[misslabarinth]

I have extreme social anxiety phobia. mostly with men. because of traumatic experience. and when ever someone tries to talk to me or even looks over at me. putting there full attention on me. i feel like I'm being crushed and i end up getting severely anxious. can't sit still. sometimes i will even be afraid to move. for the most part I'm fine with girls but still a little hesitant. and when ever i do talk, my words are scrambled and i will hardly even know what I'm saying anymore. I like being the 'shadow' and being invisible. And for the most part i am great at it. I hate being the center of attention, i only have 2 or so friends, both girls. But i still hardly talk with them. when i was little i lived with my grandma along with my 2 brothers. because of family issues. and my grandma had told me that i was so nervous around people that when ever my uncle or whoever even my own family would look at me. i would throw my food down on the floor and refuse to eat unless no one was watching me. i still have sever social anxiety even though i am 14 and i was like 5 or 4 when the food accident happened my social anxiety seems to be getting worse. i need help badly. but i don't know what to do. ~ MissLabarinth

[wa(o)rrior]

Dear friend

you need to learn to relax. there are self-help tools like deep breathing, meditation, EFT, Progressive Muscle Relaxation. you can use the internet and youtube to learn the above mentioned techniques. there are also relaxation audio which can relax you. try all these with patience and open mind.

your problem is deeply rooted in your subconscious mind. you can try hypnotherapy to remove that fear.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by misslabarinth

I have extreme social anxiety phobia. mostly with men. because of traumatic experience. and when ever someone tries to talk to me or even looks over at me. putting there full attention on me. i feel like I'm being crushed and i end up getting severely anxious. can't sit still. sometimes i will even be afraid to move. for the most part I'm fine with girls but still a little hesitant. and when ever i do talk, my words are scrambled and i will hardly even know what I'm saying anymore. I like being the 'shadow' and being invisible. And for the most part i am great at it. I hate being the center of attention, i only have 2 or so friends, both girls. But i still hardly talk with them. when i was little i lived with my grandma along with my 2 brothers. because of family issues. and my grandma had told me that i was so nervous around people that when ever my uncle or whoever even my own family would look at me. i would throw my food down on the floor and refuse to eat unless no one was watching me. i still have sever social anxiety even though i am 14 and i was like 5 or 4 when the food accident happened my social anxiety seems to be getting worse. i need help badly. but i don't know what to do. ~ MissLabarinth

I was you 20 years ago. Please get help now. I obviously don't know you, but it sounds like you need professional help more than just meditation and relaxation techniques. I kept everything bottled up inside for the entire 4 years of high school. I didn't want to eat with anyone in the cafeteria, I didn't want to speak in class, I never went to any school functions, I had few friends and pretty much kept my mouth shut the whole time. I did not get help until I had a meltdown and lashed out at my parents at the end of my senior year. My mom took me to a psychologist the same week.

I don't want to scare you, but I am still struggling with it and I have had a somewhat unhappy adult life. I thought I would just "grow out of it", but I didn't in many aspects. I am now pushing 34 and I still wonder what would've happened to me if I had gotten help at the beginning of high school instead of the end.

You take care now.

[Gwen314]

I can empathize with the pain you are in, and I am so sorry. I was 13 and in 8th grade when I began experiencing symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder.

I had only two or three friends (who could be seen as more acquaintances, really, as we never hung out on the weekends or after school). While in class or on field trips, I would be forced to sit by myself while everyone else got into groups or collaborated on an assignment. I would literally be sitting alone at the only empty table in the room. This happened so often that my mother had to call the teacher and he had to assign me to a group. It was humiliating.

In my sophomore year in high school, my friends had a different lunch period than I, and so I spent the last three months of the aforesaid year eating lunch in a bathroom stall. Again, it was humiliating and very painful.

At 21, I still have Social Anxiety Disorder; it was not something I outgrew. However, I can tell you that - with the exception of my sophomore year - high school was a better experience for me. College has been even better, for I have the option of taking several classes online.

I agree with 'With or Without You' in that you should seek therapy. I wish I had done so at 14, for it would have helped me to cope with the pain the disorder caused. A therapist will give you a safe environment in which to divulge your experiences; an understanding and empathic demeanor; and tools to help you work through this difficult time.

As well, there are several books on Social Anxiety Disorder that you may find helpful. Type in 'social anxiety disorder' on Amazon and browse through the selection. Also, I recommend 'The Gifts of Imperfection' by Brene Brown.

Stay strong, look into therapy, and know that things will be better.

[Fuzzybear]

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm really sorry to read that you've had past traumatic experiences that have lead to social anxiety with men.

I am no expert in this field so I had a look for some Blogs pubished here on PsychCentral.

My wish for you is that maybe you might find something useful that might fit your situation

Please hang in there.

You matter to us.

Here are the articles:

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety | Psych Central

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety | Psych Central

Top 10 Lesser-Known Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety | Psych Central

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Gwen314

I can empathize with the pain you are in, and I am so sorry. I was 13 and in 8th grade when I began experiencing symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder.

I had only two or three friends (who could be seen as more acquaintances, really, as we never hung out on the weekends or after school). While in class or on field trips, I would be forced to sit by myself while everyone else got into groups or collaborated on an assignment. I would literally be sitting alone at the only empty table in the room. This happened so often that my mother had to call the teacher and he had to assign me to a group. It was humiliating.

In my sophomore year in high school, my friends had a different lunch period than I, and so I spent the last three months of the aforesaid year eating lunch in a bathroom stall. Again, it was humiliating and very painful.

At 21, I still have Social Anxiety Disorder; it was not something I outgrew. However, I can tell you that - with the exception of my sophomore year - high school was a better experience for me. College has been even better, for I have the option of taking several classes online.

I agree with 'With or Without You' in that you should seek therapy. I wish I had done so at 14, for it would have helped me to cope with the pain the disorder caused. A therapist will give you a safe environment in which to divulge your experiences; an understanding and empathic demeanor; and tools to help you work through this difficult time.

As well, there are several books on Social Anxiety Disorder that you may find helpful. Type in 'social anxiety disorder' on Amazon and browse through the selection. Also, I recommend 'The Gifts of Imperfection' by Brene Brown.

Stay strong, look into therapy, and know that things will be better.

Yeah, the therapist is a very safe place to unload stuff you wouldn't be able to with anyone else - for example, like I said I am in my 30s and I still struggle with my mom always worrying about me. I can't tell my adult friends I'm scared of what my "mommy" will say, you know what I mean?

All of Brene Brown's books are good (they deal with the universal feeling of shame). Also:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is really good, it's not a clinical/mental health book per se but it discusses how today's world is quite challenging for introverted people and how to navigate it.

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne (sp?) - I was given this book by the first therapist I ever saw and I still have it.

[misslabarinth]

thank you all for replying, you all have helped me a lot. . i will have to check out some of those books. :3, i am actually doing pretty good as of right now. but i still have trouble with the men. (stated in original post) ~MissLabarinth

[with or without you]

you're welcome