[Gaston]

...but then it ended. Spent all day resisting my OCD ruminations, trying not to think the repetitive thoughts, telling myself I wasnt going to do it, then later tonight, it just broke through. I found myself starting the process, and eventually, I couldn't stop. It was like, if I didnt finish it, I wouldnt be able to find the answer I was looking for, or I wouldnt get the answer I want. I would not feel right until I completed the rumination ritual.

It's so hard, wanting to quit, but fearing if I do, I won't feel right, among other things. The worst part is after I have started the ruminations, and trying to quit in the middle without finishing them. Anxiety sets in and I start feeling like if I dont finish, my fears are true, or I won't be able to use my mind like I want, to solve problems and work through situations at work.

I know they say the key to breaking the OCD rituals is to resist them. I've read that some psych sites even suggest intentionally getting yourself into a thought process, then forcing yourself to stop and not go through with it. Is this adventageous or does it just lead to more problems? Would it be better to finish these thought processes or stop?

It's an overwhelming feeling because I fear if I do stop, i'll never find the answer I am looking for!

Arrrrgh!

I have thought about hypnotherapy as a means to try to figure this all out. Has anyone been through this and does it really help? Ive often wondered if I go see a hypnotherapist, they might be able to block these unwanted thoughts, or at least take me back to when they first started and block that thought, thus causing a chain reaction and making me forget about the rest of it. At the very least, they might be able to probe in and through the subconcious, help me answer the question that ive been seeking for so long to answer.

gaston.......your post almost brings me to tears.......i know the anguish that you are going through.......hypnotherapy may help but i think that what you really must do is find the right therapist and the right meds....believe me...you don't have to live like this!...please get help

[chichi]

hi Gaston I feel for you but why don't you try the thought process what can it hurt. I know the fear of the unknown is terrifying but all this does take place in our mind ...so why would we not try to face that fear head on..step back and look at full in the face...taking baby steps just look at it like your looking at someone else and talk yourself thru it sorta like talk therapy. Some times we try to hard and that ends up being an obsession I hope you don't mind my opinion it is just a thought and I hope thing get better for you..I know it can be terrifying when we feel we have no control but you CAN do it..take care and god bless

[Gaston]

Because starting the ruminations just leads to a spiraling dilema, in which it is very hard to repeat the images in my head exactly the same time every time. When this happens, I spend a very long time trying to fight through the images one by one until I have repeated them exactly a certain number of times.

This is something that I cannot do anymore. I have been dealing with this for over 10 years now, and I am ready to be free of the whole problem.

Thank you for reading and posting thought, I do appreciate it.