue to apply for state assistance.

Azalysa

[desperado]

Nice to meet you , too, Azalysa.

I was actually replying to your first post........I didn't finish reading the whole set of them, so I didn't see your last one. Sorry about that.

Well, that is good news re: side effects & that you trust your dr.

Yes, volunteering is good........stepping stone with a bit less pressure.......good luck.