I don't know how to help my sister

I had dinner at my sister's house today. She has been away from her job -- on stress leave -- for 2-1/2 years now. She used to enjoy her job, but then her department at work closed and she was moved to a different department, to a job where she had nothing to do -- and she had to sit out in the middle of a big empty space where she felt like she was on display. She couldn't handle the boredom and feeling like everyone was looking at her. She has always had low self-esteem and been very shy... She has always been the opposite of me in that way. It eventually got to be too much for her, and her doctor and union rep decided that she can't go back until there's a proper position for her -- where her skills are needed and she feels useful -- and not on display.

Anyway, I worried a lot when she first went on stress leave. I was concerned about her being at home all the time. When I got BPPV in 2000, I was too sick to work and I developed agoraphobia during that first year I spent at home sick. I was afraid the same thing would happen to her. I figured she was predisposed to it because of her life-long shyness and social anxiety. I encouraged her to go out everyday -- alone or with her kids or her husband -- even if she didn't feel like it so she wouldn't get conditioned to only feeling comfortable and safe when she's at home.

Well, she confided in me today, that she hasn't been going out at much at all recently. When she does go out, she feels panicked when people talk to her and can't handle it when people make eye contact. She told me she had to take two Clonazepam before she was calm enough to go to a movie with her kids last week and she ended up not even remembering the movie. I'm so worried about her. She's afraid now that her employer is going to find a decent position for her and she won't be able to handle being around people again... so that's causing her loads of anxiety. She seemed to be doing okay when I talked to her at Christmas and she has seemed fine in her e-mails since then. Today, I was seeing history repeating itself, though, and I'm so afraid she's going to end up the way I did.

Sorry for rambling. You would think I would know how to help... because I've been there. I know what she feels like and I know how much worse it can get. I talked to her about making herself get out... just to walk the dog or do some grocery shopping... and I told her she can call me any time and we can go shopping or for dinner or a movie when I get off work or on the weekends. I don't know what else I can do, though. She goes to a therapist and a psychiatrist and a doctor as well as a work-related counsellor. She's on medication, but she seems to be getting worse. She takes Prozac. She's considering talking to her doctor about Lexapro because it has worked so well for me. Anyway, I don't want to see her end up trapped in her home like I was, but she seems to be going down that same slippery slope.

Any advice?

All I can say is help her when you can and else try to focus on other things. I know what you mean about how hard it is to watch someone go through the pain you've felt and how helpless it makes you feel. Try to focus on the things you CAN do to help her and others. It doesn't help anyone by focusing on what you CAN'T do.

Good luck

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

The truth is, it's really up to her. She has to keep active out in the world to keep control of her anxiety. If she could make a friend (or a few) who could go with her every day, just for a little walk or something, that might help her. Maybe she could find a support group or something where she could meet some people like herself.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment ickydog and Maven. It means a lot. I wish my sister had friends, but she doesn't have any. She thought she had friends at her job (she worked there for ages), but not one of them has called to ask her how she is since she's been off. She's terribly hurt by that and is feeling terribly stigmatized. She said this afternoon, "If I had broken a leg, they would have sent flowers." Since it's a mental illness, though, it's like people are too embarrassed for her or something to even give her a call.

She has always had social anxiety -- way before this -- so she doesn't like groups. I have encouraged her to get on-line and talk to others in the same situation (because it helps me), but she doesn't think it would help her.

I guess I'm just going to call, e-mail and bug her as much as I can -- trying to get her to go out with me. I'm glad she has her children. Having to do things for them forces her to get out even when she doesn't want to. I hope her workplace finds her a decent placement soon before she gets even more isolated. She told me she will talk to her therapist about how she has been feeling lately (they seem to spend most of their time talking about her childhood) and she's also going to ask about Lexapro. I hope something works. It scares me.

I really wish you and her good luck.

((((((((HUGGS))))) for you are your sister.....freewill