[UmightKnowMe]

When does one become the other? How much 'not going out' is considered noteworthy?

I can count on one hand the number of face to face friends I have... I dont leave my house unless it is for a T appt or something someone in my family needs or if they are with me too. I will not call anyone and invite them over. I dont get calls to do things either. I am now comfortable and can joke and smile at the people who work in my T's office...they all know who I am on the phone and when I come in.

HOW do I change this? I hate thinking someone will 'find out' what a loser I am.

[babs92]

I can sympathise with you very much on this problem. I suffer exactly the same thing. My anxiety is bad right now and has been for the last week or so. I have one or two friends that come round to see me sometimes and I go for a walk with a friend and her dog twice a week, which helps to relieve the anxiety feelings alot.

I am guessing you don't work, neither do I and am at home all day, am a mum of two who are at school (one of whom has special needs). I know what you mean about feeling like a loser......its not a nice feeling.

I feel like all my confidence has been knocked out of me, its so debilitating.

[UmightKnowMe]

do you worry about if i make changes...what if I cant keep up the changes...and what responsibility will those changes make me start to take and what if I can't do that? if i make baby steps...and they become big steps...well I cant imagine the big steps...but on the other hand I WANT to be better! I am just afraid of getting there.

[biiv]

yes yes yes yes yes. when i think of making baby steps or even when i do do them i end up panicing because i get a vision of having to live up to that level and responsibility and that terrifies me so much because i know i cant. so many times ive made huge efforts with people only a few months later to give up completely and retreat to my shell because i know i cant keep up this facade any more. like right now im doing that.
like yesterday i had to meet my boss for next year and i managed ot come across as relaxed, confident, chatty etc. and since then ive felt so guilty and depressed because i know im not going to be able to do that when i start working with him.
i wish i had advice on how to overcome that. maybe thats part of the learning itself? to keep making two steps forward, three steps back and two steps forward again? maybe its ok to take the baby steps and then not be able to keep it up. to go back and lick our wounds and then get up and try again? maybe we will get a little further each time?
im sorry if this is no help. i wish you luck though. and the courage to go for the baby steps no matter may lie in the future.
take care
biiv

[UmightKnowMe]

well I am going to go outside today. The sun is shining and the sky is blue and i am going to go walk a few blocks.
And I am going to not think about it in terms of baby steps or anything. I am just going to TRY to enjoy the sun on my face. And one thing my T tells me....cuz when I try to do errands i get one done and am filled with the overwhelming thought "I NEED to go home....RIGHT NOW" that I should tell myself "just do this one more thing"...and do it and so forth. So I am going to try that...and walk just one more block. Wish me luck!

[biiv]

i hope your walk went well and that you got to that extra block. keep fighting!

[Peanut61]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
do you worry about if i make changes...what if I cant keep up the changes...and what responsibility will those changes make me start to take and what if I can't do that? if i make baby steps...and they become big steps...well I cant imagine the big steps...but on the other hand I WANT to be better! I am just afraid of getting there

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I worry about this, too, but that's where we can start setting boundaries for ourselves and start expressing more what we will and won't, (as opposed to can and can't) do, (which is something a lot of us couldn't or didn't do before).

Enjoy your walk today!

Best regards,

Peanut

[UmightKnowMe]

Well that walk outside didn't happen that day....or the next....etc. But I DID do it yesterday! Once I was out the door and away from the house it was ok really. Just as I was about a block or so from home on my way back I started to get that urgency 'I need to be home RIGHT NOW' feeling.
one day at a time right?

[Soidhonia]

Hello making changes in your life is really one day at a time. Setting goals and setting boundaries are a very conducive part of life. It sounds as if you are making progress daily and I hope things go well for you in your progress. Take care and good day. Soidhonia