[CrystalSteph]

I let fear get in the way of doing the things I have to do. Growing up my parents were the strict protective type. I wasn't allowed to do much, and let alone taught much. My parents cared too much that it hurt me. For instance, my dad never taught me how to drive. He took me one time to a parking lot I drove in circles and that was about it.

Now, I am 23 and my boyfriend has been the one teaching me and giving me a taste of what is out there in life. I always have felt like I've lived in a bubble and now I am getting the feel of what is out there. My boyfriend taught me to drive about a year and half ago. It was hectic. I would drive him crazy at times, "Nooo! I can't do it how are you going to take me to the streets to LEARN how to drive, when I don't know how!" and I always ended up doing fine,lol.

He says I think too much about it and I am too nervous, which I am. I have my drivers license and I still don't go out there as much as I should. I get SO nervous. Just thinking about it right now makes my heart race. Even when my boyfriend randomly gives me the keys, I give him this angry look .

This is causing me problems because I will soon start school and will eventually have to drive on my own, but man am I scared. Scared to hurt someone else or myself. Scared that no one on the road knows that I am still yet learning.

I feel ashamed, even my boyfriend's sister is 17 and she knows how to drive and best of all she gets so excited to do so. Why can't I be like that?

Why do I fear so much. I feel like I have anxiety problems. It may run in the family, my mom is a real nervous person she doesn't know how to drive and lives practically inside the house. But, I don't want to be like that. I want to be a smart woman who knows how to get around. But, fear.. fear keeps getting in the way. I use to make excuses "I don't even know how to park", and when I set my mind to it, I do it ok.

Should I meditate on it? I just really need to get this fear over with, all my friends know how to drive sure they started learning early but I am behind learning, I am going to be 24! We had a standard car and my excuse was "I don't even know how to drive standard" so he switched it to an automatic and I STILL get nervous. I put smooth music, it helps. I pray, it helps. Last time I drove 45 mins away from home (with my boyfriend next to me) but I did it! And I was proud. Sometimes I feel like I am driving and I still dont have control of the car, I know I can do it but how can I stop from getting nervous, my heart races, I shake.. I just wish I would just hop in the car and just ride..

[bluekoi]

CrystalSteph, Have you ever talked with your doctor about your anxiety? Right now it's driving; so you could go out a few times with a driving instructor just to feel comfortable. What you really need to learn is ways of coping with anxiety. Your doctor can help you or recommend someone who can.

[growlycat]

I'm 42, have a car and a license, and I still have a driving phobia.

There is a small geographic area that I am ok driving in but highways scare the hell out of me.

I'm working with both a therapist and a driving instructor (separately) to tackle this.

A pro driving instructor can teach you things you never knew about driving.For me, I never knew how to use my mirrors correctly.

I've made progress, it just takes time.

[too SHy]

I was driving at age 12 and so were my kids no big deal. You Just drive.

[Shriveled Muse]

Don't be ashamed of feeling afraid! Everyone has their own fears and yours (as well as plenty of other people- you're not alone! ) just happens to be driving. Just as some people can't get near the window of their apartment building for fear of heights while others can. Good luck

[PamSam]

I think a lot of your fear stems from the fact that you don't have a positive female role model for successful driving. You mention that your mother does not drive, and lives virtually in the house. Our mothers have very strong influences on us. My mother was the same when I was a child; as a result I never wanted to drive, even when all my friends began to get their licenses. Your friends are not your role models. you need someone older and wiser to look up to, who drives confidently. Don't feel bad about your age; I didn't get my license til I was 28, and then only because a friend of mine volunteered to take me around to practice. I wouldn't suggest a driving instructor, as they can be quite intimidating. Just take it slow; if you need your boyfriend in the car for moral support, so what? Give yourself a big pat on the back when you accomplish any sort of drive, even just down to the local store. Don't let your friends psych you out. So what if a 17 year old is excited about driving? you are seven years older than her and therefore appreciate the hazards of the road much more clearly. Teenagers are notoriously naïve about danger. And also remember that 99% of the other drivers on the road want to reach their destinations safely, and therefore are going to be careful. Otherwise driving simply wouldn't have worked for the past 100 years; we'd all be dead from accidents. Yet we aren't! Therefore you are most likely to arrive safely at your destination. The cars these days are very safe, too, with good braking systems and air bags. Good luck!

[PamSam]

Simply saying 'just drive' is a very simplistic approach to a very complex problem. If she could 'just derive' she wouldn't be posing on this forum. There is much more to it than that. Depth perception, peripheral vision , looking ahead to anticipate danger, cars overtaking you, trucks blocking your vision, people opening their door on you at shopping centres, parking in narrow positions, going across roundabouts...the just goes on and on. it is more complex than 'just driving.'

I have similar fear of driving,i have driving license since 2007 but i never felt comfortable to take my parents car and go out the roads and take experience all over the years.I always had the fear of anxiety from other cars behind me and the fear of damaging the car.I don't have the money to buy a used car for my own self.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

When I first drove I went out and had a drive round at quiet times of the day for practice - practice is everything with driving. Insist on driving when you go out with your BF so you can practice some more. At least you can drive an automatic - I cannot get on with them - God how I hate automatics.

[growlycat]

I found that I can't drive with family--they are too nervous and judgmental. I drive coworkers to lunch when I can because no one wants to drive or park so they don't make rude comments --they are grateful someone else is driving.

My T is pretty supportive while I drive. I've had mixed results with driving instructors--some are really insightful while others aren't even paying attention.

I am going to try a little traveled route early on Sunday to get more practice in.
Let us know how it is going for you, and what worked!

[CrystalSteph]

Thanks for the thread bump!
I've actually been practicing a lot more, and have been driving alone once in a blue still not enough but almost there. I've realized I am not as afraid to drive but more afraid of not knowing what to do (or blanking out). I feel that if I know all the rules and gain some experience to defend myself, I should do just fine.. of course that as well requires practice. But in the past month, I've drove in the highway and major roads (with someone next to me) but slowly getting there :-)

P.s. I've developed a new fear, driving in the snow.. but that's something I guess many more people can relate to.

[growlycat]

That's great that you are driving more!

I drove to my new workplace a town away on my own this week. I need to get comfortable with that route in a hurry because we are moving there soon.

It is helpful to keep note of What exactly makes you uncomfortable--then it is easier to tackle….and keep track of what to do in certain driving situations (to google it later)

[BeaFlower]

I have driving anxiety too. Very much. I'm happy not to be the only one, but unfortunately I don't know other people with it in real life, so I feel very uncomfortable. I could never do some things that you all do, though you have anxiety too (like driving alone..I never did). The point is that I get terrified even for small things that happen when I'm driving, like a narrow point to go through...maybe at the end I do it, but I go on feeling scared for a long time. I know that I shouldn't avoid driving, but I do. I wish that I could find a solution But I don't have ideas that don't sound scary.
Wish you all all the best with this.

[eeyorestail]

Just wanted to add my support. I had an intense fear of driving that only went away with a lot of time on the road. I still have anxiety over certain situations--parallel parking, lots of traffic, etc. It's a tough phobia to conquer but it IS possible. Hang in there.

[BeaFlower]

Thanks for giving us hope. This is the problem, to overcome fear of driving you have to drive...but I've fear It's really difficult.

[CrystalSteph]

growlycat, kudos to you for driving to your new workplace on your own it is nice to hear your progress! Funny how you mentioned the google method, every time I drive I feel that I make some sort of mistake even if it's the smallest thing like driving over a pothole..so by the time I get home I gather a list of things I felt I did wrong and how to improve them next time. I will take your advice and keep a note of what makes me uncomfortable I know sometimes I feel like it's a huge list but it's decreasing as time goes by, I hope!

Beaflower, you are not alone! Trust me! Like Krminnj mentioned it is a tough phobia but it is possible to conquer. I am still very afraid of driving especially by myself, I know how you feel especially because this is a phobia that may play an important role in many people's lives. I feel that no matter what, I must learn to let go of my fear because as afraid as I am I actually do want to conquer this fear. I don't know anyone in real life with it either, other than my close friend but she lives in a different state and never drives. Or older people I know who actually push me not to drive because they feel it's dangerous. In the end, I know this is not a phobia where "oh, I'm afraid of spiders"..but chances are you probably won't see one.

What has helped me so far lately is rewarding myself. For instance, my husband would ask me to drop him off to work and since it's not too far away from our house, I would drop him off then go the the nearest store to shop. (It took me a lot to do this because this is a busy traffic area) So, perhaps you can start like that little by little driving near familiar areas. I know it's not all about "just drive", it's also mental and a matter of feeling relaxed within yourself. My husband pointed something out to me the other day, how I never congratulate myself even when I do a great job driving because since I am still afraid I feel that even if I did a good job, I still failed because the fear is still there. But, in the end no matter how the fear I still managed to do it so this helped me in believing I can do it again.
I know I sound real positive right now..I'm really not, especially since my anxiety kicks in before going inside the car and I do avoid driving a lot.. if it weren't for my husband I would probably still be procrastinating but I've learned the more effort you dedicate to learning (It being reading about it,watching videos,practicing where ever), the better you will do within time and as cliche as it sounds, it does take practice.. I am still learning that myself.

(Sorry for the long post, I can really talk about this all day )

[BeaFlower]

Thanks CrystalSteph. We have another thing in common: I too tend to always think that I haven't done a good job driving, also if my dad (I usually drive with him) says that I went well.
Some months ago I had decided to really learn driving going step by step and I began again driving for very shorts times in my area, thinking to do more in future...but every time I seemed to go well and then made mistakes...not big things, but for example doing badly a curve...I always remained very scared, so at the end I (again) stopped driving. I didn't drive for months now.
I don't know if, since I have this huge fear, it's enough if I learn to go from a familiar place to another, just to can go to the most 'important' places, or if I can learn to go also in new places without fear. This would be my dream, but I don't know if it's possible. Maybe I actually can drive in new places, but with a tremendous anxiety...I don't want this It's awful to always have fear. Just writing about this I have tears in my eyes
Hope not to upset anyone with my fear. You are great to really try driving Crystal.
You said that your therapist helps you driving, right? Does he/she drive with you?

[Artchic528]

I just want to say I have anxiety about driving. So much so that I don't even have a license. I guess I'm just saying that you're not alone, and neither am I.

[CrystalSteph]

Beaflower, oh no don't worry you're not upsetting no one with this fear! *hugs*
If anything, you've actually made me feel better just knowing that I am not the only one who feels this way! It would be my dream as well to just get in the car and drive freely with no worries. That is my goal for this year! I don't currently have a therapist but my husband is sort of like my therapist, he's the only person to push me to do it even if I drive him crazy and he's the one I drive with.

Just remember that even if it takes a while, it is possible. You can do this, you can overcome it and everyone starts somewhere. Never compare yourself to others, I made that mistake constantly telling myself "I am trying to learn this too late, why didn't I learn earlier like this person or that etc.." even if there are people that learn faster than others, we all have to start somewhere and I am sure within time,effort and dedication you can conquer this fear..just like I am trying my best to do so as well! If you need any extra support or would ever like to discuss more, feel free to message me!

Artchic528, thank you for writing! The more people express themselves and admit this fear has made me feel stronger because for the longest I've felt no one had this issue. Your license is a great step to getting there, I understand your anxiety gets in the way as mines did as well when it was time of getting my license but you are capable of doing this, I believe in you and I know this anxiety seems like it gets the best of us at times but we will find ways to eliminate it!

Is there anything that calms anyone specifically during the anxiety?

[growlycat]

CrystalSteph-

I'm trying to use the "reward" method myself. The end of any new destination for me should have something fun I've wanted to do . Next route leads to our aquarium. I may take off a Monday when it is quiet to try this.

Also,when listing things you felt you did wrong, hopefully the "real" mistakes will jump out from "less important mistakes" (like hitting potholes )

I love hearing how others are dealing with this.

[growlycat]

Re: calming the anxiety

I was changing lanes way too quickly, I needed to learn that it is ok for other traffic to pass you in order to make a safe decision.

Cool air from the AC calms me down. Deep breaths. Having the garmin on even if I know the route works for me too. Look on google maps before your trip and try to remember left or right turns needed in advance.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by BeaFlower

Thanks for giving us hope. This is the problem, to overcome fear of driving you have to drive...but I've fear It's really difficult.

Those who are afraid of spiders start off by just looking at pictures of spiders and reading about them. For me, when I couldn't even get in a car and drive, I started reading my state's drivers ed manual, getting familiar with safety and traffic laws. I've real a lot online about driving phobias. Also, looking at Google maps can help you get a sense of where roads and exits are near you.

I hope you can take the first steps, it is hard but you can do it!

[CrystalSteph]

Growlycat, the rewarding method is great! That's what's currently helping me out the most. And even though I live in a busy area, everything is pretty much near by (Library,malls,grocery stores).. I'm planning on going by myself to the grocery store today! Mondays are nice, my favorite days to drive is on Sunday morning because for some reason it's so peaceful.. oh and everyone is usually sleeping lol!

I use google maps a lot! Amazing that you mentioned it, because I would soon have to drive to school on my own and I stayed on google maps looking at the entire route in street view just to get familiar with the routes and lanes. And you're right, it's extremely helpful!

I am trying to get to know my phobia much more by reading about it as well, I am going to print out my state's drivers ed manual soon too! I feel that I just want to know every rule and do things right on the road...if I feel that I know what I am doing then I should be okay, the anxiety usually kicks in when I feel like I don't know what I am doing. Music, deep breathing and meditation usually helps me calm down

[BeaFlower]

Thanks to everybody I wasn't thinking to this problem very much in this period and thinking about it again has been a bit painful, but now I'm feeling some more hope...only some Right now I have some other things to face and I don't think to can handle driving now, but maybe I'll try to do it in future.
All your suggestions are good.
Crystal, can you tell us something about how you use meditation, when you have times?
I'd love to keep in touch with you

[CrystalSteph]

No worries, Beaflower.. all will come together within time and when you do face it, you will do just fine! And it would be great to stay in touch!

I haven't meditated on my driving anxiety yet, but I do plan on starting to (I'm going to read more on meditating/yoga soon).

I use to meditate when I got my first job, I felt extremeeely nervous but meditating worked out for me a lot. I don't even know if it's considered true meditation but I would just find a quiet spot and close my eyes and think of positive thoughts only (It is hard because the negativity is still there but it takes doing it more often) and actually visualize myself doing well and achieving it, eventually I believed so much in this thought that I made it a reality. Perhaps, some would even say that's called law of attraction? Sometimes I would even add my headphones and put a relaxing song with no lyrics just instrumental and it would boost the visuals as well. It made me overall peaceful and happy in a way.

Not too long ago, I listened to a driving hypnosis on Youtube before going to sleep (It's real cool, as the video was an actual person driving on the road and it looked beautiful and in the background there was calm music and a man speaking of positive things), can't say it helped me on driving just yet cause I only tried it once. But, I truly believe that when you feel anxious and afraid of something, it is more mental than anything so I strive to work on my thoughts first in order to overcome certain fears, because after all many times it is usually all inside your head.