Fear of Sexual Boundaries

I have a horrible phobia about people's sexual boundaries. I don't want to get close to anyone, but not in a bad way. I don't date or anything. I just have a horrible fear that people are sexually interested in me, in a bad way. Like I just want to live in peace, but I've been sexually harassed and exposed to such vulgarity throughout my life, that it's hard for me to even accept gifts, favors, or work with others for fear that it's some black magic whereby the "boundaries will eventually fade".

I had people I confided in before, and been sexually harassed and used a lot. Many people would try to seduce me after getting to know me, and make me feel like sexuality is a free and fun thing, and that nothing can be pure, and that by being a human with desires I am thereby innately perverse and insecure. The whole "hollywood" romance thing I think has inspired many of us, and we want a good love in our life, but I have found it has just led to bad expectations, accusations from users, and used as a tool by those we are supposed to trust to "comically and beautifully trespass each other's boundaries until love happens".

Maybe I am far more attractive than I realize, and it has unfortunately led me into extremely bad and disastrous, traumatic paths that I am afraid to trust anyone or even allow myself to have compassion for myself. I think a lot of loneliness and abandonment made it easier for others to warp my meaning of life, and blackmailing my own desires.

I feel this a lot too even though i dont get hit on a lot if i do i suddenly feel the need to defend myself from that person and like im in danger
Sexual situations make me feel very gross and upset
I really hope this gets better for you i know how it feels

I have this too. It is based on experience. There is something about me... perhaps my look or something that only attracts people who are "bad". Either they just want sex and nothing else or they want to make me think they are interested in me and then pull the rug out from under me. I have had people state that I am just not being open to the good people but that is just not true. The good people are there but they aren't interested in me or, my entire persona is such that I actively send them running because I react badly, to any kind things they try to do with me.

I get the same thing. All the men just wants sex. I get tired of it or depressed and I see all the other people have real relationships. When it's happening I can't say no or I try multiple times but it always end up the same. After I feel gross, and grown. I mean like a child, only grownups do that. Eww! After, I also feel really sad and victimized, like I was raped. Now, I give up going with other people and waiting for that special person. They tell me I have to wait for it, it doesn't come automatically. Psych!

I know what you mean. Feeling gross, and "grown" ... Old, used up, overwhelmed with stressed (even when you are young), lusty, rug pulled out. The relationships I was in, it was rape; to me love is supposed to be honest. I feel like they seduced me to get what they wanted and it wasn't love at all all along, and like you I don't want another speech about my standards, reactions, feelings, goals, actions, being open, etc. from the public. It's a lie like you said. I am open.

This culture of seduction is rape. It wasn't real, and it wasn't what I signed up for. I watched a lot of movies and television, and those things are gross; they are infinitely filled with countless "love stories" designed to make us all feel as if seduction is okay, and that our boundaries and desires don't matter, like love is narrated by others or some magical force, and I am horribly afraid of a society that allows this to happen, who is always chasing after some next big conquest of romance.

I agree. Every show they fall in love at first sight or play this I like you game but won't tell you AND THEN they have sex. It all leads to sex. Why not take the time to get to know each other. They like having the innocence of person taking away by always a pushy person, just like how some guys are today, they push to get your attention, then push to get your pants then push for some more. That's it. And if your innocent it's like your becoming a different person and your innocence is lost...

Thanks for posting this thread! I relate so much. I have a huge fear of getting close to males for the sole reason that I don't feel safe. All I think about when being in the presence of a male is that they just want sex. It scares me because as I get older the expectation of experiences & desire for it increase & I am left in a state of mind of a child who just wants a friend. The thought of one day having a partner & sharing a bed is extremely scary. I can't help but feel as though I am damaged in some form.