[Beachlover527]

Ever since junior year of highschool I started to live in my head. I started to talk to myself in my head to figure out how I can solve a situation. Now I am a freshman in college and I realized I have anxiety and social anxiety (I don't think it's intense) but I tend to live in my head most of my day. I think things in my head. I replay a situation if I really liked the outcome of that. I play a situation that would happen if I encountered a guy I haven't met yet but talked to for a year but we stopped talking. I replay an embarrassing moment from 6th grade and I start to cringe but talk to myself in my head and out loud It's okay!! When I walk around campus and I am feeling not well I talk to myself in my head when I see someone and talk **** about them and put them down in my head. I am in my head way too much.


Going a little off topic but this has to do with smoking pot. I was never an avid smoker. after awhile I realized I hated it because I got super super paranoid and would think that everyone is finding out the truth about my personality and that my actual personality is shy but they see that I am putting on an act to make myself seem outgoing. This is an example of me being in my head for a long time.

I also worry way too much and so when I worry I talk to myself in my head. It's as if I am speaking into a journal in my brain. Like "Sigh. I'm feeling sad again. I hope I don't have this sadness forever." Or "I'm stuck like this forever. I wanna die. I wanna die." Or like "I'm ugly. Why am I so ugly no wonder I don't have a boyfriend." Why don't I have a boyfriend. Is it because of my personality? But I'm not that shy as I used to be anymore. I am still scared of guys. Why am I scared of guys. Let's look back into the 18 years of my life and try to figure out the start to my fear.
Basically I am analytical every single second and I get tired. Of it. Tired. I hate my thoughts sometimes. I get exhausted from my thoughts. Please help!!!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I used to live in my head when younger, and in retrospect perhaps it was just a way to process a world to which as young man I had limited experience of and understanding.

Do we not all put on a bit of a front of what we would like to be (actually this might just be me)?

Boys of course are quite scary, but they are pretty bewildered and scared of you too, truth be known - give it time, nature will take its course!

Its a good idea to take a regular break from 'head living' to do something nice - you are free and young for heaven's sake!

And another thing - when you live in your head things go round and round so it is good to write them down and get them out of your head so you can move on to something else - diary, letters, emails to best friends - perhaps you already do this.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I used to live in my head when younger, and in retrospect perhaps it was just a way to process a world to which as young man I had limited experience of and understanding.

Do we not all put on a bit of a front of what we would like to be (actually this might just be me)?

Boys of course are quite scary, but they are pretty bewildered and scared of you too, truth be known - give it time, nature will take its course!

Its a good idea to take a regular break from 'head living' to do something nice - you are free and young for heaven's sake!

And another thing - when you live in your head things go round and round so it is good to write them down and get them out of your head so you can move on to something else - diary, letters, emails to best friends - perhaps you already do this.

I am tearing up lol. It's just very very hard. I HONESTLY don't think many people do this in my college. To be in your head SO SO much. I feel not normal. I feel like a freak. I haven't really met anyone who is DEEEPP inside their head like me and if I have, I start to feel pity and a little bit of anger towards them because they feel not good enough and etc.

I do write on my phones under Notes. If I had not deleted my notes from the very start of writing them, I would probably have like 200 notes. I write so many and I don't know why I think so much. It sucks. I also write in my journal sometimes too.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

You are worrying me now. To be concerned and uncertain is normal I think, to be torn up for a long period sounds serious - have you sought help?

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

You are worrying me now. To be concerned and uncertain is normal I think, to be torn up for a long period sounds serious - have you sought help?

yes I see a therapist. Now that you said that, I feel like it's definitely not normal to be this distraught about this.

[CosmicRose]

I don't see anything abnormal about that. Literally everyone does the same thing. We use our internal voice or brain to think and rationalize situations in our lives. We weigh outcomes and think about the past and the future in our minds. This is totally normal. All you're saying here, is that your internal dialogue needs to be a little more uplifting and not so judgmental, especially on yourself.
Literally everyone "lives in their heads". Everyone thinks, talks to themselves in their minds, observes situations, weighs pros and cons, thinks about their feelings, fantasizes - these are not abnormal at all.
People are not going to sit on a park bench and spew their entire mental dialogue outloud for everyone to hear.
Just talk to yourself more positively and not so negatively and do not convince yourself that something is wrong with you - that's the negative talk talking.
You're probably just an introvert too, and not an extrovert.
You don't have to be distraught about this unless you want to be, because its totally normal.
By the way, pot makes tons of people paranoid.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

I don't see anything abnormal about that. Literally everyone does the same thing. We use our internal voice or brain to think and rationalize situations in our lives. We weigh outcomes and think about the past and the future in our minds. This is totally normal. All you're saying here, is that your internal dialogue needs to be a little more uplifting and not so judgmental, especially on yourself.
Literally everyone "lives in their heads". Everyone thinks, talks to themselves in their minds, observes situations, weighs pros and cons, thinks about their feelings - these are not abnormal at all.
People are not going to sit on a park bench and spew their entire mental dialogue outloud for everyone to hear.
Just talk to yourself more positively and not so negatively and do not convince yourself that something is wrong with you - that's the negative talk talking.
You're probably just an introvert too, and not an extrovert.
You don't have to be distraught about this unless you want to be, because its totally normal.
By the way, pot makes tons of people paranoid.

Not many people reflect about their day every single day for hours and hours. I do. I feel like you're trying to make my situation not seem bad when it is.
My self talk is what destroys me. Hell yeah people talk in their heads. But when it becomes negative and excessive, it doesn't feel good. I don't think it's healthy to dwell so much like I do on every single thing of my life. My thoughts consume me and limit me. My thoughts make me scared and puts me in a box. It's something I have a very difficult time living with.

I am actually an introvert and an extrovert.

[Jaimes the Writer]

CosmicRose wasn't trying to belittle your feelings. It's true that people often have rich inner dialogue, more than you probably imagine. This is key. It's absolutely imperative that you begin to imagine people more complexly because that will help you when you begin to dwell on things.

The problem you're having is one I'm acutely familiar with. I too obsessed over the littlest things in my life when I was young. I still do to some extent, but it generally takes something more serious than the minutia of daily life. As a writer, I live in my head all day every day, and it's sometimes not even about things that are real. I actually think that being creative, and spending time thinking about things that had nothing to do with me personally is what saved me from the vicious cycle you're going through. Distraction is a great thing.

It's important to talk to your therapist about this, and how much it impacts your daily life. If you don't learn the strategies to combat this now, it will get worse. When you begin to obsess, it's important that you catch yourself doing it. That's the first step. Everyone is different, but when I caught myself doing it, I would think something like, "Okay, my brain is going to do this whether I want it to or not, but I realize that, from this point on, whatever my brain throws at me about this subject is skewed and probably making more out of the situation than is actually there." I would also try to write things down before I began to obsess over them, so that I had an account of what actually happened before my brain made it bigger or worse than it was. Again, everyone is different, but you can work with your therapist to figure out what strategies work for you and your brain.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

As well as living somewhat in my head when younger I also lived in books, novels mostly. Books took me out of myself and gave me insight into life. I read non-stop from age eight to 29. If you like books you might finger reading helpful too. Perhaps your therapist can advise on this suggestions.

[Blues47]

Sounds like my world. I first noticed living in my head at a family gathering when I was 13. In college it felt like I was going crazy...which in the grand scheme of things I kind of was. Now I'm 45 and still there. I agree, pot doesn't help...I had fun with it for many years but finally quit when it became impossible to smoke and not become buried in anxiety.

[StressedMess]

Ruminations are normal, obsessive or compulsive ruminations are not. Could you have OCD?

Have you talked with T about this? Lots of us don't want our deepest secrets exposed in that room, but it could help you begin to heal.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

Ruminations are normal, obsessive or compulsive ruminations are not. Could you have OCD?

Have you talked with T about this? Lots of us don't want our deepest secrets exposed in that room, but it could help you begin to heal.

I remember I had OCD when I was younger. I would have to do the same thing I did on my right side if I did it on my left side. Like if I made a noise with my mouth I would have to perfect it and repeat it. It was just something I did to make both sides balanced and equal. I suspected that I did have Ocd because I realized I NEED certain things to happen in order for me to function. I guess you can all me uptight too? Like I NEED a certain task to be done in order to make myself feel whole or complete.
And also me obsessing over these thoughts could actually be OCD. I'm sure it is. I obsess over it every morning afternoon night.

[mountain human]

Look up the phrase "maladaptive daydreaming"...spending more and more time in your head until you're never in the "real world"...becomes a hard to break habit...if it's an OCD thing, look into SSRI's...

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by mountain human

Look up the phrase "maladaptive daydreaming"...spending more and more time in your head until you're never in the "real world"...becomes a hard to break habit...if it's an OCD thing, look into SSRI's...

I looked it up. I feel like it's not super severe as not being able to be here in reality all the time. I can still have conversation with people and listen in class but I find that my mind drifts and I think about things. Mostly it's about the same thing so I guess it could be obsessive. I wake up and I think am I sad today? I'm going to not to be sad and think of quotes and what I reminded myself yesterday to make myself happy and confident, I do this every single morning and I guess it is not normal. In order for me to function, I NEED to think of a quote or a reminder to myself to make myself happy again. This is very exhausting because if I don't, I will be depressed very quickly and very easily. It's like my mood depends on if I can recall the happy reminder I tell myself. It is weird and every day, I HANG on to the positive quote or whatever to help me function. I HANG ON to screenshots that uplift me and HANG ON to the reminders to remind myself to say something good about myself or a reminder that these are just my negative thoughts.
It is confusing isn't it? I basically live according to my reminders and it's not fun to do that.

[purplepearl]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I can still have conversation with people and listen in class but I find that my mind drifts and I think about things. Mostly it's about the same thing so I guess it could be obsessive.

I do this. Also, I tend to start to try to "fix" it in my mind, but of course I can't fix something that has already happened, so I get bummed out that it's left unresolved.

You mentioned in your initial post that you also tend to talk out your problems and sometimes speak out loud. I do this as well. I don't think this is abnormal at all, I think we probably just think more about things than others typically do. I have noticed that since I've been taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, the pessimistic conversations are less frequent. Not saying that's the 'cure' but it's helped me a little to not feel as overwhelmed with my thoughts.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by purplepearl

I do this. Also, I tend to start to try to "fix" it in my mind, but of course I can't fix something that has already happened, so I get bummed out that it's left unresolved.


You mentioned in your initial post that you also tend to talk out your problems and sometimes speak out loud. I do this as well. I don't think this is abnormal at all, I think we probably just think more about things than others typically do. I have noticed that since I've been taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, the pessimistic conversations are less frequent. Not saying that's the 'cure' but it's helped me a little to not feel as overwhelmed with my thoughts.

Me too!! Yes I try to resolve a situation or situations in my head all the time. Mostly on the past but also future situations. I don't speak out loud, sorry if I wrote it wrong. I think in my head as if I am speaking to myself on a mental journal.
I've never taken medication. I was interested in it, mostly for anxiety but maybe depression. I don't want to though but I do?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I looked it up. I feel like it's not super severe as not being able to be here in reality all the time. I can still have conversation with people and listen in class but I find that my mind drifts and I think about things. Mostly it's about the same thing so I guess it could be obsessive. I wake up and I think am I sad today? I'm going to not to be sad and think of quotes and what I reminded myself yesterday to make myself happy and confident, I do this every single morning and I guess it is not normal. In order for me to function, I NEED to think of a quote or a reminder to myself to make myself happy again. This is very exhausting because if I ... I HANG on to the positive quote or whatever to help me function. I HANG ON to screenshots that uplift me and HANG ON to the reminders to remind myself to say something good about myself or a reminder that these are just my negative thoughts.
It is confusing isn't it? I basically live according to my reminders and it's not fun to do that.

I do this but I use a piece of music off YouTube on my tablet although this morning I did use two of my favourite poems reciting them as best I could remember.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I do this but I use a piece of music off YouTube on my tablet although this morning I did use two of my favourite poems reciting them as best I could remember.

It gets exhausting and stressful to try to jump back into the positive boat every single morning or whenever I've fallen off the boat.

[Beachlover527]

Like right now I just realized I compare myself and my life to others so it I stopped going that, I would feel less stressed. Now I'm going to have to live by Don't compare yourself to others. today but I've lived by this before many times to help me stop feeling this way but a new quote or mantra pops up and replaces that..

[StressedMess]

Have you tried just loving yourself? Just for today I'm going to love myself. Any time a negative thought pops up, nope, not today. Today I'm loving myself.

I'm trying it tomorrow. Today is not the day!

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

Have you tried just loving yourself? Just for today I'm going to love myself. Any time a negative thought pops up, nope, not today. Today I'm loving myself.

I'm trying it tomorrow. Today is not the day!

Yup I have. But it never goes for very long. I can't seem to find traits I truly love.

[StressedMess]

Me either. As has been pointed out to me, only I can change my self esteem. But only on the condition that I challenge every single thought I have about myself, every single time I have one. Ain't nobody got time for that!

When your brain knows the little voice in your head is a liar, why does your heart still believe every dirty word it says?

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

Me either. As has been pointed out to me, only I can change my self esteem. But only on the condition that I challenge every single thought I have about myself, every single time I have one. Ain't nobody got time for that!

When your brain knows the little voice in your head is a liar, why does your heart still believe every dirty word it says?

I don't know. I guess my heart likes to focus on the negative voices. I think me losing this confidence is something deep down. Possible something in the past that LED to me have low self esteem.
I just wish I was happy. But I CAN'T be because I cannot find that love for myself. I don't like truly like what I see in the mirror. (This being looks and personality)

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I don't know. I guess my heart likes to focus on the negative voices. I think me losing this confidence is something deep down. Possible something in the past that LED to me have low self esteem.
I just wish I was happy. But I CAN'T be because I cannot find that love for myself. I don't like truly like what I see in the mirror. (This being looks and personality)

My heart goes out to you, because I can't be happy with who I am, what I've done, and what I've taught my girls by example. Just for today, I'm loving myself, flaws and all.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

My heart goes out to you, because I can't be happy with who I am, what I've done, and what I've taught my girls by example. Just for today, I'm loving myself, flaws and all.

Thank you. Good I'm glad you can do that.
I sincerely cannot. And I have tried many many many many many times in my life. When I do love myself, it is only temporary and mostly not DEEP enough.