Feel like I'm losing my mind - huge fear of dying.

I really feel like i'm losing my mind and my biggest fear is dying. I've had who knows what kind of mental health problems for the past 6 months - only 6 months. Went from perfect to neurotic seemingly overnight. I've tried 15 drugs in 5 months and now my physical health is rapidly deteriorating. I'm having massive panic attacks, manic depression, anxiety disorder, mood swings. I'm either crying, angry or confused. My mental health benefits have run out, there are NO free clinics in my state, I am on a waiting list for a reduced fee clinic with more than a year wait and now my health is suffereing. I was admitted to the hospital for 6 days of pneumonia - they discharged me last wednesday and i've had massive asthma attacks every day since - going to ER by ambulance. I'm a single mother, have not gone to work in a month and have no family or friends to support me. I feel so hopeless and terrified, I just dont know what to do. The psych doctor will NOT see me unless I have the money to pay at the time of visit, but it does not matter, my insurance wont pay for any more meds and I cant afford them. Not to mention, there are none left to try. Hopeless and scared.

I no that you probablity don't want to go to the extreme I am about to tell you. I had a similar situation and my only option was to have myself commited to a state hospital. Be careful though. Where I went they tried getting me to sign papers to have privoleges in the hospital. (Moving up a saftey level, going outside, ect...) Read every single word before signing. In the fine print the conditons of this was that I agreed to stay there for six months. I did not sign it. I was there for a month still though.

When I get hopeless feeling and sick, etc. I escape through reading. That often gives me a little hope or an idea or something else to think about instead of my fears. Science fiction and fantasy help me the most; The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle especially.

Baby, you are not alone. I've been having huge panic/anxiety episodes and the joke for a pdoc that I'm seeing told me that they weren't panic attacks then 5 minutes later hands me a sheet on "coping with panic" (which he said I didn't have remember?). Last month he changed my meds around taking two away and replacing them and then increasing one of them and I have only gotten worse. Like I said you are not alone. If you ever need to talk, PM me ok? That goes for anyone else here that's going through a similar situation.

Maybe you should try to look up some services in the area. Health clinics can refer you to free services. Church help is alway available. Some religions even have free or subsidy programs. And I do know that support from the right people is hard to find, just make sure to breathe and relax. Things make feel suck and out of control at times and I just had an episode like the one you described. If you feel like you need a break and things get worse I would definitely go to the nearest hospital and just talk to someone there.

Thank you. I dont know how to do PM or email to members from these forums, can you help me learn?

(((((((((( meinct ))))))))

Was good to talk with you in chat and get to know you a bit better! I'm sorry for all the difficulties you are dealing with and send you warm thoughts and strength to continue on each day.

There are a couple of ways to pm a member...you can click on the above link that says "My Profile" then choose "Send a PM" or you can click on the individuals nickname here in the forum and choose "Send PM". When you do pm someone, there is a check box that you can check to add that members name to your list of friends for easier reference the next time you wish to pm them. Hope this helps you find your way around a little bit.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby

15 meds in 5 months? That's rediculous!! I don't know what your doc was thinking but not only can changing meds that frequently be dangerous to your health in general, many of these meds take a few months to even take effect. Your doc didn't give them enough of a chance. And isn't it sick that so many health insurance agencies don't assist with mental health? They treat it like going to a psychiatrist is elective... like having a breast enhancement or something. With the stigma (that thankfully is beginning to break down) people still don't accept these issues as legitimate health problems which is rediculous considering the brain is a part of the body and can get sick. I am SO SORRY you are going through this. I hope you can find a way to get help!