Sister

My sister called yesterday and I made the mistake of picking up the phone. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. She treated me so poorly when I was a child, taking every opportunity to hurt me. Then when last year I decided to put the past behind me and try to develop a relationship because she "has grown so much" according to my mom, she stabbed me in the back. I know I should write her a letter and tell her to piss off but every one that I write I don't send for one reason or another. Argh. I don't want to hurt her I just don't want her in my life at all.
Zen<font color=blue>

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Self-hate uses SELF-IMPROVEMENT as SELF-MAINTENANCE. As long as you are concerned about improving yourself, you'll always have a self to improve. And you will always suffer.--Cheri Huber in There is Nothing Wrong with You, Going Beyond Self-Hate

Zen,
I can relate to how you must feel, because I've had to break off from my own Mother. She is Schizophrenic, and abusive, and everytime I try to reconcile with her, I wind up hurt, and depressed. After many years of this, I decided that I have to take care of myself first. I can't control what she does but I can seperate myself from it as much as possible. You must take care of yourself! Some people don't WANT to change, or they can't. You have the power to have your own life with your own boundries. Don't accept poor treatment, you don't deserve it, and you did not bring it on yourself!
For my own sanity, I won't even let other family members talk about my Mother. I don't want to hear what crazy things she's doing because it just pours salt in a wound that will never really heal. I'm just doing the best I can in my own life.
Good luck to you,
smallbluething

You own peace of mind is the most important thing. If your sister is hurtful to you, you owe her nothing. You do not even owe her a letter of explanation. It is my opinion that family can be great, but they can also be harmful. Most of the time, if they were not related to you, you probably would have nothing to do with them. I know how hard this must be for you.

Dear Zen I was just talking of this yesterday.
I have 3 very angry siblings I do not know what I ever done to them to make them so nasty and angry
.All younger than I .
I thought I could be the good older sister for years and over look every thing and be kind to them.
It did not matter how good I was to them they have the problems.
So now I do not have a relation ship with 3 of them and you know I do not care any more it is Ok.
I can not change them and I can not take their crap any more.
I do not even write to them and have no plans to.
I gave them all I had and we are just not going to be freinds .
My dad said to me you and your sisters . He started to say how it is ashame we do not get along and then I reminded in that he did not have much of a relationship with his family and how I remember the big nasty fist fight he had with his little brother that started in one room of the house and ended in another.
I was told by his Aunt before he died that the family were very English and all cold hearted people so were not a close knit family.

My mother has very little natural mothering instincts toward her children.

My mom often had trouble with her sisters they pitted each other against each other and my mom has done the same with us girls.
My sisters were a year apart in age and they always would fight.
They became as different as night and day as teenagers and hated each other.
My brother is mad at the world always loud and unhappy and does not know how to show kindness to most people.

We were not all taught how to get along well with each other and to respect each other .
And when you throw many mental disorders into the big ball of wax, and selfishness and unatural feelings together well you don't come out with warm fussy relationships.

I feel I am in a better place with my family than I have been for years .
I never hear from my sisters or one brother .
Only the baby brother on occasion.

It feels lonely or sad at times.

When I see movies or TV shows depicking a happy
relationship between familys.
I have cried already when seeing things that happen on TV that are very special and wonderful happen in familys.
For me at this time .

I think I have made a great new freind and but she is afraid of being too close .
But she has 2 sisters that she talks with all the time so maybe for her it is not that she is all the afraid of being too close maybe she is telling me she does not need a friendship with another female as much a I do.

I have had almost close friendships with people at times ,people that I really like and because they have daughters and sisters and mothers or others they do not always want a close friendship with others.

If you find that new freind you rement and you both want a close friendship make her your new family.
Feel no guilt we can not allow others to always walk over us like door matts.
M8G

Thank you M8G. I have gone into depressive moods because of the wonderful families depicted on TV. I don't watch family sitcoms anymore because of it. I feel so cold sometimes because I don't want my sister in my life, like I am being bad and mean hearted. Oh well, I tried and she screwed me over. I am done.
Zen<font color=blue>

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Did You Know:
If you rewire the visual input from the eyes of a baby ferret to the auditory (hearing) cortex of its brain, the auditory cortex will "learn" to see? The signals will be less orderly resulting in the ferret having 20/60 vision instead of 20/20.--from study conducted by neuroscientest Mriganka Sur at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Yes I too understand where you are coming from and sympathize with you.
My family are causing me great pain at the moment, and my brother is calling non-stop to bring mom and dad's dislikes to me, very dysfunctional. Thankfully Caller ID has been very helpful in these sad situations.
I have been avoiding all of them no calls, no visits and I feel much better doing so, I plan to keep to my resolve.
Hang in there and best of luck to you.

Sadeyedlady

You know, I think I will have to get caller ID. It would be so helpfull.
Zen<font color=blue>

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Did You Know:
In a case where a stroke patient has lost use of an arm the brain can be retrained to make use of the paralyzed arm simply by restraining the useable limb.